My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years, and recently got engaged. We’re both 29, live together, and have a great relationship. I know his morals and values very well and I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that he would not cheat on me. He feels strongly about infidelity because he was cheated on in the past.
But while I trust him, I’m naturally a jealous person who’s a little insecure and I often have to remind myself that I’m worthy and he’s chosen to be with me and asked me to marry him. So lately I’ve found myself noticing some behaviors that seem odd to me. He seems to always get text messages when I leave the room because I hear his phone go off, which makes me think he reaches out to someone the moment I leave and then I hear the response. He also puts his phone away when I return to the room or when I wake up and roll over to face him in bed. I really believe he wouldn’t cheat but this just feels weird to me and it’s probably my own insecurity but I don’t know what to do. Any advice? It’s just a weird, unsettling feeling.
Answers & Comments
You're trying too hard to convince us, and probably yourself, that this is a great relationship. His behavior is definitely suspicious, so it doesn't help if you try to minimize it by blaming your insecurities. Anybody would be bothered by this.
Also, it's possible you jumped the gun on living together too soon. I say this because it's a common mistake most of us have made, but it's also deadly. I mention it because when you take this big step, it's mandatory that you have excellent, open and honest communication skills. If you had these, you wouldn't be asking this question. You should feel free to discuss ANYTHING that bothers you.
The only possible answer to give you is talk to him. Don't sound accusatory, but rather curious. However, you want an answer from him, so don't downplay it.
All you can do is keep checking up on him and look at his phone and his computer then you'll know for sure.
When he suddenly puts the phone away, ask to examine his phone. If he's hiding something, he'll give you a hard time about that.
This is what engagement is about, a few years of "marriage lite" to let the "make a good impression" facade give way to the "true colors" reality. If he's sneaky and secretive you want to know about that NOW, not after marrying him.
If you can't talk to him about it then stop kidding yourself into thinking you have a great relationship
Ask to see his phone. He should have nothing to hide if he is honest. Don't accept, "Don't you trust me?" as an argument.