Once a cheater always a cheater? Should I send his sorry *** packing or should I let him continue to grovel and plead? Start over or rebuild you tell me? Ok I will try to make this as short as possible. I have been married to my husband for 5yrs, we have to children together and the road of married life has not always been a walk in the park to say the least. We got married at the age of 19yrs and we’ve known each other since we were 17yrs. We started off as friends to best friends to a couple. Well when we first got married we were surrounded by a lot of negativity that end up weeding its way into our marriage, mostly his family and a small amount of his friends who didn’t understand why he was so quick to abandon single life. To be honest I never really cared for his family, never knew them enough personal but, I knew enough I won’t go into details but I’ll name a few drug addiction/dealing and so on. He had changed his life when he started dating me and his family did not think him better for it, they would have preferred for him to be with someone more “hood”. This led to a lot of arguments and mountains of doubts on both parts but to be a 100% I’d say mostly his. Distance grew between us and I couldn't shake the feeling that he was cheating. So NOW 5YRS LATER he confessed to cheating during the whole F**king 1st year of our marriage. After I finally concurred the thought of cutting him into a thousand little pieces I listened to what he had to say, he gave me the whole story, how it happened, how he felt, his doubts and the pressures put on by his friends to always have a “side piece”, and family who always wanted he to be with someone “more hood”, and the turning point in his life when as he says he “realized what he really wanted and what mattered most to him” I spoke to the “other woman” I was able to track her down, she confirmed the time line of the affair, it ending and etc. She admitted as did he into running into each other a few times and nothing happening. Even adding that she didn’t think that I would have anything to “worry about that he made his choice” needless to say he wants to start over he wants to go to counseling he “will do whatever it takes” to rebuild. Help me out my fellow yahoo members the fate of my marriage is left to you, WHAT SHOULD I DO? is it really possible to start over?
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Five years of that? What should you do? What do you think YOU SHOULD DO?
NO, IT'S not possible to start over.
Can you fix a broken egg?
In this situation...consider what is best for your children first! They are the ones that are the most vulnerable. What I think is best for you is to really talk it over with someone with a truly objective opinion such as a marriage counselor or someone else with a certain level of professional expertise. You also have to consider that this isn't just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and you both did make promises that should bind you both together for better and for worse. If that committment is certainly still there then you should give it a chance.
Marriages are always difficult somewhere and infidelity is a culprit often. If someone tries to tell you their own marriage is a breeze and perfect then they are full of BS (and probably miserable). You should also remember to give him credit for fessing up because he could have just never said anything and you would've never known.
If you need to, definitely take some time away (no more than a few days) to clear your mind and to really look at the bigger picture. If you both clearly love each other and both find that desire for the committment then there should be no question about whether or not this should go forward. It should!
I know that some men that once they cheat, they will always cheat. I have seen some that have changed and have truly repented and are not the same man that they were. It depends on how bad the man is willing to have his marriage and family back. The same goes for the woman. Some are cheaters and some aren't. It depends on what kind of person the woman is just like the man because not every man or woman is the same. Some may be but not all of them will be the same.
Well I know im not a man but i want to give you some advice. Doesn't it bother you that it took 4 years to tell you this? I would not stand for this at all! I am sorry to tell you hun but he he kept it a secret this long then i am willing to bet there is more he is not telling you. Also his family they are going to keep pushing him and pushing him to be with someone else. I Just don't think i could be in a marriage like this the rest of my life. I would move on and i know how hard that can be and it's not easy but i think it would be for the best. You deserve someone that treats you right and doesn't sneak around.
when a guy cheats in a marriage it is because something is amiss.
i dont think you're totally out of the blame here!
yes, he cheated, but what happened in your relationship that made him want another? lack of intamacy, nagging, accusing him of cheating when it wasn't happening, etc.
i think you are going to have to take some rsponsibility here.
My wife admitted to me a yr into our marriage that when we were going out b4 we married that she cheated. I forgave her, and i never bring it up again. she has never cheated since we were married.
either you accept what has happened, or you dont!
dont put him or yourself through misery - even to get back at him...its' not worth it - life is too short!
u either concocted the whole story (and very badly i must say) or your husband is an idiot OR he wants to get rid of u and this is the way he is doing it. i mean he cheated many years ago, didn't get caught, why bring it up? to make u suffer? because this is exactly what he is doing
When a man catches a fish he either keeps it or throws it back. If you've been thrown back, Accept it and move on.
what you want he can't do. stop wasting your time