My girlfriend and fiancée of 5 years was kidnapped 2 months ago. We got her back a week later and I'm extremely happy that she's back. But while she was kidnapped they made her do curtain things I'm not okay with.
She was kidnapped by two of her co workers who are now in jail. But during that week she was with them they made her have sex with them. She told me that she didn't like it at first but by the second and third time she said she started to enjoy it. I ask her if it was rape and she told me yes at first but by the second or third the sex was mutual until the police found them.
She was a virgin and I am a virgin and now I can't look at her the same way. I mean I saved my virginity for her and she gave hers away maybe not by her choice but that didn't stop her from enjoying it.
I know I should just be happy that she's safe and I am it's just bothering me. I waited for my special someone and to hear her say she enjoyed sex with other men makes me sick. It’s like she cheated on me but not really
What do think of my situation? And any advice?
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Get over yourself and be there for your woman.
Sometimes, women even orgasm when they're raped. Men orgasm sometimes when they're raped in certain ways. The physical sensations don't matter, what matters was that the sex was NOT consensual. Usually, this is something that the rape victim is very confused and conflicted about.
There's also something called 'Stockholm Syndromre'. It's when a person who's kidnapped starts identifying with their kidnappers, until their kidnappers have complete control over them. It's like brainwashing, but it's not intentional. Your fiance probably is suffering from that as well.
Also, rape is sex without consent, or by force, coercion, threat of force, etc. So, if your fiance thought her kidnappers would kill her or harm her if she didn't have sex with them, that was rape, even if she didn't fight back physically.
Wow. That is an extremely weird situation. You can't get mad at her
for getting raped but the fact that she enjoyed it? That is weird. Who
enjoys being raped? I mean if I was in that situation I would be very
scared. Who knows if they are going to kill you in the end? How could
you enjoy having unwilling sex with anyone? No matter how many times
it happens. I feel bad for her but it sounds like after awhile it wasn't really
rape if she enjoyed it. I don't know. If I were you I would sit down and talk
to her and tell her how you feel. If you guys stay together you don't want
that hanging over your head for the rest of your life. It will just cause
problems. Its very unfortunate that that happend to her but your relation-
ship is also important.
Please don't act like this is her fault. She has just been through a horrible situation that most of us wouldn't even dare dream of. She was raped - as far as you are concerned as her fiancee, that should not make her any less pure or any less of a woman. She did not choose this. And also bear in mind that trauma will do weird things to people psychologically speaking. For instance, getting physical pleasure out of the sex helped her cope with what was actually going on. I'm not a doctor and I'm not saying that IS what happened, but you need to keep these things in mind. If you really love her, please don't look down on her for this... be the rock that she needs to get through this so the two of y'all can live happily ever after.
Frankly, she did cheat on you. At first it was rape, and then she realized that she enjoyed it and by the second or third time, it was mutual. Mutual sex is cheating when you're with someone, especially since she was not forced to do it. What's even worse about the situation is that she would actually ENJOY sex with someone who raped and kidnapped her.
If you don't see yourself ever getting over, understanding, or coming to terms with what happened, I would say that your best bet is to break off the engagement. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who gets raped and then wants to have sex with that person again. Strange.
Get over YOURSELF you chauvinistic, macho a*hole.
Listen to yourself! She was KIDNAPPED. Her life is threatened by RAPISTS! She's was RAPED! She didn't know of she was ever going to get out of there alive or see her family or you again. She probably didn't know if she would be alive to see the sun come up again. And YOU are the one whining about YOUR loss?
Some FACTS for your consideration....
The number one or number two sexual fantasy for women in every culture surveyed is? Survey says: Rape fantasies.
Maybe she's always fantasied about rough sex... she got some and made the best of a terrible situation; deal with it.
Her first sexual experience, she doesn't know how to react and maybe the SOB raping her is a halfway decent lover... so her body takes over and turns something terrifying into something that isn't quite as painful... and you hold this against her?? It's called survival instinct.
Listen to yourself... She gets raped and all you can talk about is your pain, your suffering, your heartbreak over what she needed to do to survive. You are upset there won't be a bit of blood on the sheet on your wedding night. You would have preferred her "Death before Dishonor" I suppose? She comes back in a nice white coffin?
(Lets make something quite clear on that score, both my wife and daughter know I love them as much as life itself and I would much prefer them coming home "spoiled" rather than in a body-bag.)
Another thing, you sound like a wounded property owner. Someone spoiled my property... It was not your virginity to take, it was hers to give away. Now she will never be able to give it away with love because she was raped. She traded it for her life, and as long as she was in their power she traded her sex for her life. Smart lady I would say.
And she was truthful with you, the man she loved; a man can't ask for more. She trusted you with the truth and you threw it back in her face.
Tell you what, compadre, if you can't look her in the face knowing she loves you and put this behind you, leave the girl. You are not worthy of her and the marriage would never work anyway because you aren't man enough to understand that they raped her and she would have been coming to you on her wedding night out of love, not fear and desperation.
If I could say one thing to her it is that if you cannot understand and love her enough to put this terrible thing behind the two of you, she should dump you into the nearest gutter.
When a women is raped a lot of the time they do enjoy it physically. It can be confusing to women cause in their mind it is not ok but their body is enjoying it. She didn't enjoy it her body did.
it is understandable that your hurt she lost her virginity to someone else but you need to be there for her this is a very had time for her.
What did they have her do with curtains?
Seriously though, maybe Stockholm Syndrome took over, look it up. I'd be forgiving, given the circumstances. Perhaps it was mutual because that is what kept them from killing her. Only she knows in the end though.
Maybe she has developed a Fetish, Curtains CAN be addicting you know. Especially Roast Beef Curtains!
sounds like she wanted to be kidnapped by them or something. or she enjoyed getting kidnapped by them cuz she thinks there cute or hot or sexy or something. and she's just lying to you bout being raped. or maybe she's not lying. maybe they did rape her but she never had sex before and she liked it. it felt good to her. so she wanted more. and then more. i say she like sex. otherwise i don't know.
if she was raped the first time it happened, it wasnt by choice. some people belive that there abducters make them belive that they like it. its very wierd but it happens. you shouldnt leave her ot try to get even, just try and talk it out. so yes she cheated on you while she was abducted, but the first time when she LOST he virginity, it wasnt by choise. she didnt purpously lose it by chioce