I don’t know how many former Witnesses, or non-Witnesses read the Watchtower magazines, but page 29 of the February 15 2011 Watchtower is disturbing in many ways.
It starts with the typical talk on wives being in subjection to husbands even if he is harsh and husbands should be loving and godly even with an unbelieving wife. Then it goes into this;
“Many modern day examples illustrate the value of applying Peter’s counsel. Consider the case of Selma. When she began to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, her husband, Steve, was not pleased. He admits, “I became angry, jealous possessive and insecure.” Selma observes, ‘Even before I got the truth, living with Steve was like walking on eggshells. He was hot-tempered. When I started studying the Bible, this characteristic intensified.” What helped? Selma recalls a lesson she learned from the Witness who studied with her. “On one particular day,” says Selma, “I didn’t want to have a Bible study. The night before, Steve had hit me as I had tried to prove a point, and I was feeling sad and sorry for myself. After I told the sister what had happened and how I felt, she asked me to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. As I did, I began to reason, ‘Steve never does any of these loving things for me.’ But the sister made me think differently by asking, ‘How many of those acts of love do you show toward your husband?’ My answer was, ‘None, for he is so difficult to live with.’ The sister softly said, ‘Selma, who is trying to be a Christian here? You or Steve?’ Realizing that I needed to adjust my thinking, I prayed to Jehovah to help me be more loving toward Steve. Slowly, things started to change. ”After 17 years, Steve accepted the truth.”
There are many questions that arise with this “experience.”
What kind of “point” could someone ever be attempting to make that would justify being hit by their husband?
What kind of advice is it to tell a woman who is being abused that essentially it’s her fault for not being more loving towards him, and that to solve the problem 17 SEVENTEEN YEARS LATER she should adjust HER thinking?
Did it even solve the problem at all? How “slow” did things start to get better? Did he stop being abusive after he converted? There are abusive husbands within the Jehovah’s Witnesses, so is this the same kind of “you asked for it” attitude given to other women in this situation? He wouldn’t beat you if you just didn’t try and make your points? He wouldn’t beat you if you were a good Christian woman, if you’re being beaten it’s because you’re not being submissive enough, or loving enough?
Would you tell your daughter to stay with an abusive, cruel mate just because he "might" change somewhere down the road, like 17 years?
What are your thoughts and reactions to reading these paragraphs?
I am considering forwarding this to as many women’s rights groups and domestic violence shelters/counselors as I can find. What say you?
Think it would do any good in exposing this misogynistic attitude?
Update:Bar enosh, I guess you're a-ok with women getting beaten and then being told to deal with it. Suck it up, like a good little Christian wife! Nice!
Update 3:Oh please, Suzanna. Spare me the excuses. I've seen LITERALLY a hundred or more accounts of women beaten up by their Jehovah's Witness husbands or their "non-beieving" husbands and the elders telling them "well you must be doing something wrong" just as this "sister" did. Doing nothing to help them. And don't get me started on the rape questions. Instead of being loving and concerned for the well being of the victim, she blames the victim. How do I know he was beating her up for 17 years? How do YOU know he wasn't? Think of the children and teenagers reading this article along with you. Little girls who will grow up thinking "well, he hit me, so I must not be loving enough" and boys who will start thinking, "hmm. my wife isnt being submissive enough. a punch or two will straighten that out!" I could go on here, but I'm not going to waste my time with JWs with their head in the sand. I have your magazines for this exact reason. They are so very helpful for finding little gems like this
Update 5:Actually Andrew, you have only demonstrated how clueless you really are. I've already gotten a great deal of feedback (as have others who are forwarding this article) and these counsellors you are so sure would be offering the "sister" a job, are as outraged as I am.
Answers & Comments
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Not many people know what the JW policy is regarding unbelieving mates (bearing in mind that, to them, an 'unbelieving mate' is a non-JW mate). If s/he is agreeable to continuing to live with the JW mate, then that is encouraged. And for as long as the non-JW mate shows any possibility of becoming interested in the JWs, the JW mate is exhorted to hang on in there, no matter what. The aim is to get that other mate converted to becoming a JW, you see.
However, if the non-JW mate actively resists attempts at conversion to the JW faith, that policy is liable to change. The JW mate will be told by the local elders that such a mate could become "a spiritual threat" and separation will be mentioned as a possibility. Should the non-JW mate show awareness of biblical arguments that challenge JW doctrine, or even have contact with any former JW, this idea of "spiritual threat" will increase and the marriage will be virtually doomed. I'm speaking from experience, having seen this happen with several couples.
Any amount of physical threat is to be tolerated, but no degree of spiritual threat is to be tolerated! And "spiritual threat" amounts to the JW spouse coming to know things about the Watchtower Society and the Bible that the Watchtower Society does not want that JW to know about.
