How do you talk to your fiancé during deplpyment when he is having a bad day?
Okay,
Stupid question I know. I understand listen. But what kinds of questions are okay to ask?
I understand deployments are stressful, so I want to be there fully for him. Like most people I've heard in the military, he closes up his emotions so easily. I'm the only one he really says anything to. So I don't want to ruin that by asking or saying anything wrong. I'll love him no matter what.
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Answers & Comments
It's not a stupid question, it's common really. I have deployed so I know from his perspective and I think I can help you. There are things he cannot talk about like: missions, movement, locations, troops numbers, etc. And further still there are things you don't want to talk about.
I liked my wife to tell me about home, family, the news, and just generally what was going on in and around her. Being out of the country you miss a lot: movies, music, TV, video games, funny commercials, friends getting married, and just all the other day to day life you take for granted. It's nice to hear about those things because he can take his mind off of what's going on in his world.
He's also going to be paranoid that you're cheating because at some level I think everyone is because of all the stereotypes. Tell him about your day or week, depending on how much you talk. It's reassuring to know what you're up to. Let him know about your plans. I know not everyone has trust issues but when you're continents away most people do.
It will be nice for him just to chat. I had my wife keep in touch with my family. That way if I didn't have time to talk to anyone else I could at least know what was going on. Be a good listener. He may want to tell you about his day or how somebody mad him mad. It's always nice to be able to open up. Sometimes you just need a person to get talking to you and you can open up to them.
Just be there him, if he needs to open up he will. But there are still plenty of things I have never told my wife about deployment. It's hard to explain a year's worth of stuff.
Most of the time during a deployment men close up to try and get us emotional woman to stop us from being so attached to them if they die. My man always pulled away and spent less time with me before a deployment. Just don't ask about the mission. If he wants to tell you about it than he will without asking.
Just don't ask about day-to-day operational details. He can't give them and it'll just make the conversation awkward. If you're discussing his situation, stick to things you can relate to. But really, he'll just be happy to talk to you.