We are getting married in 3 months and he just revealed to me that he is addicted to painkillers and extasy. I knew he smoked weed sometimes and I wasn't very happy about it because the long term effects are minimal I accepted it. When I found out about his addiction I told him I would leave him and not marry him if he didn't quit. We had long conversation about it and it's more serious than I thought. I know it's hard to just quit on your own and I love him very much and don't want to leave him cause I know it will just make things worse for him. He has a good job and works 5 days a week I have a minimum wage job that I work about 20 hours a week and I am a full time student. We need his income to pay our bills so he cant quit his job to go to rehab. I really just want him to get better and he wants to quit but doesn't want to at the same time because he likes being high and doesnt like withdrawals and detox but he knows it's wrong and that it will ruin his life so he really needs rehab but can't go. What can he/we do to break his addiction with out professional help? What can I do to help him?
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First of all, you need to stand by your statement that you will not marry him unless he is clean of this because both of your lives will be ruined if you do. He needs to want to quit this and until HE does there is no fixing this. Detox and withdrawal sucks and if he is pretty open about him not wanting to go through it then he's not going to unless he hits rock bottom. He can tell his work he needs a medical leave of absence which they should be ok with and he can be very private about why he needs it. Stick to your guns girl and don't marry him until he's totally clean. Go to al-anon or narc-anon or something like that for families of addicts to get more helpful advise.
First, you must understand that there is no WE in quitting. You can support the other person, but honestly he's the one that has to do this. There are meetings like AA that are called NA (narcotics anonymous) but those programs just won't work unless the addict has a sincere desire to quit.
I understand that you love this man, but I'm telling you right now that you're about to take a step that could seriously ruin your life. Marrying an addict is asking for a bad marriage.
It sounds like the two of you live together. Find a place of your own, take fewer classes and work more so you can pay your own bills. And when (if) your boyfriend stops smoking pot and gets off drugs the two of you can talk marriage again. This of course is just a suggestion, but believe me when I tell you that it comes from the heart.
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