Me & this boy started hanging out about a week ago bc we both admitted to liking each other after months. We’re in college so i didnt see him on a daily basis until now and im seeing his bad hygiene habits. We talked about it today & he brushes his teeth and showers whenever he remembers (which is every few days). I told him i like a healthy and cleanly partner. Him & his breath doesn’t smell like ****. However, he wears the same outfit every day which isn’t a problem to me but its even the same underwear. I’d feel better if he showered everyday or even every other day and just changed his boxers & tshirt daily. idgaf about outside clothing, not everyone is fashion forward. I bought him a new toothbrush & since we live in the same dormitory i told him we’re gonna brush our teeth together at night. I also thought about telling him every other day to shower so he does it. he literally does it when i say so but he cant think it on his own. how can i implement it into him now so he’ll do it on his own? he has shitty parents that never taught him about hygiene in the first place. i like him a lot and would love to date him eventually but this is troublesome for me bc it seems like basic info. however we grew up totally different.
Answers & Comments
You are in college now? My advice is to not call anyone your boyfriend unless you are already actively dating, This guy doesn't sound remotely prepared to function as a boyfriend. Sorry. Keep up YOUR standards regardless.... you might be a great influence on him but don't adopt him.
Well, if you have always wanted a son, you've got one now.
You don't. Having a rough childhood isn't an excuse to be a slob. He is an adult and was disciplined enough to make it in to college. He is capable of learning how to groom himself and maintain good habits. He doesn't follow through because he doesn't want to, and since you decided to play mommy and coddle him, he has no motivation to change. This is who he is and this is as good as it gets. Ask yourself who you want to be and raise your standards. It's sad that you are willing to settle for so little.
You have told him.
It is now up to HIM to listen, remember, and change his behavior.
If he does not change (or if he changes but it doesn't last), this is YOUR signal to break up.
Relationships only work when we accept the other person AS they ARE. And we cannot make others change. We can only tell them what we need, and hope they care enough to change and are ABLE to change and to make that change permanent.
Since change is very difficult to achieve, you can hope but don't expect that he will change.
If you keep on pressuring him to change, he will feel unloved and will make it into a contest over who is the "boss of him" .. he will resist your pressure and you WILL lose him.
You don't have to accept his slovenly behavior. Liking someone is NOT what makes a relationship work. What makes a relationship work is that (1) the person does not present behaviors that are unacceptable deal-breakers for us, and (2) that WE can work with OUR emotions well-enough that we are able to accept the person rather than needing them to change.
Since you cannot accept him, this relationship will not last. Just cut it out now before you become even more attached to him.
Liking someone, loving them, is ONLY 11% of what makes a relationship work, so when you cannot accept someone, like/love is never a good excuse to stay with them.