So my wife and I are relatively young, 20 & 21, and we have a little 3 year old girl. We do pretty good for ourself, both work, bills never late, just good work ethic and habits. Well her sister who is 13 is just the one to get in trouble, her parents at this point don’t really want to put up with it any more, and I repeat the words that my mother in law said, “At this point I want her to run away so the cops will arrest her”...so she isn’t getting the attention my wife says and just explains that she knows how to feels to not get the attention when you really need it so she has this idea to have her with us while she was on summer break. She says it would save us on day care, things would be locked up..etc. I mean what could be some upsides, or downsides..
Answers & Comments
Disaster! Parents are responsible for raising their children, not siblings. Buy them the important parenting books such as, “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk and Listen so Kids will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
This is the dumbest thing I've read this week.
A troubled unreliable 13-year-old in you home where you lock your material objects up, and leave her in charge of the MOST precious thing you have- a 3-year-old baby!
The big problem is these children will not listen and take instruction from anyone. They rule the world, and probably will come between you and your wife. If yiu think you will, you and your wife need to sit down and write out a list of rules you require from her, as other wise she will make up rules as she goes. And weekly you may change the rules spending on her behavour, this will depend on her. My woman's daughter came and lived with us, life become hell, had to get police in to remove her, even though she was well educated and is now an accountant, but behind closed doors, they behave how they feel. And can use sexual threats to blackmail you. Beware.
You do not have the training, experience, or expertise to solve your sister-in-law's problems.
You are also WAY TO YOUNG to be married and parents, so any little problems with this will be GROSSLY exaggerated.
Things have to be LOCKED UP if she's in your house??? I'm sorry, but you both are too young to be running a rehab center. No way should you trust the girl around your kids! I know your wife wants to help her sister, but it's up to your in-laws. It's got to be very bad if they want their own daughter arrested. This goes beyond paying her some attention. Your home is in for a rude awakening by allowing this girl in.
The upsides are everything your wife has pointed out, the bad sides is that if her own parents can't handle her what logic suggests you and your wife can? Thus you have a valid reason to be apprehensive, but no one can predict the future.
So you and your wife are both right. And when that happens in marriage you look for a compromise so each of you gets what you want, but no one gets everything. I suggest agreeing to allow her to come on a trial basis making it very clear to everyone (your wife, your in-laws, and the 13 year old) that if things don't work out, little sis will be moving out soon.
She's troubled, but you want to leave her in charge of your 3 year old? Are you insane? Taking her in to help her is one thing, but you can't put her in charge of a child. You need to arrange for her to receive therapy, which her school guidance counselor can help you to get set up. Make sure your in laws give you a power of attorney for her, so that you can provide her with medical care and such should something happen. They should also pay you something towards the cost of her expenses, such as food, housing, clothing,... The upside is that she may actually feel loved, which would improve her behavior. There is no upside for you and your wife. The downside is you may end up stuck with her for the next five years, and she stands a good chance of destroying both your home and your marriage. Not to mention she could easily harm your child.
Save money on daycare? Um, no. A troubled 13-year-old is not the person to be left in charge of a toddler. Bad idea. Too much could go wrong.
Aside from that, it's up to you and your wife. If you decide to invite her over for the summer, make sure she knows the rules first (whatever rules you decide are reasonable) and make sure she knows what will happen if she doesn't follow them. Also have some idea what you expect her to do with herself if she's going to be alone in your house all day, every day. It might do her good to get away from her mom, but on the other hand, it might give her freedom to get into even more trouble,
She could make trouble if she has people over to visit her, making it so she's bringing the trouble with her. Like can you really expect her to never see her friends? Especially over the summer? They'd come around, she'd say she's going out. It could make her feel like she has even more freedom to roam. Unless she's really far away from the trouble she's in.
If she is getting away from her problems, fine, but if she leaves a forwarding address for her problems, then don't allow it. Too many times, they just bring their problems with them.