My girlfriend and fiancée of 5 years was kidnapped 2 months ago. We got her back a week later and I'm extremely happy that she's back. But while she was kidnapped they made her do curtain things I'm not okay with.
She was kidnapped by two of her co workers who are now in jail. But during that week she was with them they made her have sex with them. She told me that she didn't like it at first but by the second and third time she said she started to enjoy it. I ask her if it was rape and she told me yes at first but by the second or third the sex was mutual until the police found them.
She was a virgin and I am a virgin and now I can't look at her the same way. I mean I saved my virginity for her and she gave hers away maybe not by her choice but that didn't stop her from enjoying it.
I know I should just be happy that she's safe and I am it's just bothering me. I waited for my special someone and to hear her say she enjoyed sex with other men makes me sick. It’s like she cheated on me but not really
What do think of my situation? And any advice?
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uh she didn't cheat if she was raped.......but the 3rd time she had sex she said it was mutual and she enjoyed it. THAT'S CHEATING! i would dump her. that's messed up.
This is one F'ed up situation. You say she was kidnapped by 2 of her co-workers. Was she tortured in any way? Or was it all just sex? First of all, you have to realize she was kidnapped against her will and was made to have sex against her will. The fact that she enjoyed the sex a few times into it, well... sex is enjoyable. Although, I wouldn't want to hear my girlfriend say that either. But you have to put yourself in her shoes, too. She didn't choose to be kidnapped and basically raped against her will. I'm sure she didn't develop any feelings for those guys and she's glad to be back with you and her family. It does suck that you guys were saving yourselves for marriage and then this happens. I can only imagine how much this would screw with me. Even though me and my girlfriend are not virgins, it would eat at me that she was raped by a some guys. You just have to get through the rough times that this situation may present. You've been together for 5 years. Life is hard and sh!t happens to good people who don't deserve it. But this situation will test you both and show just how committed and strong you guys are. Or it might get the worst of the both of you and ruin the relationship. You can't put any blame on her, though. If I were her, I would have kept my mouth shut about enjoying the sex. I'm sure she didn't mean to make you jealous or mad, though. Good luck.
I have never heard of a woman eventually just getting over it and enjoying sex with a rapist... that makes no sense. It's also totally uncool that you are blaming her for being raped. Really I don't know that I believe any of the story that you've shared.... but assuming it's true... as unfair as it is to victimize her a second time you should probably leave her. You think of what happened to her as her cheating and it doesn't seem like you are going to get over it so you might as well both move on. Give her a shot to find someone understanding that won't judge her.
Wow.
I feel bad for you first of all, in fact I feel worse for you than I do her.
Here is the deal. And I am sure you already know this but people who have traumatic sexual situations like this or rape in general or a naughty aunt, uncle, father, mother, teacher, whatever tend to have serious problems with sex later in life and can cause serious problems for sex for other people in their lives. They cannot connect sex with love. The honest truth is there is no real connection with sex and love. I love my kids, I love my family, I love my sister in law, my brother in law, my father in law, and so on but I only have sex with my wife. Does that mean I love my kids or any of the other family any less? NO
The fact that she told you these things tells me that she loves and trusts you. She didn't realize that it would hurt you, or she didn't care that it may hurt you.
My wife when we were dating went thru some stuff that was ugly. We were kinda off and on. We had been together for about a year then we broke it off. When we did she saw another guy, no big deal. except that when we got back together she continued to see this guy behind my back for sex. Even as things went on for us she was still going to his place when I was sleeping or working just for sex. He was married with kids!! I knew something was up and couldn't put my finger on it so I broke it off with her again. We got back together a third time and everything was great until I found out that she had done that to me. Now we are still together, married for over two years, we are happy, everything is peaches but I am the one with serious sex problems. I have a serious lack of sex drive with her. I know it is because of what she did. I just cant let it go. It is a different situation than yours, much different but I am just letting you know that what happened to her can seriously effect you.
She enjoyed it the second and third times could lead her to be a nympho, could lead her to not be interested in normal sex, (she may not be able to enjoy it unless you treat her rough or something, who knows) I honestly think your in for a bad relationship and should probably break it off. That sad part to that is she could be effected negatively by that as well.
Your best bet, and this is going to be th hardest thing you have ever done, is be friends only with her. help her thru all of this then be gone.
You have to remember that she was raped. What happened to her sounds like Stockholm Syndrome,where the captive develops feelings for the captor,a common psychological condition for those circumstances. It's like mind control,almost.
I know it's hard for you and your girlfriend. I think she should get counseling to adjust,and you should as well. Whether you go separately or together,both of you need to deal with what happened and this sounds like something where a professional would be needed.
This could be stockholm sydrome. she was raped and kidnapped but people have been known to gain a liking to there kidnapper during their imprisonment.
Plus, she didnt cheat on you, they made her feel she had to. and that could have led to stockholm syndrome.
In my mind, i consider her technically a virgin. She didnt choose sex, she said no, and she originally didnt wanwt it. if you can pictureher like that than that will be better. She may have lost her virginity but since there was nothing she could do, imagine her as a virgin.
Your attitude is outrageous and totally unforgivable. Only an inadequate male would voice an opinion such as yours. She DID NOT CHOOSE to be kidnapped and raped and I expect she felt that if she accepted sex at a later date it might keep her alive. It is up to you to support her mentally and bring her back to her old self.
if she was kidnapped she could have been in such a crazy state of mind that she made herself enjoy it to stop feeling like she was being raped. i think thats common, like ppl fall in love with the ppl that kidnap and abuse them. but maybe she's just a slut
This is very, very sad situation that should not have happened.
But it did, and it would be very hard to cope with it.
You need to get professional help. They are trained to handle situations like this and they will give you better tools to handle with your situation. So get a professional help.
if she enjoyed it it's cheating and if she enjoyed being raped she needs more help than u can give her.