So I’m 19 (F) and my bf is 20. We started dating around a year and a half ago and between me and him things have been great. We have a great relationship and I care about and respect him a lot. The only huge problem we seem to have had is his parents and some of the things they do. Since day 1 his mom has been spiteful and just downright mean. She has tried to involve herself in our relationship too many times to count and I don’t know how to deal with that. She has always been VERY clingy and attached to my bf, to the point where both me and him have become uncomfortable by it. A few months ago he sat down with her and had a very mature and reasonable conversation about how he felt about their relationship and that he wanted some space to grow and mature while he prepared to move out. Since then she has been horrible, giving him the silent treatment and honestly treating him like ****. She drinks to the point where you can’t even have a conversation with her, and once she texted one of my friends (who happens to be her co-worker) who I had been discussing a roommate situation with, and told her to NOT LET ME OR MY BF LIVE WITH HER BECAUSE WE WOULD BE HORRIBLE ROOMATES. Literally out of nowhere, for no reason at all. I confronted her about this and all she did was blame the alcohol. His dad is practically even worse, he’s racist as hell and doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I want these people to be a part of me and my bf’s future but they act less like an adult than us
Answers & Comments
It's nothing personal, it's just not the same.
No clue what that means but I don't know if I should be a fun way to spend a lot of time to get fat
I believe in family, and, personally, I would never turn my back on a family member, or cut them out of my life. Having said that, there are always 'problem people' in our lives that are hard to deal with, hard to like/respect etc.. and with them, it is best to be respectful, kind (set a good example), but also, for your own sanity, minimize contact, to some degree. Just because these people are your bf's relatives, and potentially your future in-laws, does not mean that you need to see them regularly.
You can't change people. They need to know that you are there to help them, that you treat them with respect, but they do not need to come over regularly, and you do not have to accept invitations regularly. If, for example, a visit with them would ruin your birthday, then see them on a separate day. There is also no harm in your bf seeing his parents separately.
Be the bigger person, set a good example, show them respect, don't cut them out completely, but do keep them in your life. People do change, situations change and if/when it does, you want to not have bad relations to think about