Clearly, in the example you quote from, Steve could never have put up any real resistance to attempts to convert him. What caused the initial problems in their marriage when Selma started studying with the JWs? Steve is quoted as saying, “I became angry, jealous, possessive and insecure.” Given how much time and attention new recruits give to the JWs, Steve had good reason to worry! His wife was being taken over! Her life was being changed, and he wasn't part of that change! How many husbands do you know who wouldn't bat an eyelid at that? He reacted badly, but he reacted to something that was a threat to his marriage!
Of course, the JWs insist that the change is always for the better; that the interested spouse will become a much nicer person to be married to. Well, even if they do, the non-JW spouse will find very little time left in their marriage to benefit from that - the Watchtower Society now governs the JW spouse's life and thinking! It must be a very lonely life, being married to a person who later becomes a JW. No wonder Steve eventually succumbed after 17 years.
how evil for one to encourage another to remain in an abusive relationship. Instead of advising the woman to seek shelter for her safety...once again they twist and bend scripture to keep people oppressed, and subject to cruelty. (( Then )) give them guilt trips to make sure they follow instruction.
Rules of man...and people so lost and psychologically shot down will follow the untruths of a false religion.
Jesus is a loving God, never would he reject someone who is being abused, for seeking safety.
In the book, "Crises of Conscious" written by a former elite member of the jehovahs witness organization known as the governing body(the men who call the shots for the whole organization world wide), Ray franz writes of his experience while being a member of the governing body.
In his book he mentions an incident when a woman was disfellowshiped because she divorced her husband after she found him to be having sex with an animal. She was told that her divorce was unscriptual therefore she was cast out. Things like this are what caused Ray to have a crises of conscience. Double standards within that outfit and lives that were lost, blood shed all because of how the men at the top of that organization direct the lives of people who follow them.
Sounds like they mirror the Pharises.Rules and regulations with total disregard for Gods Grace.
This organization is under demonic influence appearing as an angel of light.
These followers are psychologically damaged spiritually crippled without Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
That's actually rather fascinating. If you think about it, it does make a small fragment of sense, regarding the "Treat others the way you wish to be treated" saying. If she wasn't being loving to her husband she is in fact wrong to assume love from him.
Equivalent exchange, she loves him, and he loves her back. It makes sense. Of course, if she had not become a witness in the first place, she would never have been struck, and those 17 years would not have had to have been troublesome.
It's all how you look at it, I guess. If the ends justify the means, then let bygones be bygones. If the abuse and the suffering was doused, then I applaud them. However, this strategy does not work for everyone. This is not a common story.
He should of at least got counseling. The JW elders always want to take legal matters into their own hands case in point child molestation and removal of children from the emergency room after they have been slated for a mandotory blood transfusion by Child Protective Services. Are they protecting the victims or protecting the organization? Something to think about. Revenues are said to be close to 1 billion dollars so there is a lot at stake for them.
All I can see from this article is that a women was in a volatile situation/relation then she started studying with Jehovah's Witnesses and initially things got a little worse from her husband, but he eventually accepted the truth, Everybody knows that once you accept the truth you change your life style for the better while you remain in the truth.
So this lady and her husband have actually been helped by Jehovah through one of his witnesses, you can run down the witnesses with unsubstantial talk & chat, but we only deal with proof and not hot waffle.
Seems to me that you have an 'axe to grind' with people helping people, & as for commenting on what you perceive to be literal incidents of abuse from other peoples accounts is nothing more than hear say with no proof of any validity to how or where these accounts gathered there intelligence.
If you want to forward this article on to domestic violence shelters/counselors then by all means do it, as they would read the article and then start looking for the Jehovah's Witness who helped the couple and solved their problem with the offer of a job as one of their councilors, as you talk like you have no idea how domestic violence counseling works and how long it can go on for, 17 years is nothing.
3 main reasons how a abusive partner stops abusing,
1. One kills the other
2. One ends the relationship and moves away in secret with help
3. Finds the true God & listens to his teaching.
I think far too many religions and even cult religions as this one is, are too caught up in rules and regulations. All the thou shalts and thou shalt nots. etc. They totally get away from the most important things about the Gospel which are what Christ commands from us.
All of these are contained in the Beatitudes and also are the first two of the 10 commandments. But the final command he gave his disciples at the last supper:
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.John 13:34
Following these commands is how we grow in the Lord's grace. It is a journey that will take many years to produce perfect fruit.
edit: No I would not tell my daughter to stay with an abusive mate. My own daughter left hers because he was violent and abusive emotionally and physically. Christ will forgive those that have to leave, as he already has forgiven them if they have been saved. Don't sweat it.
Jw's love to tell stories of overcoming adversity. The Watchtower publications are notorious for relating unsubstantiated 'fine experiences' told and retold among the organization. Often these stories have been embellished over time, or found to be lacking really critical information as relates to outcome and details.
