He is a lazy bum who stays home all day and does nothing. My mom works full-time then comes home and cooks, cleans and waits on him hand and foot. He doesn’t work because he has heart problems and has to take medication, but I know a few people like that who work strenuous jobs. I feel like that’s an excuse! I love my mom and want someone to take care of her and help her out, but he’s just a bum without a job and can’t even help around the house. I want better for my mom! But she says she’s in love and he makes her happy. I think she just doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. She’s been single for over 10 years. I don’t talk to her husband and I just pretend he doesn’t exist, meanwhile I vent to my mom about how I feel and then she gets angry at me and looks at me as the bad guy. All I want is for her to be truly happy and to be treated like the queen I believe she is. How do I handle this? Should I accept her husband and pretend like I support their marriage?
Answers & Comments
If your mom is happy then just let it go. The more you complain to her about him the closer they will become and the 2 of you could grow apart. Good luck!
I don't think you are in a position to judge anyone, but, if you are, I'm interested in the part where the husband has heart problems, has to take medication but YOU know a few people like that who work strenuous jobs. You know a few people who have the same cardiac problems? Are you in the medical profession?
My late husband had heart problems and took medication and died of cardiac arrest in his early 30's.
Maybe you could pray that her husband dies soon.
What are you doing while your Mom is cooking and cleaning?
Your mom has had the trauma of losing your father, her first husband.
She does not need the additional agony of your venting. He may not be your choice, but he IS her choice.
Accept that. You, plainly, cannot rejoice but you can be accepting
How about you're the one in charge of choosing who you want for a girlfriend and your mom is the one in charge of choosing who she wants for a boyfriend? What matter is that your mom is happy with her choice, not that you are happy with her choice.
There are only two people in a marriage. If there are children living in the home, then regardless of WHO the biological parents are...
The children are just temporary houseguests....and actually kind of a *problem*, as far as the *marriage* goes.
1st, you do not have a dog in this fight. YOU are not married to your mother, and you are not married to your mother's husband. So you do not have a right to even HAVE an opinion about their marriage.
But you your self write, "she says she’s in love and he makes her happy".
OK, how do you handle this? Well, if you really want to press the issue, it will eventually come down to a choice between YOU or the husband. In that case, the husband wins. There are people who honestly believe that your CHILDREN should come first. That is a valid belief, which is totally incompatible with a happy marriage. If you put your children first, your marriage will be very short.
Should you accept her husband? No, that is not necessary. There is nothing that you "SHOULD" do. You are not part of the marriage. Should you pretend like you support the marriage? Well, that would be the polite thing to do.
The only way you can go wrong is to keep complaining to people (even your mom) about her choice of husband. It's not your business, you need to butt out...
Murder the husband
How old is your mother and this new husband.
Does he have disability income.
Is he at least helping her financially with that disability income.
You DO NOT know HIS exact medical history. Just because you think you know other people with similar health issues that are still working DOES NOT MEAN that HIS health issues are exactly like these other people you know and it does not mean that he is being a "lazy bum".
If your mom is happy - then at least stop nagging her and be happy for her. You DO NOT need to like him and you can continue to ignore him - but stop nagging her.
I guess my only concern in this situation would be if your mother has any kind of savings accounts or nest egg that she has saved up over the years. Try to help watch her finances to be sure that this man isn't just draining her money and then will eventually move on.