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The only explanation given by the school for the field trip destination was that the children had been misbehaving. As far as explanations go, it left a lot to be desired, but the parents weren't likely to question anything. The alternative was to keep them home from the field trip which meant keeping them home from school, and what parent wanted to ground themselves for the day with their preteen kids?

The original plan was to take this field trip to Ballyhoo's Amusement Park to "learn" about the effect of cotton candy on one's health. Or some such nonsense. However, due to a series of unfortunate incidents involving a dead cat, the school's toilets, Mrs Niedenfuhror's sanity, and some misplaced saliva, the destination had changed completely.

The bus began pulling up the long drive, and, inside, a voice came over the loudspeaker:

"Please remain seated until we come to a stop. Any silly stuff will result severely unpleasant consequences."

"Yeah right," Tommy Engvall mumbled. "Gobble me."

A titter of nervous laughter greeted him, but there were several uneasy faces. The children, usually boisterous and full of vinegar, were completely puzzled and more than a little nervous addressing this new field trip destination.

The bus wheezed to a stop and the door squeeked open. Mr. Bumgartner stood up and faced them all with a grim expression.

"Now, boys and girls. We are going to learn a lot this afternoon. We're gonna learn to follow directions. We're gonna learn what hard work is. We're going to learn the consequences of thumbing your nose at education. And we're going to learn a little respect. Any rebellion will be rewarded with severe retribution."

"This is bulls**t!" Tommy defiantly said. "I thought you were kidding when you said we were coming here! You can't make us do a thing-"

"Uh huh. Uh huh. Now YOU listen to ME, young man! I can and will make you do a thing. I'll make you do a lot of things. We are at the Penfield County Sewage Treatment plant ladies and gentlemen. Since you enjoy toilets so much, and since you love acting like little turds, we're gonna help them out on an eight hour shift here. If you obey, you'll do the easier jobs. Make it hard on me, and you'll shovel the crap. Literally. Make it even harder, and we've got something even more unpleasant for you. Just try me."

Tommy bared his teeth, but chose to remain silent.

"Now file out in an orderly fashion and line up on the sidewalk outside of the bus."

They did as they were told, expressions a rictus of uncertainty. Only Tommy remained openly disdainful of the whole experience, and Mr. Bumgartner noted that he would have to keep his eye on the boy. Either he or Tommy Engvall was going to leave this place a broken human being. Bumgartner, a veteran of Iraq and Somalia, steeled himself.

It was only a matter of minutes before a foreman for the sewage plant appeared. Behind him were three more employees, all carrying a stack of blue denim overalls and yellow hard hats. Each student was given one of each and told to pull them on over their clothes. Then they were filed into the building.

Bumgartner could tell that the foreman was still a bit leary about the whole arrangement. Obviously, there were liability issues involved in a foray of this nature, but the school had signed some dozen waiver forms absolving the treatment plant of any liability. At Wendell high, the true pragmatist's school, radical measures were the norm, and they would take full responsibility.

Bumgartner's attention was drawn to three students who had wandered out of line and were staring through an open partition in the hallway.

"My god, look at that freakin raisin back there," Mike Bower said and giggled.

"What a fossil. I could have SWORN that dinosaur moved," replied Joey Baker. The three began pealing laugther and leaning on each other. Bumgartner got to them and looked in at the object of their ridicule. An incredibly old woman was rummaging through a file cabinet, her back to a stack of papers seemingly a mile high.

"Very nice," Earl Bumgartner said. "I think I found three more volunteers for the poopy pool."

"Ohhhh," they all three said in unision. Only Joey thought to ask what the poopy pool was.

"You'll see. Now get back in line."

They marched deeper into the plant in a single file line, Tommy Engvall bringing up the rear, his gaze still smouldering and darting around.

"Ok," the foreman said, bringing them to a stop just outside a set of metal doors. "Five of you will go in here and learn how to control the influx and output of pretreated waste."

"Don't you mean sh**?" Tommy asked, a devlish grin spreading across his face.

"No, I mean waste. Also, beyond this point the odor is going to be very noticeable. The building is designed to minimize the smell up to a certain point, but once we enter the control area, the mezzanine beyond, and then the inflow chamber, the odor can be overpowering at times."

"No way, man," Tommy said. He was shaking his head and removing his helmet. "I am NOT going in there. This joke has gone far enough. It's over."

"Put your helmet back on Tommy," Bumgartner said. There was something in his voice that not only made Tommy pause, but actually put the helmet back on. Temper or no, Tommy had to recognize that Mr. Bumgartner was a very large man.

