So my fiancé has autism and has told me one day when he’s older and more established (I'm 25 and he’s 26) he would like to have kids. But i feel worried it would be too overwhelming for him, and as a result overwhelming for me as well. He has very high functioning autism, you might not notice it if you hung out with him all night. But if you’re close to him you realize he has some trouble expressing himself, doesn't always realize when he’s being cold and emotionally unavailable, and often gets anxious by being overwhelmed by things that just tend to mildly annoy other people. So I was just wondering if anyone has positive or negative stories of parenting with autism, or having an autistic parent. Parenting is already a huge decision and hard enough when neither partner suffers from a condition, so it’s pretty concerning to me.
Answers & Comments
I am the neurotypical (non-autistic person) and my wife is the aspie (person with autism). The real issue is that the NT person has to give ALL of the social and empathy parts to the child because the AS person will have no idea how to teach that. This is pretty normal in cases when the man is the AS and not the woman because men tend to be pretty distant/stoic in the first place but it gets confusing when the woman is the AS person like in my family. Since it sounds like you are the NT and you are woman then it will just be a normal 1920's marriage then; if you are a feminist type and you want equality then you are in love with the wrong person because his inability to understand/express his feelings is going to be very reminiscent of sexist male.
As far as ability to love, AS do love their kids but they can't show it except in a military kind of way through things, actions, and gifts. The love/affection just won't be there, at least not naturally; but like all other things, it can be taught if they are willing to listen/learn.
My brother is high functioning autistic and has a little girl who is about to turn 1. She's already a real daddy's girl, and he is amazing with her.
He worried about this, about the unexpected stuff and about whether her crying might be more stimulation than he could handle. But it turns out he just switches right into parenting mode.