I really need help with serious depression but I don´t want medication or psychiatric help.
I was raped ten months ago and I´m having really difficult problems dealing with it. I went to the police and it never made it to court because of a lack of evidence. I tried to kill myself, and was prescribed Temazepan and Citalopram. I made the decidion to stop taking the drugs but I don´t really think I can cope anymore. My career has gone downhill and although my friends are amazing, I have no family to talk to.
Some days I feel ok, but I´ve changed too much as a person. I´m resentful towards ´normal´people, and my attitude is horrendous. I´ve seen psychologists in the past but they don´t help. I feel like I´m at rock bottom.
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Well Tattoo Chick I respect you for realising that your attitude really is horrendous. Everyone has there own personal experiences that are equally terrible and you shouldn't resent other people for their so called 'normal lives'. The person you should be resenting is the person that raped you- because what they did was actually terrible!
Its a shame that it didn't go to court, and I really do feel sorry for you but not when you are treating YOURSELF like this! You have to respect yourself, respect your friends who are supporting you and respect the doctors who clearly think you need medication. Personally, if I didn't take anti-depressants, I don't think I'd have ever got over the robbery that happened to me when I was just 12. My dad was stabbed several times, an old lady killed, and my big brother wounded. Instead of completely ridding yourself of the medication, simply change it, the change in yourself won't happen overnight, but I promise you things will get better!
As for pyschologists, I saw may myself, and the only one that worked was the one that I developed a friendship with, the person who I respected and could visit for a chat.
I understand that you don't know yet that there is light at the end of every tunnel. I promise you there is!
Good Luck
I am a strong believer in "The Courage To Heal" and the accompanying workbook. It deals heavily with childhood sexual trauma, and incest and the likes, but it did help a lot. It helped me build a safety plan, helped me determine truly supportive people, and helped me build a safe place for me to work through my fears. It's like a therapist that you don't have to talk to. I went to a local battered women's shelter for group therapy, and that was ok. Not very specific to me, but not uncomfortable or anything. The local college here actually has a rape-crisis center. I didn't try it because I was doing pretty good with the book. Maybe if you have a local suicide hot line, or would call 1-800-SUICIDE ( they could connect you to your local center) they would have a list of resources available. If you wanna do this on your own in anonymity, then try to find websites like "aftersilence" that can let you chat with other people that have similar experiences. Oh, and KUDOS for going to the police. I am sorry that things didn't work out, but it will get better.
I am sorry for what you have gone thru. Even though you do not have enough evidence to have the guy prosecuted, you can still sue him in civil court for punitive damages. Thats a small price to pay for what was done to you, but, it will provide you with some relief. In the meantime, hang in there, take care....
Ring the Rape Crisis line for a supportive chat and information on where to get more help.
I have given you a link fot the number.
Although you have seen psychologists you need to speak to someone who specialises in rape trauma.
http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/internl.html
Keep trying Psychologists or counsellors.
nothing came of it,no court nothing?strange?dont let this go,someone has violated you and you must take it all the way.surely the medical examiner must have checked you for samples?go see an independent solicitor.