The foreman opened the metal door and the smell pushed hit them immediately. Susannah Rush gagged and had to hold on to the wall for support while the remainder of the students pinched their noses and tried to keep from turning green.

"Holy s**t," Tommy said. "I can feel my brain cells dying....one by one. My parents are going to hear about all this, I promise you that."

"That's fine Tommy," Earl Bumgartner said through a grin. The showdown was approaching, and he could feel himself relishing the prospect of doing battle.

He selected the five students for the control room, and the diminished entourage moved on.

The mezzanine was a huge area filled with large tanks and pressure valves. In the center sat one of the largest structures that Earl Bumgartner had ever seenl. It was squarish in shape and made of what appeared to be hammered copper. Over forty pipes ran into it and a deep thrumming could be heard from deep within it.

"This is the mezzanine area and this particular device is the water filter." The foreman had to yell to be heard over the tumult of machinery. "Six of you will remain here to learn how to monitor the filtration unit and regulate the mezzanine tanks!"

Bumgartner motioned six of them out of the line, leaving only the three from old lady incident earler. And Tommy Engvall. Then he nodded at the foreman to continue.

They took several minutes to parade through the seemingly endless mezzanine before coming to a large concrete wall with a sliding steel door set into it. The mezzanine was much quieter here, so the foreman did not have a need to shout.

"Beyond this last door is a large chamber with a gigantic pool in the middle. This is called the inflow chamber. It's where all the pretreated sewage of Penfield County first comes before it is filtered. It is foul smelling. It is extremely dirty. And it is also dangerous. Like any pool, you can drown in it, you can slip in the muck that can coat the floor around the pool and break something. And if you're not paying attention, you can lose jewelry and other loose items in the pool forever. So please stick together and listen to what you're told. You will be taught to clean the floor around the pool to minimize a falling hazard and you will be taught to use the regulation valve for the inflow pool itself. Okay? Let's go."

The foreman slid open the door and the four students walked in with Earl Bumgartner in tow.

The gaping maw of the largest fecal pool any of them had ever seen was the sight that greeted them.

"Wow," Joey Baker breathed. He was turning very green around the gills and virtually shaking in fear or awe or both.

And that's when Bumgartner felt it. The hand darted in and out of his pocket so quick he almost didn't feel the intrusion. But he had.

"Okay....Who took my cell phone?" he asked, still maintiaining a pleasant demeanor, but allowing some darkness to creep into his voice.

"I did Mr. Bum licker," Tommy said from three feet away. "Wanna see if it can fly?"

And he hurled it right into the pool.

"Did you see that?!" Mike Bower had time to ask.

What happened next is still discussed by the employees of Penfield sewage treatment plant.

Smiling, calm, and quick as greased lightning, Earl Bumgartner grabbed Tommy Engvall and threw him over his shoulder like a sack of laundry. Tommy, too stunned to react at first, could be seen turning very pale, his mouth open in an "O". As Bumgartner made his way to the sewage pool, Tommy only grew paler.

Too late, he began to kick and yell. Too late the foreman started forward to try to reach the struggling form that was Tommy Engvall.

Bumgartner reached the edge of the pool. He whipped Tommy off his shoulder and slid his grip to Tommy's Ankles. Then he flipped him upside down and held him over the pool like the penduluum on a grandfather clock.

"Lesson time, Tommy," Engvall said and began to grin. He lowered his arms and dipped the now screaming Tommy headfirst into the inflow pool. He pulled up. Dipped again. Pulled up...dipped again.....

The bottom line is that Earl Bumgartner was right. One of them did indeed leave Penfield County Sewage Treatment Plant a broken man. In fact, both of them did.

You'll find Tommy Engvall a very quiet boy these days. He hasn't spoken to anyone in the eight months since the incident occurred. He just sits on a wooden stool in the corner of the living room, shaking slightly, and absently scrubbing his skin, trying to remove an odor that just won't quite leave.

And Earl Bumgartner? Once his two years at Fullerton Sanitarium are over, he'lll likely remain committed of his own free will. It's much safer in there you see.....

As a volunteer in my son's 1rst grade class, I was able to go along on all of the field trips and often brought along my preschool daughter with us. One of the trips we went on was to a place named Prehistoric Gardens; a rain forest on the Oregon Coast and it was field with real size dinosaurs that the old man the started it built for his children ( about 40 years ago).

