Long, I know, but I can't admit this to anyone I know. People judge.
We have a two and half month old newborn. He is so difficult to care for. He has colic, acid reflux, horrible cradle cap that flakes and bleeds and is never satisfied or happy. He can cry all day and night long. He doesn’t sleep at night and we both spend over 90% of the night walking with him or literally trying to hold him down to be still. He doesn’t sleep well on his back or side because he keeps throwing his arms and throwing his head back and forth. He will sleep on his tummy, which I won’t allow at night, or in his swing. So one of us ends up in the living room laying on the couch while he sleeps in his swing. I have been up all night and won’t be sleeping anytime soon. He wants to constantly comfort nurse, my nipples are raw, and fights taking a bottle regardless if its fresh pumped milk or not. I am a slave to being attached to him. I got a root canal last week and my husband told me to take a break afterwards and not rush right home. So I went to a café to get some soup and relax and got a call from my husband saying I needed to come straight home because the baby has been screaming for three hours straight and won’t eat. Right now, I am low on groceries and I can’t take him to the store with me because all he does is screaming, fight his car seat or the wrap and my 22 month old feeds off of him and they both start to freak out. Husband is out of town due to military training and closest friends I have are almost an hour drive away. I tried to take my 22 month old to a birthday party on Saturday but I had to leave early because our newborn wouldn’t stop screaming. The moms there were so nice and understanding and helped out the best they could, but I feel guilty that my toddler doesn’t get what he used to from me because his brother is so difficult.
I feel like all I do is hold a crying infant. I take good care of him, I always make sure he is clean, well dressed, fed, I talk to him, read him books and show him love……………but I feel like I do it out of duty, not because I want to. Our first child I enjoyed taking care of as a baby, but this child, I do not. I told my husband this and he just gave me this horrible look that made me feel like the scum of the earth. I love him, but I don’t enjoy caring for him. I am sorry this is long, but I haven’t slept and am in tears from frustration.
I do not have post partum depression; I did ask two different doctors to screen me. I feel horrible for the frustration and feelings of not enjoying my newborn. Anyone go through this and have words of advice? I feel like crud and the guilt of feeling like the care of my newborn is a burden is hurting me.
Update:When you had to move again due to your husbands job and he can be gone from weeks to months at a time, the option to not take the kids shopping is not realistic. Someone needs to buy groceries and keep the house running. The reason I am not too keen on hiring help is because I don't want to risk leaving a very difficult infant with someone I do not know. I am relatively new to this area and I don't know who to hire to babysit. I don't want to risk it, I don't want to become that statistic of having that one babysitter injure my screaming child. I have no issue with my eldest being watched by someone, but not the difficult newborn that screams incessantly.
I can handle my child. I am just at the end of my rope at times when I haven't been able to sleep and he cries nonstop despite treatment and care from pediatricians. He is taken care of well, his mother is just stressed out and that's why I do not vocalize it verbally because people tell you that somet
Answers & Comments
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I feel for you...I was also in the same situation and piles of women secretely think the same especially with very difficult babies. It is very tough. Unfortunately it is taboo to say so and everybody around you would make you feel as a total monster or freak if you said that aloud.
you are supposed to enjoy every minute of it and blah blah blah.. I heard it all from people and family who at the same time never offered to help !!!
talk is cheap.
maybe you could look up some forums on motherhood and show your husband that you are not the only one ?
It is tough tough tough and I also hated it for my baby was exactly the same.
thing is the more tense and upset you get , the more the baby will feel it and respond in kind !!!
maybe you could try leaving your baby for an hour to trusted people and see how it goes ?
at the time I joined a group for new mothers , accompanied by their babies because there is a real need out there. It is hard and you are isolated and nobody understands etc etc..
YOU ARE NORMAL !!!!!
i do not know what to tell you apart from my own experience and i can reassure you that no way would I want to relive those early days..now baby has grown to 14 years old and is a total delight as a teenager !
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Some babies are just really high maintenance. My mom had me when she was 21 and my dad worked 7 days per week to support us, and apparently I was a crier and stayed up ALL night every night. She thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown. As I got older, I calmed down and mellowed out. When she had my brother and sister, they were nothing like me as babies, thankfully!
It must be so hard to feel like this. You must be feeling guilty... but don't. You have a challenging baby and anyone would feel the same way! My husband and I are trying for out first right now so I haven't personally experience this, but I do have a dog (I know... Not the same as a baby!). Anyways, when my dog was a puppy I was constantly with him. I played with him, walked him, trained him... And he was CRAZY for the first year. I sometimes felt like he was a burden, even though I loved him so much. I has thoughts of giving him away because he was such a challenge. But, now he's 2 and I think back to those puppy days and laugh because he's so amazing now. I know a puppy isn't a baby, but I think the experience is similar in that your son won't be this way forever. When he's older, you'll tell him stories about what a challenging baby he was, and you'll laugh... It's a difficult time, but it will make you appreciate things more in time.
If you need some time to yourself... Take it! Your baby has two parents. You both need to take some time to get out of the house and regenerate. Your baby will be okay without you for a few hours. Give yourself a break... Don't feel guilty. Try and keep calm because this will help your baby stay calm. Good luck!
First of all, do you not realize that your baby is picking up on the fact that you cannot stand to be near him? Do you not think he senses it every time you pick him up? I tell you, he DOES. He KNOWS. I imagine a portion of his reactions are due to the fact that the people who are supposed to love and take care of him all cannot tolerate their job of doing it and he's aware of that. He feels it. The fact that you do not enjoy caring for him is a red flag. Something is wrong. Parents go through these things with infants all the time and despite colic and difficulties, they still enjoy (for the most part of course) taking care of their babies. Do they have moments where they need to walk away and take a breather in another room? Of course. Do they ever wish the baby would just shut up? Of course. But they do not actually feel as you have described and frankly, it's worrying to me. You say you're stressed but you refuse to hire help because you're worried they can't handle it ... well, trust me, parents handle these sorts of things every single day and nannies/babysitters do too. Just because YOU can't, does not mean others cannot or do not. If your child pitches a fit while shopping, don't take him shopping. And stop comparing this baby to your other child. All kids are different. It doesn't particularly matter what your other child did at whatever age ... THIS child does things differently and you need to learn how to handle it. Talk to a different doctor. Something is not right.
1 pray.. turn to God. he is amazing,
#2 maybe you should consider a nanny, there are also night time nannys. you need a break.