Verified answer

Sorry dear, but I'm with your husband on this one.

Money issues is the top reason for couples having issues/breaking up.

I'm going to use myself as an example here. Due to a mix up in dates on when coverage started/ended, I wound up in the hospital a month and a half after my husband and I got married, being treated for pulmonary embolism, without insurance. The hospital bills are not pretty. But guess what? The hospital offers discounts if you pay within a certain time frame. We still have a decent portion of these bills left but we've paid off a good portion of them with the early pay discounts. We wouldn't have been able to do that if we hadn't had a bunch of money saved.

Not saying that exact situation would happen to you, but are you prepared if something similar does happen? Could you afford to suddenly get hit with $7000 worth of bills?

I'm also engaged and in college for an education degree. From your question I gather you want to get married before you begin student teaching, so I'm a little confused on how other posters say you'll be too busy with student teaching to plan a wedding when it sounds like you want to be married before then. I think you and your fiance need to have a heart to heart about this because this type of conflict isn't going to be conductive to your marriage. Personally before I got engaged, I knew that my boyfriend intended to marry me before I graduated from college and at first I didn't think that was a good idea because of financial reasons, but I've come to realize life is short and precious and I want to spend as much as possible of my life with him. When you talk to your fiance about this issue consider:

Where you'll live and how much rent will be (if you are not already living together).

How marriage will affect car insurance and health insurance (will you both be covered under your parents plan)

How you'll earn an income (will you both work or will just one of you work, if you're both in school it could be difficult to manage schoolwork and a job unless you're doing it already)

Financial aid (if you get married after you have already filed the FASFA for that aid year you can not go back and change your marital status)

Those are just some issues on the top of my head, but if you can not come up with a plan on how to make a marriage work while you are still in school, you most likely should not do it! It sounds like your fiance is being reasonable, but when you discuss when to set the wedding date, also ask him why he thinks putting it off is better:

How much more money he thinks he'll save up realistically (will he change his lifestyle choices to save this or will he still have the same lifestyle)

What he means by having a lot of money saved (does he want to pay for the wedding or does he want money for general expenses)

What kind of lifestyle he wants when you get married and realistically will you be able to afford that type of lifestyle

Will you have to pay off any school loans after graduation and how this could affect savings

"he won't get money out of his head and think about the real reason he's marrying me."

What is the "real" reason? Love? Not to be trite, but half of all marriages end in divorce. Even more scary, a couple of credible studies have been released just recently showing that, by far, the highest percentage of these divorces are among young people. So it's obviously about more than being in love.

Nobody's saying you have to be rich to get married, but there's a much bigger issue, and that has to do with each of you proving to the other you can live independently and balance a budget. A second issue has to do with HOW you spend, save, and reduce debt. All of this should be sorted through even before getting engaged, because it's a gamechanger once you're married and the other person's spending priorities affect your own outlook and credit.

So give yourselves the best chance to succeed, and listen to your fiance.

I agree with your husband

Finish school, let that be what you need to focus on.

Then get married after

Wedding planning and student teaching are both time assuming.

The more money save, the better you would be.

My husband moved home for a year and saved 1/2 his pay check. It was how his parents help with the wedding, not charging him anything.

I think he is looking what is best for you and saving money. He could be right

When do you finish school? You talking am assuming less then 2 years

This is just one opportunity of many more in the future for you two to learn to compromise on, sometimes compromise means not being able to meet in the middle, but going one way this time, and next time going the other way.

Definitely there is much more to this story than the 3 lines you posted so it would hardly be fair to you or your fiance to offer an answer which way you should lean.

That being said, I would say from the 3 lines you've shared, 'I'm ready to begin my life with him no matter what' is an emotional perspective- emotions not being wrong or a bad thing of course - while 'he wants to have money saved' is a practical perspective- this not being right or wrong or better either. But consider what all is involved in planning a wedding, from a practical financial perspective, and ask yourself is this a necessity to have the wedding a year before your semester? I play this devil's advocate because I've seen sooooo many comments/ posts here from people who want a do-over because they rushed to get married for whatever reasons, and ythen they get settled and realize of discover they would have liked an actual wedding, not necessarily blinged out to the max, but you know, enough money saved to do more than just a courthouse deal (AND not to be stressing or sacrificing hugely to put the wedding together- weddings cost money- no matter how you put it together, and you still have mortgage/rent/utilities/ food and other expenses.

So if you can unequivocally come up with a solid practical/logical or financial reason why you two MUST get married sooner than later, than by all means, present this in your discussion to come up with a mutually agreeable solution.

If you two go with the after graduation option, it doesn't mean he's right and you're wrong, or he wins and you lose, marriage is about compromises and mutually beneficial solutions, win win. If both of you look at this, along with every other similar situation that will come along where you don't agree, in that manner, that you're on the same team, instead of digging your heels in and stubbornly wanting to be right, or have your way, then you're off to a good start :)

good luck.

I'd have to give it some more thought but just off the top of my head, I can't for the life of me come up with a pragmatic reason to hold a wedding sooner than later- ie making a decision based on emotions, rather than based on financial viability.

Not taking sides with your fiance, just offering this point of view, since you are the one asking for advice. If he were posting his POV in here and asking for advice, I would equally as likely offer devil's advocate for his question, because it's always beneficial to look at assorted angles and weigh pros and cons equally when making a decision, on your own, or with someone you're about to spend the rest of your life with.

Congrats on getting married :)

As someone who has been through student teaching I can honestly say that, you will be calling yourself all kinds of stupid if you plan a wedding while student teaching. That is seriously the worst thing you can do. There you are literally working full time, doing mega lesson plans made to impress, going to classes, sitting up till two in the morning making those "cute" little manipulatives for the lesson plan that has to accomodate all learning styles, meet standard/benchmarks/ learning standards or whatever they are calling objectives these days, trying to hit the teacher store for your interactive bulletin board all the while trying to find the time to pick out cake, dresses, flowers, etc. Nah, that's just insane. Wait to get that out of the way or you will be sorry. BTW don't get married during the regular school year because you won't get time for a honeymoon unless you do it during winter or spring break and even then you will be bringing your paperwork with you.

Well, marriage is about compromise. So figure out how to compromise with him, and if you can't do that then you probably shouldn't be getting married.

Money is one of the most common reasons why people get divorced. So I highly suggest talking about money NOW before you even begin to worry about a wedding. See a counselor if necessary.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but your fiancé makes a lot of sense. Finish school and get a job. Those two tasks are stressful enough without throwing wedding planning on top of them. And, you know what? Money IS important. At the very least, money is important enough to cause a whole lot of arguments and its fair share of divorce. When you marry someone, you agree to share financial burdens and responsibilities. Maybe you have joint accounts, maybe you even file taxes separately. Sooner or later though, you have to discuss things like spending, saving, financial priorities, debts, and goals. If you are not on the same page about those things, you can kiss marital bliss goodbye.

IMO wanting it to be in 2010 is a silly reason for wanting it on that date. You both need to sit down and discuss the reasons for wanting certain dates. The good thing with HIS idea is you can save up a lot of money by waiting until 2010 (bad thing is, of course, the fact it'll be after 7 years!).

I think it makes sense to save as much money as possible before getting married.