As we all stood in line to get our wrist bracelets one of the only other moms with us. 30 students 3 adults, said "I know this may not be the best time to ask this, but I did not realize how traumatic for me seeing those creatures would be and do you mind if I wait in the car?". Well what choice did we have, she waited in the car.

Now there were 2 adults and 30 kids tromping through the garden when all the sudden a student yelled, "Did you see that??!!", and then Ms. Teacher, "I could have SWORN that dinosaur moved!". That was that, Chaos broke out, kids flew in all directions and the teacher nearly trampled her students trying to catch them all. MIGRAINES!! Everyone of you is my cross to bear!!

"Did you see that??!!" yelled my lovely son stirring whatever trouble he could to keep the excitement going. I turned around slowly and saw a long necked dinosaur's head come straight down toward me and Frances, my daughter, and I jumped sideways and backwards at the same time in order to avoid the meeting of heads. Now there was a head in the middle of the path and kids spread everywhere but no one was hurt although I was plopped on my bottom in a pile of dirt and leaves. "Uh huh. Uh huh. Now YOU listen to ME, young man!! I don’t think that that was funny at all, you scared me!!"

"But mom, that dinosaur looked like he was gonna eat you."

A voice came over the loud speaker: “Please stay on the trail as the rain gardens grow better without kids climbing all over the trees and such". Hmmm, I thought. Maybe they should keep the dinosaur of the trail and we will keep the kids out of the trees."

What a disaster that was. Needless to say, my daughter lost interest in dinosaurs and my son's was been peaked. My peacekeeper and my warrior, these days they compliment each other pretty well, she can calm things when needed and he has grown into a hulk of a teen and can defend anything when the peace just cant be kept. What balance.

A voice came over the loud speaker : " I know this may not be the best time to ask this, but Who want's to go on a field trip!?." A few hours later on the bus.I turned around slowly and saw a dinosaur. I was interupted. Okay.....Who took my cell phone? Not me! I turned back. Did you see that??!! See what? I could have SWORN that dinosaur moved! Chaos broke out......The teacher nearly trampled her students. MIGRAINES !! Everyone of you is my cross to bear!!I can feel my brain cells dying....One by one. But teacher I saw it! Uh huh. Uh huh. Now YOU listen to ME, young man!! I know that dinosaur did not move! The dinosaur moved and the teacher passed out.

"I know this may not be the best time to say this, but I just farted," I said to my friend. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww," he said.

Okay, WHO TOOK MY CELL PHONE!?! nobody said anything. I could have sworn that dinosaur moved I said pointing to the bus driver. A voice came over the loud speaker, "Fatty report to the front please." I felt my brain cells dying, one by one. Migranes!!! Everyone of you is my cross to bear! But my teacher heard me, uh huh. uh huh. Now you Listen to me only young man! Did you see that I said to my friend. But my teacher heard me again, then chaos broke out. The teacher nearly trampled her students. I turned and slowly saw the PRINIPAL! DUN-DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

Emu here. I need 25 hours.

These are SO cute!

If I get time tomorrow I will write something with them.

Let you know. :)

♥♥♫♫♥♥

It was raining, and cold outside as the group gathered in the early hours of the morning. Kathy, Tony, Keith*, Meredith and Diane arrived early. Megan was running late. It was a shock that they were all in the same place. They were headed to the Musuem of Natural History. They were going to study various areas of interest so that they could be informed somewhat on various subjects, for the upcoming episodes. This trip had been previously planned, by their respective boss' (who normally didn't chat with one another due to competition for ratings) for an upcoming stint that involved all of the afforementiond group. (Okay, it wasn't actually their boss' that had asked them to go, more or less an 'associate' in the business that put them up to it.) The others in the group also supposed to be headed to the museum that day phoned ahead to say they would meet them there. Some making excuses to avoid the pointless excursion altogether. Marg claimed to be driving around unable to find a parking spot. William had let his answering machine pick up the calls. The other Cathy and Robert claimed to have appointments. And the list went on. The attending group of those who did show up, was anything but estatic to have to ride three hours in a cheese bus.

After what seemed like an eternity in the cramped, smelly bus, they finally arrived at their destination, to the relief of all of the passengers.

As they made their way inside, walking down the long coridors to the obnoxious droning of the 'tour guide' Diane sighed and said, "God i hope this day is over soon. This is boring as he*ll." Tony answered, "Tell me about it. (7) I can feel my brain cells dying....One by one."

As they walked into yet another room, suddenly, the air had the scent of arthirtis creme and urine. "OMG what IS that smell?" quipped Megan as she covered her nose with her hand. "This smells more like a hospice than a museum."

