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Hi Amy;

I truly believe 16 years age difference is huge! I've experienced 13 and 14 yrs difference and from my experience the lack of enough things in common is only the beginning of distance.

It's only been 10 months and already you are hoping he'll change?! Not a good sign..actually it's a red flag you need to pay attention to.

I agree that if you have complaints now.... it does only get worse as far as his attentiveness. As you say he already feels he has you so he's not motivated to try to make the relationship work. If you don't have a good solid friendship built for a strong foundation in which to bring children and create a family with ,you won't have the support you need.

The worse thing to have happen is to find you want the man you care about to change... forget it. He is either open to building something special or he isn't. If you are feeling that he is not reciprocating your affection or your efforts...take a good step back and stop seeing him for a while.

He'll either begin trying to get you back or he'll begin wandering and seeing other people. I think you need to know how he's going to react,given the option.

It seems to me if a relationship is going to be a lasting and quality one it will be one that you don't have to work so hard at to begin with..but come more easily and naturally be on the same wave length.

This doesn't seem like an equal or balanced union. If he sees you as mostly a good candidate for the mother of the children he thinks he wants before he gets too old to start a family....well, you need a man who will see you as much more than that... a partner, a better half...your best friend and lover....you know?...ask yourself if that's what you are looking at with this man.

Being true to yourself is making sure you pay attention to what your needs are and not accepting anyone or anything that expects you to settle for less.

If this man is less than what you expect for yourself in life...you need to admit it...sure give him a chance to prove his committment to you...but pay attention to his message,don't turn it into sugar coated or anything but what it really is. Try to be honest with yourself through this.

Good Luck to you..

Take care..

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RE:

Is a 16 years age difference in a relationship too big? I´m 28 and he is 44?

The main problem for me is, that it seems I am the only one who is trying hard and working on this relationship. He is all chilly and relaxed, never worrying or anything. How can I make him clear he could loose me if he doesn´t chane his behaviour. It seems sometimes he does not care that much, but...

The age difference is way too big in my opinion.

Your generation tries too hard to be cool with everything and anything, and it causes you to think you can make your own rules when it comes to relationships.

The truth is, the best relationships are ones where there isn't much age difference. Having common points of reference is huge. Remembering the same TV shows you watched when you were a kid, the music you listened to, and discovering all the countless little things that you have in common play a huge part in the quality of a relationship.

You don't have that with this guy ~ and you never will. You come from two completely different worlds.

At the beginning, you were new, and a hot 27 year old!

Of course he was going to give you all his attention!

Now, you're 28, getting a little long in the tooth, and apparently, in a semi-stable relationship.

That's why.

Oh, give him a high five from me!

Go to Barnes and Noble and pick up a book called "Why men marry B*tches" by Sherry Argov...it is AMAZING how accurate the information is in that book...I've tried it..one of my friends is now trying it and it WORKS! ha...get it and you won't wonder what to do any longer and you will LOVE LOVE LOVE the results you get and get to keep your sanity in the meantime..ha!

Oh and age has nothing to do with anything once you are past the early to mid 20's..I think in the early/mid 20's young people are still needing to sow their wild oats and get that out of their system...most are ready to settle down by the end of their twenties...I have friends that are 28 years difference in ages and deeply in love and have been married for 20 years...just depends on each individual couple...Good Luck!

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Once a man "has" you he stops trying to "get" you with all the attention, gifts, etc. This has nothing to do with age. Spell it out to him what you want and need. Is it time? Gifts? Whatever it is, give him a chance first and tell him. If your needs still are not being met then it is time to leave him. Because if he's not trying now, it will only get worse down the road if you should marry him.

no your not he should be providing you with the basic of every relationship.

he sounds lazy your still young your outgoing so yes age is affecting your relationship.

it's upto you what you want to do but make sure he doesn't guilt trip you at the end of the day you deserve to be happy.

I usually ask myself when I'm with guy if I can imagine being with him for the next 20 years and that's what usually helps me make my decision.

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Age is only a number. If you want him too, make your first move. Lets live the moment instead of worry about...what happen next!

Let him know your serious, leave for a few weeks then when you come back see if he has changed his ways. If not then he will probably never change.