My partner of 12 yrs recently just blurted out she wants 6 months space to "be me" & that she doesn't feel as strong as she once did. We have had some issues over the last couple of yrs but nobody has lied, cheated, drinking etc (at least to my knowledge) we have a young child together and own our own home.
She won't really talk to me with regards to what triggered this situation, only that it's "lots of stuff" I've tried to be a good communicator, not get frustrated or angry but after a week feeling like I'm going in circles I'm non the wiser.
My personal feeling is six months is to long and she hasn't given a lot of thought to the practical side of this(living arrangements, bills etc) I've asked if she just wants to end things now permanently to save everyone the heart ache of going through this situation again in the future but she's non committal and has told me ending things forever is very final.
My gut feeling is its over, however I do love her & I have the family to consider, I don't really know where I stand & when I asked her what happened if down the line she realised she has made a mistake she answered "ill just get my family back" I don't think it's that simple is it?
I'm torn between giving "some" space, although she has said unless it's months it won't make a difference, or taking the decision myself to finish things & move the situation forward myself, I'd like ideally to resolve things but I feel alone, sad, & I'm worried my daughter will suffer.
Answers & Comments
Space for her boyfriend I suppose................
It means she is probably tired of you and is hooking up with someone else
Whatever concerns you, concerns your partner as well.
If you hold her back, then you're already watering a dead flower.
Clearly, she doesn't have 'ending things' in her mind.
You've just begun to feel stressed for awhile since the whole episode started.
Just think about your partner.
Perhaps she's been feeling stressed out and weak for a long long time and you never knew about it. Something must have bothered her for awhile.
She's asking for space, not separation. I think you should support her and figure out how to make it work.
A female friend of mine gave this same ultimatum to her husband. She really didn't want to stay with him but she was effectively trying out how it would be if she was divorced. If she discovered that it was worse than staying with him she would have returned. If she felt that a weight was lifted from her shoulders she would have moved towards a divorce. Unfortunately the husband went after her. Not to demonstrate any changes that he had made to encourage her to return. Instead he expected her to continue in this new location just as she had in the old one. That made her mind up and the divorce became inevitable.
It is probable that there are things that are bothering her. But you don't know what they are. If she doesn't want to take the daughter then it is more of a sign of her feeling overwhelmed and truly just wanting a break. If she wants to take the daughter then it is more of an indication that it isn't space she needs. She is considering leaving you and you only.
Listen very carefully. She may be trying to say things that you are not hearing and those messages are vital to any future outcome.
People just do not step out on their lives for a relationship hiatus and expect to step right back in as if nothing happened. She is not thinking this whole cockimame idea through.
What, she up and leaves with your child? Or is she leaving the kid behind with you? And, you are right, how does this effect your finances? Does she expect you to move out or is she leaving? This is crazy talk and makes no sense.
Sit her down during a calm moment and tell her that you two need to go to couples concealing so you can either fix this relationship or find a way to part and end jt. None of this six month relationship suspension. That idea solves nothing but it sure will create even more problems.
If she thinks she can waltz in and out of her lifestyle and expect everything to be hunky dory with you, she has mental/emotional imbalances.
Follow your gut. If you think the relationship cannot be saved, just break up. Your daughter deserves more stability than living a life with a mom who wants to take off with or without her for six months to "find herself".
I think she wants out but is afraid to close that door, while she tries to find out if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. She needs to see a therapist or be honest and just break up with you. How she expects you to hold on for six months while disrupting your life and that of YOUR DAUGHTER''s is SELFISH.
OK she wants "space". Tell her you want to go to couple's counseling for a few months BEFORE she takes that step. See what comes out in that. I suspect there is something more behind that feeling.
It could be she is suffering from depression and can't see any good in her life and thinks a change might "fix" that in her. Maybe she she feels overwhelmed with her life, caring for a young child, and wants an escape.
It could be there is someone else and she is trying to ease into a break this way.
It could be that your relationship is not what you think it is and she has already drifted away from you, in heart if not yet physically. Can you see that in her? Has she asked you for things thta you have not done, let go because you are "too busy" or simply forgetting that she might have asked? Does she feel like she is a priority to you? ASked you for more time and attention but not got it?
Shouldn't the needs of your "young child" come first - whatever is best for her? Not warring parents, obviously, but agree to make her the main focus.
Reading books like Dr Phil McGraw's excellent book, "Relationship Rescue" helps to give us deeper insights into how relationships work. There are other excellent books, of course.
It seems a little unfair of her to spring this on you without any sort of explanation. It would be fair for you and your daughter at least to explore the options, one of which should probably be to get some sort of relationship counselling. Read the book soon, though!
Good Luck!
Maybe I am wrong ;but your partner doesnt love you anymore
When you love someone you want to be with this person all the time
but ask her to go in counseling before
taking her space
Marital counseling is \always useful
She has cheated and she is guilty.. she wants to give you space hoping you would cheat and then everything becomes normal..