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Dear Fred,

I'm writin' you this here letter to let you know that you will always be my hero no matter what you decide once't you hear my offer! My offer? Well I'll get to that a little bit later on.

First let me tell you how I'm feelin'.

Watchin' you all these years, being around you, has taught me so much, especially how to be kind and how to love.

Hell, I've loved you since I was 7 years old!! First from afar and then later........more up close.

Of course you never knew,..... it would just not have been right for you to know. For one, my pappy would have blowed your head off!

How I wished you would have taken notice of me then , but I guess it wasn't time. It's time now!! I'm 18 years old today!! A full fledged woman!! Some gals my age is already married with kids. Not me. Plenty boys been askin' and tryin' but my heart belongs to you, like I said, since I was 7!!!!

You must wanna know why I love you. Well, the list is long but the first thing that stole my heart was your abidin' love for animals! I remember the day you sat me on your knee and told me that animals is just like people, only smaller and not as vocal.

"Moo. Quack. Tweet. Meow...... sweet music to my ears" you said.You showed me how to set Patch's broken leg, you were so tender, I wished I was that dog at the time!!!!

I remember dreamin' of the day I would be a woman and show you.......that I could be all the woman you would ever need.......the time has come.

I know your 40 something and I'm 18. In a word, I know some people would say I'm ...INSANE!! I'm not!! You bring such joy to my life....and such...longing!!!

I have a powerful love for you. The kind of love I have will get us through ANY storm, and then some. Believe it.

I have great respect and love for my Aunt Sunshine and I've been wonderin' "Now what would Aunt Sunshine do at a moment like this?" Since she's gone back to Virginia to be with her beloved Matthew, I've missed her ,but I know that she would tell me to follow my heart and that is just what I'm doin'!!!

So, brace yourself, loverboy!! A solid offer is comin' your way!!!

I want to know....

Will you marry me and me my love for ever and ever till the end of our earthly days?

I'll be down by the stream tonight at eight.....waitin'.........

Love, Mariah

I was just 15, and so was my date, Carol Sue. Neither Carol nor I were old enough to drive, which meant that one of our parents had to drive us if we were going to the movies or a dance.

Carol's mom seemed to take an unnatural interest in what little we had that you could call a relationship. I mean, Carol was nice and all, and she was about as pretty as you could expect a sophomore in high school to be, but her mother acted like we were practically engaged. Or rather, like SOMEONE was engaged.

Carol's mom kept negotiating for us to drive to Salina, KS, to eat dinner at Tony's Little Italy, and go to the movies. And she'd do the wierdest things! On that trip to Salina, she pretended that she needed something from a drugstore, and had her husband stop at one.

After he was safely through the doors, she said, "Brace yourself, loverboy!" and placed a mint between her lips. "Come and get it," she challenged, "and don't use your hands." What was I to do? I was 15, couldn't drive myself, and 60 miles from home. If only I had known Miss Sunshine MacGillicutty of Dodge City, I would have asked myself, "Now what would Sunshine do at a moment like this?" But alas, I didn't, and so my moral compass was slightly askew. Carol Sue's mother was, in a word . . . INSANE!

On other occasions, Carol Sue's mother would have us join her on her bed to watch something on television, or shut us alone in the basement, or drive aimlessly around town. In short, I had pretty much become a hostage. "You bring such joy to my life . . . Oh, uh, and such joy to Carol Sue, too." she exclaimed.

The last straw came one night when Carol's mom refused to take me home, until well past two in the morning. She kept insisting it would be okay with my parents, since they were social friends. I FINALLY convinced her to take me home.

In the morning, I was never so grateful to hear the familiar morning sounds . . . Moo. Quack. Tweet. Meow . . . .sweet music to my ears. "What time did you get home last night, Dave?" my dad asked.

"Uh, late dad." I responded.

"How late?"

"After two sometime, I think."

Dad recognized the situation. "Would you like me to give you a curfew?" he asked.

"Oh god, WOULD you?" I begged. "You will ALWAYS be my hero if you do."

Dad set a curfew of midnight. Carol's mom was distraught. The relationship didn't last more than a few weeks after that. It was just too much for me.

The atmosphere, which had been peaceful up until now, was suddenly shattered by the mad cry of "Brace yourself, loverboy!" and followed by a resounding thud that resembled metal hitting wood. As these words were echoing over the lake, my very heart was pounding, and I sought to control my breath so as not to be heard. It was then that I heard a new voice, that of a male. The deep undercurrents in his voice told me he once belonged to a French choir, and was not one to choose nachos over doritos. I inhaled deeply, confident of my infallible methods of reasoning.

What the man said in that moment I never fully comprehended, as I was too busy seeking the deeper meaning. It did, however, give me a better sense of his direction, and in that way did I go. I crept behind a bush and stuck my face around the side, suddenly I realized there stood a young couple before my eyes, resolving a conflict. The amount of sequins, ribbons, streamers, feathers, and other ornaments adorning the woman in front of me was in a word.......INSANE. She gazed deeply into her man's eyes and spouted off a Gaelic proverb, which I have translated to mean the following "You bring such joy to my life....and such happiness to the life of my goat." I glanced at my wrist and read the acronym on my bracelet: NWWSDIAMLT. I pondered the meaning aloud. "Now what would sunshine do at a moment like this?" I realized I must take the high road, and doing so I stood up and went out into the open. Although they were astonished, they did not seem particularly adverse to my presence. I said to them "You today have brought such a depth of understanding to my knowledge of relationships, I am truly grateful. The love you two have shown each other touched my heart, and surely it will provide profound insights as to how I should treat my own fiance. What say you come with me to my barn, and I serve you a plate of warm goat cheese?" The woman was delighted, but the man's eyes had glazed over when I mentioned the word "barn." He looked up at me and said "Moo. Quack. Tweet.Meow....sweet music to my ears." I hastily nodded in agreement.The pair then followed me through the swamp, until we came to my humble barn. I beckoned them to come inside, and admonished them not to remove their boots. When the ordeal was over, I was well rewarded. The beautiful young lady gazed dreamily into my eyes and told me "you will always be my hero."