A few months ago I entered a stall in a bathroom. The scene was this: yellow water, tissue seat cover in a frozen state of half-flush, maybe a wee of pee sprinkles under that and on the seat. Basically it looks dramatic but is really NBD.

Before I can take action and render the stall usable, a young woman speaks up. She too is waiting and lets me know that stall is too nasty! Right. I step out like it’s full of snakes and fidget in my place behind her. There’s a tell-tale flush, and she soon takes the stall on the right. Now I’m just an idiot alone, standing in front of an empty stall waiting to pee. For some reason.

I want to use the stall. I’ve recovered and realize it’s not so bad. But no way can I use it until this other woman leaves. She’ll know. She’ll think I’m gross. She’s right next door.

Then another woman comes in. Of course she moves her puzzled gaze from me, to the empty stall, back to me. Now what should I do? Some options:

1. Lie! "I just walked in and at first I thought someone was in there!"

2. Don’t pee. Hold it and suffer for another hour-and-a-half in class.

3. Whisper the truth, so the young woman in the stall doesn’t hear.

4. Shame this other woman. “No! That one is too nasty! That’s why I’m waiting.”

5. Do some murders for a clean bathroom slate; do better next time.

6. Buy a box of adult diapers and label it: Writing Class Supplies.

7. Tell the doctor about this and see if they’ll reconsider that Klonopin Rx.

8. Make up another option.