I am 24 and my boyfriend is 26 years old. We have been together for 7 years lived together for almost 2 years and have a beautiful 14 month old daughter together. We have a great relationship and never fight we get along great! He is a wonderful father i could not ask for a better man to be my daughters father.
Early in our relationship talked about marriage and both agreed we were not ready anytime soon we were both young but i thought by now after 7 years we would be married. I know he has some complex feelings about marriage because so many in his family have failed. I never had to deal with divorce in my family so am not sure what feelings he may be going through.
About a year ago i started bring up the topic and wanted to discuss it seriously with him but it ended in a big fight because he said he had no desire to get married! Am ready for marriage and he says he has no desire to get married. I feel that after 7 years if he doesn’t want to get married now then he never will. I want are relationship to work more than anything, i don’t want my daughter to grow up between two households. Every time i try and talk about getting married we end up fighting about it. This is something that means a lot to me and weighs heavy on my shoulders i think about it every day and i get very upset and just don’t understand why?!? I ask myself all the time what did i do wrong? What could i have don’t different?
He will say let’s just go to the courthouse and get married all it is a piece a paper it won’t change anything. If he will go to the courthouse and get married i don’t know why he can’t just have a wedding for me. Am not sure if it came down to it if he would go through with it or not but it sends me mixed feelings.
I just don’t understand! Our lives are set up as a married couple as it is. We have a child (which is a bigger commitment than marriage in my opinion) we own a house together, bank accounts and every aspect of our lives.
I need some opinion on what to do? I just needs answers i want to know why he don’t want to get married / or have a wedding? All i want is a small wedding with just family and close friends nothing big. If we already feel married like it is the real thing then why can’t we make it official?
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
In most states, at the 7 year mark, your, already his COMMON LAW WIFE.
You just want a piece of paper and a party. Tell him that, if he loved you, he'd make it legal.
MOM
If all you really wanted was just a marriage then you would have no trouble going down to the courthouse do get it. It doesn't sound like he'll be changing his mind anytime soon. You're smothering him and it could break up your family.
From what you've mentioned, you both already have an amazing life together. If he isn't ready for marriage, then why try to force it on him? It could be detrimental to your relationship. You have to decide, is it so important for you to marry that you're willing to risk him leaving you completely, because of the unwanted pressure? If you want him in your family, then you will have to (for now, anyway) live as you have been until he is ready.
However, if marriage is something you don't feel you can live without, then I think you should leave this guy and find someone that shares your dreams and goal for a family. Hopefully you can find happiness in whatever choice you make. Good luck to you.
If you want to get married and the dude you are with currently doesn't, you can do one of two things:
Stay with him and never get married
OR
Move on and one day find a man that will marry you like you wish
You said you want to know why he doesn't get married...well asking us will not get you that answer. Only he knows why he doesn't want to get married, so the person you need to ask is him. He said he is willing to go to the courthouse and marry you, so the issue isn't really about getting married, the issue is you can't get married like you have visioned in your head.
What you did wrong was give him everything without him having to give you a real commitment. You have given him your body, you have given him a child, you have moved in with him and you already share assets and things like you are married. Marry you for what? I am just sayng.
He said lets go to the court house, I suggest you go and make it official and work on your dream wedding later.
I agree with Lanie. You need to let this go. You sound like you really love him, but you may be inadvertently sabotaging the relationship. He knows how you feel so stop nagging him about it and just try to enjoy all the great things you do have such as your lovely daughter! Do not get hung up on a number of years and if he hasn't by now, he never will. That is false logic. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. Just try to be happy with each other and enjoy whatever happiness life affords you. Good luck!
for my area, U delivered it up @ the completed incorrect time! Y would U ask him a ? like that once U recognize he's in a depressing mood from being unwell? Did U imagine that could want to distract him from feeling undesirable? NO! it would upload to it! He now might want to be unwell w/the phobia of loosing his dad! U fairly must have waited to ask him that ?. Hindsight is 20/20! as far as no matter if U 2 could flow ahead & get married..i say sure! U can not enable a baby to run & dictate what U do in ur existence! Wait till eventually he's in a much better mood & sit him down & clarify to him what is going on! make efficient he knows of that there is not some thing that is going to modify at the same time as it is composed of time w/his dad! make efficient he knows of that his dad will nevertheless b there for him in each way! And make it a plus that he will now have yet another man or woman there for him prevalent! supply him some responsibility in the marriage! Like Jr. Usher. And make it a huge deal. perhaps have him passing out classes @ the lower back of the church! Or have him escort people to their seats! make efficient you in simple terms make it an excellent in his eyes! there is not any reason that U 2 must have 2 wait because he's not comfortable w/it immediately! i recognize he has a condition, yet it really is not any reason to toddler him! U 2 love one yet another! U love him! there is not any reason that U 2 could placed off ur wedding ceremony till he's comfortable w/it! because, like it or not, he would under no circumstances b completely comfortable w/it! it really is ur job to get him as comfortable w/it as U possibly can! And, in time, he will see tht it really is a sturdy component!
If he doesn't want to get married then you might want to consult with an attorney to get the child support framework in place and the monthly maintenance checks coming in; plus work out a visitation plan so he can visit his child if he wishes. Then move on with your life.
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