Hello! So I have serious issues with my future mother in law. My fiancé's father left his mom when she was in the hospital in labor with him. Later, his two sisters and him were taken away by foster care because his mother would leave them alone overnight to go a few doors down to her boyfriend's house, and also because she had diabetes that was so poorly managed that she would have seizures around her children. Needless to say my fiancé grew up very rapidly with no room for a childhood. By the time he was 7 he was cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and taking care of his sick mother. My fiancé is now almost 20 (end of this month) and his mom is married and still has no relationship with her son whom she should be very proud of or the rest of the family. The only time she has my fiancé over to the house is when she has something for him to do and she lives right around the corner. Recently, she ended up in the hospital and my fiancé found out from a friend 2 weeks later, his mom didn't bother telling anyone. My fiancé makes alot of excuses and justifications for her saying that the reason she's that way is because her husband is controlling or that losing her kids messed her up. Anyways, I haven't met her yet and I don't know what to do. Apparently she's Christian and told my fiancé she's praying for us because we are not, yet she can abandon her own flesh and blood. I feel like saying quite a few things to her. My question is though, how do I help my fiancé? Just thinking of the fact that he has no parents makes me unbearably sad. What will we tell our kids? Should I invite her to the wedding? Help! Ten points to best answer.
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Grace, I AM a Christian, I'm sorry to say that she sure doesn't show a Christian bone in her body!!! A Christian does NOT abandon their children. Does NOT "make" a 7 yr. old tend to the rest of HER family. This woman has one very sick mind at that & sure is giving Christianity a bad name .I cannot blame you one bit for not wanting to meet her let alone even want her anywhere near your wedding. When your children get old enuf, they will fully understand the truth as I doubt very much she will allow herself to even become a part of your family. Therefore, they no doubt would even get to know her. I think if it were me, I would write her a letter let her know SHE IS in YOUR prayers for the Lord to forgive such a mother who totally abandoned her own young family. May He forgive her for her wrong doings as it's hard for her own family to do so. My Dad was a Preacher, I NEVER heard of a Christian living such a life as she is. God help her as He's the ONLY ONE who can. Do as you feel best & I feel you'll be doing the rite thing...the best to you, honey...:)
Your fiance has been through allot. You only know his mom from stories you have heard. You have no right to say anything to her before you get married. and really what gives you the right to be so judgmental towards her? You haven't even met her. Your fiance relationship with his mother, he's learned to make excuses,exceptions and or whatever? It's his mother. Don't talk down to him about her. When you become his wife. Then I would say you do whatever you want when you see someone hurting your husband.Until then, Just stand by your man and show him as much love as you can. As far as inviting his mother? that's is up to your fiance only. Your husband may not like his mother for things that she done or put him through, but he will always love her. It's his mom.
Your fiance is going to make a good husband, he knows how to cook, clean, do laundry, and will take care of you when your sick.
You help your husband by listening to him when he need someone to talk to, and tell him everyday how lucky you are to become his wife.
Happy marriage
Wow I feel so bad for him and you. Well what I would do is I would get them to just be together without each other making the other one do anything and talk it out. Also I would ask to meet her. She might like you never know. I would totally invite her to your wedding. It would help her spend some time with your fiancé and help her spend some time with you. You could always say to your children that their grandma loved her son very much but kept getting sick a lot, or make something up like that. Then when they are older, or when you feel like they are ready, you could start telling them the truth. Those are some things that you could do. It may not be the best but at least you have something to start with. Hope this helps.
What his mother did in the past is not your concern, people make bad decisions in their lives and they have to live with them. There is more to the story and am sure if you sit and talk to her a while you will gain that knowledge, please don't judge others when you, yourself will make mistakes in this life and you wouldn't want others judging you. Especially when you're willing to make changes in your life for the better.
Mother and son need a relationship and if he's ok with it, the way things are for them both, you as his future wife need to stand by him. You have no right telling her where to get off or "saying quite a few things to her" you don't know her story.
Sounds to me that you are an affectionate woman and care very deeply for him and rightfully so. Unless she causes harm to your family or soon to be, whenever that may be, there is no reason NOT to keep her in your lives. She should be invited to the wedding, make every effort on your part to have her in your life. She is after all, his mother. When she is gone and diabetes may just take her life, it will be too late to say "I'm sorry".
As for the kids, never lie to your kids, no matter their age. My situation growing up was not a pretty one, concerning my own biological father, but my mother never lied to us. We got the truth, even if it was her own we still got the truth and we were given the choice to make up our own decisions and our own mind about the situation. All they need to know is that Grandma and Dad may not have the best relationship but tell me what family has it perfect.
Be his friend first and foremost and if he chooses this kind of life with his mother, so be it. I'm not looking for 10 points I'm simply giving you an honest answer from experience.
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Your family doesn't have to be the one you were born into. This will take time for both mom and son to realize their own relationship. Give it time. In the meantime develop your "own" family of close friends and other family. Many people do not live near family and make their "own" out of friends. Form your own traditions for special events and holidays. You need to keep your expectations of her low so your disappointment won't be to much. Give him as much support as you can and try not to get on him about her, its hard enough for him! Good luck.
The only thing you can do for him is love him and support him. Only he can decide when he's had enough of being rejected by his mother. Congratulations to him and best wishes to you!!!
yes! invite her to wedding, sounds like he wants his mom to be there, as far as meeting her..treat her like a human being...if it isnt returned..have as little as possible to do with her..by that i mean dont necessarily go out of your way...and please stop posting the same question over and over again...