The Watchtower is shameless when offering up such stories. Yet on the other hand will go to great lengths to feature articles with pictures, names, places of pioneers, bethelites, missionaries, circuit overseers, and other prominent or long time jw.
They use stories like the one you refer as guilt inspiring motivation for those in similar situations. The damage this type of coercion is hard to quantify, but it does serious harm. So yes I think that article should be forwarded to organizations who truly try to help abused mates.
Often the writing department will formulate stories from a collage of letters and inquiries to the 'society' about such matters. They take much liberal license in quoting authors out of context, why wouldn't they do so when it comes to stories they need to make a point.
It is simply another alarm bell signaling the lengths a cult will go to, to keep their sheep in the fold.
Cult is the only word to describe their intentional manipulation of the innocent sheep, who look to them for help.
That is just unbelievable, to excuse the bad behaviour of a man toward a women ,to justify hitting a woman, is disgusting.
The same is true of a woman hitting a man.
Aggressive behaviour toward a wife, frequently goes from yelling, breaking furniture, balling up fists to hitting and eventually hospital stays and last death of the spouse.
There is no situation where the hitting of a spouse is justified ever.
To advise an abused wife to just be nicer and accept it ,is dancing with that woman's death.
Ah, you have got me going - enough to answer!
You know it is so easy to pick out an article and expand on it; putting in our own prejudices.
The one thing - and you should know this because you were once a witness- when we go to someone else's home, we are in their boundary, so have no right to say: get out right now, because any woman who is being physically abused, DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER TO GET OUT. Time and time again, they are given chances, and time again, they back down. For some it is love, because despite the abuse, they still love their marriage partner. Also fear plays a large part. You ask any woman or man: would you rather leave him/her or try to change things for the better? They would definitely say: Oh I would give anything for this person to change.
My own sister was in an abusive relationship. He did not hit her, but made her feel less than a human. I asked her over and over again, if he was pulling her down and she would just deny it, so all I could do was say: if anything happens, we are here for you! I had no control; I had to leave the decision to my sister. The result, it got worse and he eventually asked her to leave.
It is so easy for those who are not being abused, to shout out: oh I would leave the pig etc. But you are not taking in to account, that you are not dealing with just one aspect of this relationship.
Our sister who was doing the study, did nothing wrong in saying what she did. The point is: to make the marriage work - not to pull it down. Also, you fail to see that it was the study that decided she could make changes and this is the point also: we can suggest, but whether it is going to be taken, is another thing.
There are many, many reasons why physical abuse happens. And many occasions when the abuse stops. Yes, I agree that 17 years is terribly long, but you were not there. How do you know, he was beating her up all that time?
You know, equally if this sister (survivor) had decided that she could not be in the relationship, then her study conductor would have helped out, either to give her a home or help out in another way, but not to interfere.
In any marriage, there is going to be strive and tribulation, does that mean: get out and find someone new? No it means: work on making the marriage work.
A kind tongue pulls back wrath, but a harsh tongue carries it on.
Just another thought: Why do you have our latest magazines if you want nothing to do with us?
Edit: I really do not think you read what I said; I believe you scanned it and picked out on what helps you concentrate on the negative! You are right that I don't know the whole story of this article, but nether do you. However, you prefer to think badly, rather than thinking he might not being abusing her for all those years. It said: after 17 years, he became a witness. Not after 17 year's he finally stopped abusing her. There is a big difference. But it obviously worked because he stopped and now is a brother!!
I am sorry that you know several sisters who have been through this and told they were possibly to blame. But in defence to our elders. They are not the police and at all times, they know Jehovah hates a divorcing, so they try to see two sides of the story, because whether one likes it or not, when two grown adults are concerned, there is two sides and our elders would be wrong to say: leave him immediately, without finding out the whole story.
The thing is, you only mention this article which is what I responded to, so you are throwing several balls at me, so to speak!
And please bring on the articles that you find to attack us!
Suzanne
I have the Feb. 15, 2011 Study Edition right here in front of me. Page 29 of the edition in question mentions nothing about abusive husbands. It only mentions Hating lawlessness, alcohol etc. Recheck the date on the Watchtower and then re-post it in its entirety, if you actually have it. We checked the Awake magazine for the moth of Feb. also nothing.
Wives don't have to stay in a abusive situation, but if her choice was to do so and she applied the bible principals mentioned in 1 Cor. 13:4-7 and then it actually worked out... I'd have to say verse 8 of the same chapter "love never fails" is correct.
I'm not a Jehovah's Witness yet, but I can see why Jesus spoke the following words in John 13:35Â By this all will know that YOU are my disciples, if YOU have love among yourselves.
The only ones I have seen here, or elsewhere over the last 2 years demonstrating this love, has been none other than the Jehovah's Witnesses. They are also the only ones actually doing the work Jesus said had to be done in the time of the end. Matthew 24:14
Take care.