I’ve posted before about how my husband doesn’t like my family. I’m at the point now where I don’t ask him I go along with what he says since I’ve put him through a lot. But basically my family lives 6 hours away. I’ve only seen them when we drove down there and they never visit. Even before the drama my dad and brother wouldn’t visit unless I was close by . My dad had never been to my house by himself my brother only stopped by for 30 minutes. They call a lot but never want to come visit. They only want me to go since they’re afraid to drive but only want me to drive down there. They make excuses that my mom can’t go so they don’t but it’s easier for them if I just go. My husband says they don’t see me as a priority or as highly as I see them. I’ll do what I can for them while they won’t for me. I was at the point of ruining my marriage so they can be around my children but they don’t want my mom mad at them
Answers & Comments
If your mother wass inappropriate with you and now with your daughter - then you need to decide what's best for your family - you don't mention what she's done - drink beer in front of her or pass out on drugs? beat you? what did she do? and if she has done the same thing to your daughter, she didn't learn a lesson
if your dad and brother call a lot and know the family is not welcome at your house - they are doing everything they can
Since your husband doesn't like your family they probably feel very uncomfortable coming to your house.
Visiting or not visiting does NOT imply love. Family is family no matter where you live. I barely visit my sister, and she lives in the same city as I do. It has nothing to do with my priority for her in my life. My marriage is my marriage. We stand up in that, and make our decisions as a unit. If my unit is flawed, it has nothing to do with my brother or father or whether they can drive. The unit needs to be fixed. Unless of course you can operate with a flawed marriage. I think you need to have a few talks with your husband about how much YOU would like to see your family. And how much time should be put towards doing that. Whether they come to see you is very minor in this issue. Unless it bothers you, it shouldn't matter. You two as parents are deciding how your children grow up, and what kind of experiences you want them to have and remember. Do your best. That's all you can be responsible for. Blessed journeys.
If you don't mind having to do all the work to keep any relationship with your parents, then keep doing what you're doing. Take your kids to visit them, but keep a good eye out for child molesters around there. Your children's safety should be your first priority here. It seems like you've forgiven your parents for they way they reacted to what happened to you as a child, but your husband hasn't. Now he's nitpicking and pointing out all their faults to you in hopes that you'll just stop carimg about them so much. Anyways, talk to your parents and tell them that you and them are to start taking turns driving to each other's homes for family visits (grandkids time) and that's the way it will be from now on. So daddy and bro need to get over their fear of driving.
your husband sounds controlling, i would never want to be with someone like that
Just from what you've wrote, you don't make sense and your husband makes sense. Your parents & brother clearly doesn't care about you or your family you've created ENOUGH to visit. You're saying that yourself, I don't understand why you don't see what's wrong with that. So what if your mom gets mad? If she wants to see her grand children, she can visit no problem. So what if they're scared of driving? Public transportation is available and it's not like they have no ability to visit you. Your parents & brother seems VERY toxic to me.
The problem isn't your parents & brother, problem is you. I don't know what other dramas you've had your husband put through but I'm assuming that is your family related. If that's the case, I don't understand why you wouldn't choose your husband & your kids over your parents & brother.
I happen to have parents & brother who lives 12 hours away from me. If they act like this to me, I'd stop giving a damn about them.
Your kids are still part of "your family" too. He doesn't get to decide that for you.
I never allowed mine to be anywhere near my parents, my sibling practically let them raise his children. He just couldn't see how toxic they were. It sure sounds like you don't want to accept that they are toxic.
Edit: I just read what you wrote in the comments under Pearl..................So now I have to ask.............WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! Why would you even consider putting your children through that! You are lucky your husband doesn't divorce you and take the kids for even suggesting they be around your father!