明天9/20我就要面臨我人生的轉折點，請各位大大幫我"對"一下，文法跟單字是否都對，另外，有關工作經歷那段，單字有點難唸，可以幫我修改一下嗎??感恩!!!如下:
各位面試官午安!
My name is Winni Chen.
In 1982 was born to the桃園, this year 24 years old.
My family has six members, has the daddy, mother, elder brother, the elder sister, the younger sister and I.
I graduated from the Transworld institution of Technology, majors in the commercial management.(商管類)
*My interest is looked the television and hits the ballgame.
The present work experience and purchases the assistant by the
administrative personnel primarily.(相關工作經驗以行政、採購助理為主)
In the future, I hoped obtains studies the opportunity to enrich
Oneself.(未來目標，我希望有機會繼續求學，充實自我)
Finally, hoped has the opportunity to enter the company to service.(最後，我希望有此機會入貴公司服務)
Thank you for your listening!
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
我們的英文同名又同年生呢!
幫你修改了一下
希望能幫助到你喔
Good Afternoon! Everyone!
My name is Winni Chen,
I am 24 years old now,
I graduated from Transworld institution of technology,
my majoring in school is Commercial management.
My family consist of 6 members which are parents and 4 children.
I like to watch Television programs and play ball games.
My work experience is related with stock purchase and personnel administration,
and as of now,
I am willing to learn more about other area,
to improve my profession and to sharpen my ability.
Hopefully, I will be given a chance to work here.
I promise to do my best to achieve the goal of the company.
Thank you for the attention and the listening.
改這樣
應該會比較好
各位面試官午安!
My name is Winni Chen.
(My name is Winne Chen, who is 24 years old now. I was born in 1982 at the Taiyoung City. There are six members in my family, including dad, mom, elder brother, elder sister, younger sister and me.)
In 1982 was born to the桃園, this year 24 years old.
My family has six members, has the daddy, mother, elder brother, the elder sister, the younger sister and I.
I graduated from the Transworld institution of Technology, majors in the commercial management.(商管類)(I, majored in the commercial management, garduated from the Transworld institution of Technology)
*My interest is looked the television and hits the ballgame.(Watching the TV and hitting the ball game are my favor interests)
The present work experience and purchases the assistant by the
administrative personnel primarily.(相關工作經驗以行政、採購助理為主)(The prevelant working experiences I had are regarding administrative and purchasing assistant)
In the future, I hoped obtains studies the opportunity to enrich
Oneself.(未來目標，我希望有機會繼續求學，充實自我)(In the future, I hope I would have the chance to continue my study and to enrich myself)
Finally, hoped has the opportunity to enter the company to service.(最後，我希望有此機會入貴公司服務)(In the end, it would be my pleasure to have the opportunity to joing your group.
Thank you for your listening! (Thanks for your listening and consideration!)