Verified answer

getting to know someone you plan to marry is not done on a question and answer basis. you can sit down and write a list of questions or things you would like to know about him, but you should allow the answers to the quesitons to come in a natural way as you get to know one another.

my husband and i have been married for 27 years and there are times when he tells me something about his life before he met me that i am still surprised to learn. getting to know the person you love and marry with is a life long project.

for starters though, you should find out about these things, not by asking him questions but rather by sharing together and taking note of his responses and fililng them away in your memory bank. what i mean by that is for instance, suppose you are interested in knowing more about his past relationships. the way to do that is not by grilling him with questions, but by beginning a converstation about them. you could start out by talking about your own past relationships and if he is not forth coming with information about his in return, then ask something like " how about you? did you ever have that problem? what you want to achieve it to gather information without making him feel like he is being questioned.

here are a few things you might want to know about him.

1. how he deals with disappointments

2. how he functions under pressure

3. how he conducts his relationships with other people like co-workers or family.

4. his vision for the future

5. specifics like how many children he wants

6. what he feels about susbstances like alcohol and drugs

7. his political beliefs. these do not have to be the same as yours if you are able to not fight about it or make an issue of it between you.

8. his religious beliefs....same here.

9. his work ethic

10. his world view

On the offchance this is a serious question, you learn about someone's character long BEFORE getting engaged! Why are you so desperate to have a "fiance"? Do you realize how it sounds that you've committed your life to someone you don't even know?

Oh, and the other answer is you don't learn about someone by asking questions. What the heck does that achieve? You learn by watching and listening and communicating.

As for your comment to Dez, this is the wedding section and you're going to get adult answers. If you want someone dumb enough to list actual questions for you, go to Singles and Dating. They'll do it.

Honestly, I think the best way to learn someone's character is to hang with their friends. People tend to chose friends who are like then, and are often very different people with friends then with girl friends.

Also, ask him if he wants kids.

Why would you be promised to marry a person whose character you are unsure of? It's hard to come up with questions, because I think most of us were quite sure about who we were marrying before saying yes to the proposal.

Ask him, "Are you ok with marrying a girl who you barely know simply because of family and social pressures? Do you see me as a slave to do your bidding, follow your rules, take care of your house and have sex with you whenever you say, whether or not I want to?" I think all of that says something about someone's character.

Shouldn't you have thought of this BEFORE you agreed to marry him?