We've been together for over four years now she's pregnant. Lots of love between us, that's not the problem....
It's hard for me to desire her like she wants now. She's let herself go so much...
Physically AND mentally: gained over 40 pounds and doesn't take care of herself. Her hair is never done, legs rarely shaven, bad breath, always in lazy clothes... Almost like she has no pride left
AND she has no drive anymore. Never makes an effort, everything is half as*ed.
She's lazy and whining all the time. Bad table manners, eat with her mouth open now and burps even when she knows that I hate that.
She is NOT the woman I fell in love with. Yet she expects me to treat her like a princess...
This whole situation is getting to me
What should I do to make this right again?
Update:She is depressed. She's in counselling and we are about to start couple counselling.
I do my best to support and encourage her, but it seems futile... I give complents but doesn't believe me. I try to make her see the positive but it doesn't work...
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
I want you to google "infatuation".
No one is EVER the woman we fell in love with. The biochemical "high" in our brain changes who we are, during the period of infatuation. And when the infatuation dies back, the person goes back to being normal.
The human body is genetically programmed to desire any other live warm body. If you find your physical desire lessening, it is because your cognitive processes (what you tell yourself) are lessening it.
If she is not taking care of herself the way she used to, she is depressed and having self-esteem problems. And you are part of the problem too, because in a couple, the problem always comes as a pair.
What do you do? Get the two of you into marriage counseling to find out how to deal with this. And perhaps one or both of you also needs counseling.
I will tell you this much ... unhappy wives become depressed, gain weight, and stop taking care of themselves. I have no idea how you treat, or don't treat, your wife. But you are in this marriage, so you are part of the problem too.
And when an overweight, uncaring wife starts to change WITHOUT the husband changing, that means she has already left the marriage in her own mind .. and will soon leave physically as well.
So if you want to regain your wife, get into marriage counselling.
Because if you continue to act the way you are, without changing your own behaviors, and she does pull around, this is not a good sign for the length of your marriage.
Quite frankly, if you have the capacity to love another person, you are not in it for yourself. Nor are you in it for their figure or how she takes care of herself, or doesn't. You are in it for the person she is, and if you see that she is not caring, that she is depressed, then rather than get repulsed, you try to help. This is what love is. This is what "for better or worse" means.
Someday YOU might be the one who was depressed, hopeless, feeling helpless ... and you sure would want her to stay by your side and try to help you.
Her drastic change in behavior is a sign of physical or mental illness. Urge her to see her primary care physician for a full workup to rule out physical illness, then have her get a referral to a mental health professional.
This is not normal.
She's pregnant. You should treat her like a princess regardless of what she looks and smells like because as soon as that baby is born, she is going to be available. Motherhood liberates women and makes them feel empowered. She'll remember if you treated her poorly during pregnancy and move on.
The fifty shades series are not romantic.
Christian grey rapes and abuses Anastasia, he does not love her.
Perhaps your girlfriend wants you to beat her up and rape her anally?