Is it normal for my boyfriend who already asked me to marry him 10 months ago [saying we would get engaged officially] to be only spending time with me only a couple times per week?
We are both in our mid 20s and working fulltime…no school or anything. He does have a 2nd job teaching 3 nights per week. Still, he hangs out with his buddies even after he teaches.
What I’m saying, is neither of us are in school or have other commitments other than our work…yet he seems to be more quick to hangout or make plans with friends than with me. It hurts because he didn’t used to be that way. One night I even asked if we could have a date night set just for us, [because he told me Weds were his ‘wings and ufc’ nights w/ this one guy he knows] and he got mad! He said I seemed needy and jealous! I don’t know what to do. I am positive he isn’t cheating on me, but I do know he is spending a lot more time drinking beer and smoking weed with his friends.
What should I do?!
I want to add that his dad does have cancer, but we found out about that 4 months ago. He is in treatment and no bad news so far. I don't see why that would affect the way he treats me. ~
Answers & Comments
His dad might affect.. because maybe him spending time with his friends is a cover up, for time he should / could / did spend time with his dad. He's going through a hard time, I mean wouldn't you want to be surrounded by your friends, and the people you love If you just found out, that someone you love got cancer. I would.. but anyways, I think you should give him time. I mean, all guys distance themselves from their girlfriends at least once in their whole relationship. So, it's not like your the only one. Just give him time alone, you know? maybe stop texting him or calling him or whatever you guys do for a while. and wait for him, to do that to you. But also, you don't want to be mean, his dad has cancer.. that's allot for one person to handle, so him drinking beer and smoking weed may be a cover up, and a way of thinking that his life can't over think this. Just because his dad has cancer.. maybe he wants to think of live in another way.. and you getting in a way of that, can make a lot of trouble in your relationship.. So..
Give him time..
I'm sorry, this is not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth.
I hope I helped, Anna.
He could be testing you to see if you are going to be a wife that allows him to have a life outside his marriage, or a wife that is going to be, like he said, "needy"
Or he could just be stressed about his father. Men don't talk about feelings, so when he is out with them he can just forget his troubles for a while.
Best thing you can do is give him space, be his friend. Act like one of "the guys" would. No saying: how are you feeling? are you ok? stuff. You can be there for someone without saying a word. That's usually what guys like.
He sounds busy and stressed out and probably just wants to relax more. Don't underestimate the stress that people go under when a parent is sick. Best of luck to you both.
Wait a minute. He smokes weed? And....you're going to marry HIM? Girl, please. I can't even begin to tell you how wrong that is on all levels. Please please please understand what that means. Potheads are indecisive and stupid. And you wonder why he can't get a grip on reality. So what if he has two jobs. What kind of man is he on the inside? What is his character like? Obviously he's not doing too well on your list of "what I need in a man". Hope everything works out well for his father.
you need to talk to him, after all this is the man you plan on spending your whole life with...aint it?
Talk to him, tell him how you feel