My BF and I have been ¨TTC¨, if you can even call it that.
Anyway, I just think he´s not that interested in TTC. He says he desperately wants kids but when the right time of the month comes around, he just isn´t that interested. He has a million excuses about how he´s tired or its too late, not in the mood, not the right ¨time of day¨, etc. I also have to wait for him to ask me; if I ask him his answer is ALWAYS no, and today he even got defensive when I asked him, saying it bothered him. I´m lucky if I can get him to do it once during my fertile time. And even then, he can´t ¨finish¨ without having to masturbate. And the rest of the month, when we have sex, he always wants to wear a condom and takes a shower immediately after.
What gives?? He says he wants kids but doesn´t seem interested in actually doing this. I have in no way coerced him into this decision... in fact, HE was the one who first approached ME about getting pregnant. Is it something like he´s just not ready for kids? If not, then why not just be honest tell me that, instead of leading me on? Or is he just not that into ME??
When I ask him, he insists that he´s interested in it, he wants to do it. He just never takes the steps to do it.
My heart is breaking. It kills me whenever I see another woman who is pregnant or who has a baby or small child with her. I´m crying every day because I love this man desperately (enough that I left my home country, my family, my friends, my cat, and moved to another continent to be with him) but I also want children more than anything and I´m beginning to think that it´s just not possible with him.
Has anyone else had this experience? Why is he acting like this? What should I do about it? Is this as huge of a problem as I think it is, or am I just over-reacting
And most of you in TTC are really helpful and respectful so I probably don´t even have to say it, but please be kind in your answers. No insults/name-calling/rude comments or any of that please. Understand that my heart is breaking because of this.
Update:Thanks guys. I apprechiate the advice and support.
We want to get married but its not possible until I take care of some things at home and get a permanent visa (I´m currently on a tourist visa, and tourists can´t get married in Colombia).
Also, I should have clarified. HE was the one who approached me about having kids now, not sometime in the future. After he first asked me if I was ready to do it, we talked about it at length and made the decision to go ahead and TTC.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Well I know that while we were TTC (all 16 months of it!!), our sex drives took a huge plunge and the pressure to perform at a certain time of the month was huge for my husband. He found it really hard and we both went off the idea of sex - which isn't really the point when you're TTC!! Once we chilled out a bit and had weekends away at the right time (which put us both in the mood for intercourse more), eventually we conceived.
I know what it's like to move to another country to be with your man - I did the same with my now-husband and it's very hard at times, particularly when you feel cut off from your support network. We even split up briefly, before getting engaged. The biggest thing you have to do is to get him to talk - I was getting nowhere with mine and finally got him to counselling. Although I didn't quite get the outcome I was after (we split up!) it was still a valuable experience as she got him to open up in a way that I couldn't.
So keep trying to get him to talk and tell him your concerns and also tell him how it makes you feel - he honestly may not realise. And if that totally fails, try the counselling. You need the security of knowing that you're both wanting this as much as the other and you desperately need his reassurance. Best of luck hon.
Perhaps he is scared, or not sure if he can be a good father. my husband had issues while we were TTC with our first. we had talked and talked about it, and when the EWCM came along-- he had performance issues. if i wasnt in a "fertile time" he could do it on the spot and not think twice. when i finally asked him what his deal was, he fessed up, and said he was scared because he knew "this could be it" Also, some people believe in only having sex to procreate, or maybe he doesnt want to have kids before marriage... i would try having a heart to heart. most men to not do that easily. i do wish you luck on your journey!!!
Hi!
I'm sorry about your problem! I can tell you that TTC doesn't only stress us girls. My husband finds it hard to enjoy sex when we only do it to concieve during my ovulation, there has been two times when he couldn't finish because he wasn't aroused at doing it because we had to. I thought this was strange, but I understand him now. So, I have been trying to make it spontaneous and fun, sometimes surprising him with a cute outfit... Or waking him up at night...
So, try to think about the pressure on him, and I recomend keeping it a surprise when ur fertile and make it fun!!!
Hope this helps and best wishes!!!
Maybe you should get married and then plan your family. Maybe you shouldn't try for a baby and just allow him to *** in you when you have sex whenever that may be. He may have said he wants kids but does he want them in 9 months? You should understand that he will be ready when he is ready and maybe you should except that even though it can be painful. If he doesnt want children then maybe you should leave the relationship if it is that important for you to have children now.
I agree with all the answers above! There are many reasons that men act & react this way - and most of the women said it beautifully!
Good Luck! â¥