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I've said it before and I'll say it again. My family are a BUNCH of lunatics!!!!! From Cousin Vinny and on down the line, not a one of us escaped the madness!

Yesterday my two sisters and I were discussing our favorite topic: MEN!!!!

Vicky was lamenting the fact that Larry, her boyfriend of two years had not yet proposed .

"Well, you're both still so young, don't rush it" I said

My older sister Rhoda agreed, "Yea, you've got plenty of time, take it easy!!"

Just then our mom who had been folding clothes in the corner and listening piped up with "You know the old saying, 'Why buy the cow, when the milk's free', a word to the wise is sufficient"

Vicky glared at her. "I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case you're wondering, you're not on it!"

"Well since this is MY house, I'll decide on what "conversational guest lists" I'm on!!". She walked away muttering "guest lists,hmmph!" then turned back adding,

"And another thing, and I say this with all due respect... it wouldn't do you three beauties any harm to start taking more of my advice. With that she gathered the neatly folded pile and took off for upstairs.

Just then the doorbell rang. it was our Cousin Vinny who had just a month ago been released from the penitentiary. He was with his new girlfriend Myrna Mynkoff, who had been his "penpal" in prison. She also had "involvement" with the law on more than one occasion and was currently on probation.

Cousin Vinny had bought over a few bottles of wine and soon we were all feeling quite merry, especially Myrna!

She started "baby-talking" love words to Vinny

"Koochie-koochie koo my my little doo-doo head" she said to him as her fingers traversed his chest. Well, in polite society that would be considered a no-no and who was SHE to subject us to this little show! We all tried to look elsewhere, actually rather embarrassed for her!!

Vinny made believe he didn't like it "Your imbecilic ways are rather endearing my little minx, but let's save it for later.

Myrna took offense! "O.K, you jailbird, you think I can't find another guy, huh, well I can, and I WILL right now!!!" She got up too quickly and fell back down on the couch with a plop. With that she started crying loudly .

Meanwhile my mom had come into the living room and surveyed the little drama. Rhoda had mumbled "I think they both need a shrink" , to which mom replied "I think it's too late for a shrink to help, they seem too far gone for that!"

She offered to make us all coffee, which we all gladly accepted. Just then the doorbell rang again.

It was Larry, Vicky's boyfriend. They dissappeared into her room and soon we heard a shreik "YES,YES,YES!!!!!!

Larry had proposed!! Vicky came running out sporting the big rock on her ring finger. Cousin Vinny had run out of the bathroom with his pants half down when he heard the yell.

"What the hell is going on here" he said

My mom was aghast!!

"This entire evening reminds me of a Greek tragedy" she said still looking at Cousin Vinny. "You....., go fix your pants" she said to him. "And the rest of you, lets all go enjoy our coffee and talk about the wedding date"!!!

You know I'm so tiny now *I think it's too late for a shrink to help!* [lol...get it shrink]

You know I would murder you 6 ways to Sunday but it's just that *Your imbecilic ways are rather endearing.*

I had everything planned to the tee...the party favors, the music, the entire wedding...oh and *I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case you're wondering, you're not on it!*

You were cast out into the street on your head, (Chronos cast the Titans into a cage), You thought you could beat Hercules, (just like the Hydra), plagues of flies invaded my kitchen, (plagues invaded Sparta)...you know *This entire evening reminds me of a Greek tragedy.*

You suck, stink, scare, and startle me * And I say this with all due respect.*

* Well, in polite society that would be considered* amusing to say the least...but totally gross maybe even disgusting in my dictionary!

I'm in ! That would be fun but do you want 6 paragraphs for each sentence or do you want them all included in one paragraph ?

Alara folded her arms as she faced the blazing fire in the fireplace. As she quietly said to herself,"(4)This entire evening remings me of a Greek tragedy", she noticed the magical dance of the flames in the fireplace which had a somewhat soothing effect on her nerves. She kept watching them asif in a trance.

Dominic cast a sideways glance at Alara, envying her ability to get out of an undesirable conversation gracefully at any given time, and slowly turned his attention to the two people sitting across from him in the living room. He looked at Petra dead in the eyes and said,"I really think that you should get some counselling. You have been pretending like nothing has happenned since we lost our uncle who we all know was a father figure to you. Now all that suppressed pain is pushing at the stitches that keep you together, and I'm afraid, my dear cousin, that someday, when you are least expecting it, you will come undone, (5)and I say this with all due respect.

Gerard rolled his eyes and said in his usual, bored, snobby tone,"(1) I think it's too late for a shrink to help!" With an exaggerated gesture that resembled a bow- without the respect part of it- he continued,"My darling wife here, holds everything inside in her undying conviction that propriety comes before all. So she festers and festers and someday down the road, we better be ready to run for cover because all hell will break lose".

Petra gave Gerard a look of affection that bordered on pity and condescention, while calmly replying,"(2)Your imbecilic ways are rather endearing, my darling. However I propose we focus on the problem at hand at this very moment and figure out a way to break the news about my beloved late uncle's newly discovered hand-written will, to the rest of the family. Alara, what do you think would be the best strategy in executing this matter with minimal damage? Our family already has had enough secrets to deal with in the past".

Before Alara could open her mouth to answer, Gerard interrupted with his trade mark arrogance and self-entitlement, "Let her stay out of this for now", turning to Alara who hadn't shifted her gaze from the dancing flames in the fireplace, he announced,"(3)I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case you're wondering, you're not on it!"

Nobody in the room was surprised with Gerard's outburst, they had all been around him long enough to enable each one to develope their own protection mechanism to tune him out when he went off like that.

Yet, Petra, being the wife and bearing the cross, took in a deep breath and after slowly exhaling, muttered,"And Dominic here was telling me that I was the one who should seek therapy...", then turning to her husband she said as calmly as she could muster under the circumstances,"(6)Well, in polite society that would be considered plain rude. However knowing that underneath all the Gallianos, Valentinos, Dolce e Gabbanas you parade yourself in, you are still as unpolished and unsophisticated as a Neanderthall,

it comes across painfully natural and sadly expected in your case, for the people in this livingroom.

Now, why don't you try being quiet for a change while Alara gives her opinion on the matter? She has a higher IQ than all of us and it would be wise at this moment for each of us to put our petty ego issues aside and take advantage of her intelligence and her ability to stay objective when analyzing a situation". Turning her face to look up at Alara's back she said a little too brightly, "So, Alara dear, tell me what do you make of our beloved late uncle's recently discovered hand-written will?"

There was a collective gasp in the livingroom, as Alara turned around with her tear-stricken face. Nobody had seen her cry since she made her way out of the womb.

TO BE CONTINUED