My gf and I are planning to get married, she has been my girl friend since we were 14 and we have one child together..we are currently 20 years old. I know she still loves me very much, however I really don't feel the same how I use too. We still get along great However Im really really really having second thoughts about this. The only thing that pops in my mind is that I want my son to have both parents because I know how it feels to have just your mother around while your dad is doing time for murder. I really need advice ASAP because my head is going to explode. I feel one of the reasons because we just grew apart because we have nothing to talk about anymore. Just feel so bad if I tell her I wanna call off the wedding. Should I be miserable for my son to have both of us? I feel so guilty for holding these feelings inside. I love my gf as a person but not as my wife.
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If you wanted to stay with her for the best of your child, then is arguing, fighting, no love, & your son seeing all this really the best? Or the 2 of you being apart, & still being able to be friends? If you truly want what's best for him, then think about the LONG TERM best for him. Good luck.
I agree that a child's happiness is just as important; if not more so than that of the parent. However, a parent needs to be happy as well in order to properly and effectively raise a happy child who feels their parents did they best they could.
Getting married just for the sake of that child will leave them more bitter and unhappy than if you simply said, "I love you and want the best for you. I cannot give that to you if your mother and I are unhappy with each other." The child needs an example of good, responsible parents who do what's best for the child even if it means the parents going their own way.
I was raised in a single parent household and while it sucked at times, odds are I would have been much more miserable had my parents stayed together. I have an ex-boyfriend whose parents stayed together for their kids and ended up miserable. The effects on my ex (I don't know how his sister turned out)? He's bitter, miserable, anti-marriage, and just a cold, unfeeling person. I was fortunate to get out of that relationship while still in my early 20s.
Keep the child's interests in mind and as one of your top priorities but also keep your interests and your girlfriend's interests in mind. It may very well be she is feeling the same and is struggling to tell you. If you listen to bitter, angry people who tell you your life is wrecked and you're just going to ruin more lives it'll just make life more difficult for you.
I wish you all the best of luck in this situation. It's a difficult choice to make but I feel you and she will make the best decision for everyone involved.
You have spend half of your adolescence and your entire adult life with this girl and like most people who grow from a teenager into a young adult, you are growing up and discovering yourself.
You need to realize something very important here. In as much as you want to keep the family unit together, it will not be a good union because you are not in love with her anymore. That is going to show and that is going to wear on the relationship and that is going to make it near impossible to be true to the marriage and may even cause infidelity. Your marriage will ultimately fail. Why do that to yourself.
You would be a fool to use that child as glue to keep you together with your fiancee. That baby was not conceived or brought into this world with a job to keep mommy and daddy together. So, do not think for one moment that your child is that powerful to be successful at providing a happy marriage for you two.
You have two options (being married and miserable is not one of them): you can either break up and leave her but stay in the child's life as best you can OR go to couples counseling, first by yourself and then with her to try and iron out your differences if you want to work things out bad enough.
The best thing to do is just to be honest with her. Think about what you're going to say before you talk to her make sure it come out respectfully and gently this is the mother of your child and she will be upset with this and you will have contact with her probably for the rest of your life b/c of the child. My mother stayed with my dad b/c of me and my brother and she wasn't happy she said she did it for us but personally I want to see my mom happy. I know your kid is probably young now and wont quite understand yet but as long your there and you have civil relationship with her after your done he will adjust. If you miserable you cannot be the best father to your child and that is one of the most important things in a man's life. I hope the best for you.
If you get married, you'll end up divorced 1, 2, 5, 10 years later. Better to just break it off and stay in your kid's life. Dedicate 100% of your life to your kid.
You need to step up and be a father to your child. Once you become a parent, your wants and needs don't matter. You have a child that needs you to show how a man behaves. Do you want your son to grow up thinking that it's ok to walk away? Do you want your daughter to grow up knowing that she can't count on the most important man in her life to care? Once you have a child it's no longer about you. It's about the life you created. It's time to be a man and put yourself last among those that you have impacted.
EDIT: Wow!!! Amazing how many people are so anti child. Does every young adult on the planet think that their happiness trumps a child's well being??
Hmm talk to her about how u feel.
That's the only thing I can tell u....u can stay with her for the babys sake but how long can you do that?
You need to talk to her about your happiness.
"Hey pretty nice day out right? (wait for her to say yes) That should make this easier for you, We're not getting married."
"it's not you. it's me." is the theme you should use