Here is the background information: I was raised in a Christian fundamentalist family. They weren't fanatics, but my parents took the Bible literally and religion very seriously. When I was a teenager, I stopped believing in Christianity. I became very interested in science, and too much of the Bible didn't make sense to me. Over the years I dabbled in various other religions (Unitarianism, Buddhism, Neopaganism, etc), but I have never been able to take any of them very seriously, and now I consider myself to be an atheist.
That was decades ago, and now my parents are quite elderly. I have never discussed my lack of belief with other members of my family. I have never lied about it, but I have become very adept at changing the subject whenever religion comes up.
On the one hand, I feel like I have kept an important part of myself hidden away, and feel rather cowardly for doing so. On the other hand, I have let sleeping dogs lie for many years, and it seems rather selfish to change habits which have kept me at peace with my family for so long.
Answers & Comments
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If your parents are religious and very elderly, don't tell them it could put them over the edge.
it takes some of us a lot longer to figure out where we belong. I would not say anything at this point as your views may change once again.as a general rule I feel it is rude to discuss religion with others unless all are in agreement the same goes for politics. for the record on some of the things in the Bible not making sense, you have to remember they kept records and time differently back then. also I believe that there are just some things that we as humans are not supposed to know at this point in our lives and have to wait until we go to that other place whatever you choose to call it.
If you were able to "change the subject whenever religion comes up," then it probably wasn't important enough for your family to care what you believed in. Even in families where everyone shares the same religious beliefs, there can be differences of religious opinion. Focus on the things you share with them instead. You might not all believe in the same deity but probably hold similar personal values, for instance.
Your parents probably already have an inkling that you don't share their beliefs-changing the subject is a clue. You are their child,and they probably know you better than you think. The fact that they've never confronted or questioned you shows they're content to let this sleeping dog lie. Maybe you should do the same. If I'm right,there's no point and if I'm wrong,your disclosure may cause them unnecessary pain-
although I think by their age they're probably more open-minded than they were when you were younger.
I don't really think there's anything wrong with not mentioning it. If the subject doesn't come up, there's no reason to force the issue, unless you just feel the need to tell them. If you really feel like you have to tell them, do so. They may be more accepting than you think, or not, I don't know your family. My dad and I used to argue about religion (I was raised Catholic and also turned atheist) but it's not a problem now.
It depends on the reason you want to tell them. If it is an effort to gain control over a situation you had not control over when you were growing up or if you want to discourage them in their beliefs, then there is no reason to say anything- it is selfish. If your motivation is to provide your family an honest impression of who you are in an effort to grow a more open and honest relationship, then you should. Think of your motivation and base your decision on that.
I don't think you should out-right announce that you are an athiest, but if and when the subject comes up you should not try to avoid being honest about yourself. It obviously bothers you that you can't share a part of yourself with your family, or you wouldn't have posted this question!
I don't see what good can come of your coming out so to speak?
How are you changing you habits? If you are going to church just because of them that is silly. Just stop going if the conversation comes up explain your thoughts.
I'm assuming you act as a decent moral person regardless of your faith or lack there of.
Well i can say this, do you know what an atheist is? and you know that your not an atheist when you feel like you have to tell people you are.
READ THE BOOK OF MORMON THAT IS THE ONLY TRUE RELIGION
They probably already know or at least suspect. I wouldn't bring it up in a conversation, but if someone ever asks just be honest. And if they disown you, that's their decision not yours.