The others agreed. The Guide began to go on her schpiel about the various genus of plants located in the room, but the objections from the group quickly ended her story.

Annoyed they moved onto the next area of interest, the dinosaur exibit.

As they entered vast the room filled with a variety of dinosaur skeletons, and the guide began her obnoxious rant that seemed targeted at grade-school children as opposed to adults, Kathy whispered over to Meredith, "OMG what am i ten?" Meredith answered, "Seriously. I remember all of this from the 4th grade. Sorry, i didn't plan the trip." Keith* chimed in, saying, "And why do we need to know about the T-Rex? What's the relevance? WHEN do we ever deal with story-lines about a T-Rex?" "Diane responeded,"Maybe they're doing a little something special for sweeps week. Other than that, i can't rationalise this entire vist." Megan chimed in, "This is the stupidest thing i ever encounterd. Who gives an Eff about a million year old reptile skeleton. I don't. Do you?" Tony nodded then shrugged his shoulders in agreement. Keith* rolled his eyes, Meredith sighed.

Suddenly the group spotted Anthony, and Ros, who normally managed to avoid all 'group' activities walking towards them.

They were late. Roslyn had tried to get out of the field trip by merely phoning in sick, but, Marrianne, who was absent that day, had promptly phoned Anthony to let him know that Ros was in fact not sick at all. It was supposed to have been a very large group at the Musem that day, but unfortunately, a good portion of the supposed participants were a no-show.

Suddenly (4) A voice came over the loud speaker :"_phone call for Kathy -----; Kathy please come to the information booth. __." "Oh thank God," Kathy sighed, seeing this as her opportunity to exit the corridor, and then the building. "Lucky girl," said Megan, rolling her eyes. Kathy smiled and said, "Have fun!" as she nearly ran towards the exit. "Hey that gives me an idea," said Keith*, as Meredith and Anthony chit-chatted in the corner, about Jerry's itenerary for the group. "What if we all suddenly received 'important' phone calls, one by one..."

Ros raised her eyebrow, "Go on........." she said. "We could have someone phone us, individually, saying it was an emergency, and could make an excuse to leave." he finished. Diane said, "That's a great idea. BUT, we'd have to space it out so that it wouldn't seem intentional. If we all receive calls at the same time, or too close together, they'll know something is up." "That's true," said Ros, Then Diane siged annoyedly, "I can't believe i'm the only one that actually showed up today. I am so asking Dick for a raise." Megan added, "Well, how i even got roped into coming is beyond me. I haven't a clue. I don't work with any of you." "What do you mean, you 'haven't a clue'?" said Tony, you wanted to come. "Pshhhaw whatever," said Megan.

"Okay, so what's the plan?" asked Diane. "Well,...."said

Keith* thinking intently, "What if, two of us get 'phone calls', two remember prior engagements for today, and one fakes sick? That way, it won't look too suspicious, like we're all trying to get out of here?" "Good idea," said Ros, "Since i said i was sick this morning, i'll be the one that's sick now. It'll be consistent." "Good," said, Keith*. Diane said, "Tony and I could fake an emergency, and you and Megan could have the previous engagements." "Oh that'll work," said Megan, reaching into her bag for her phone. "I'll ask someone to call here for Keith* and I." "Good," said Keith*, gazing at Meredith and Anthony still chit-chatting with the tour guide. "Hurry," said Diane. "Omg!" said Megan. "What? What's the matter?" said Tony. "I can't find my phone," she said. (2) Okay.....Who took my cell phone?" she said annoyedly. "No one took your cell phone Meg," answered Tony, "It's got to be in there somewhere. Keep looking." "Screw it," said Diane, reaching into her bag, "Just use mine." Keith* took the phone from Diane and promptly made a call. Then he paused a moment and said, "What? Oh, i don't know the number here, hold on, let me call you back." He looked up at the group, "Does anyone know the number to this place?" 'No' The group muttered in unison. "Tony!" whispered Keith*, "Do you know the number here?" "Oh yeah sure," said Tony sarcastically, "I have it on speed dial. Why would i know the number here?" Keith* just stared blankly at him. "Call information," said Diane. "Okay fine," said Keith*, doing as instructed. "Hello?" he said, suddenly confused. "This sounds like...." he started handing the phone to Tony. "Marianne?" said Tony a bit shocked, "Since when have you worked for information?"

"It was the only way i could get out of going today," muttered Marianne from the other end of the phone. "I had to agree to "work" here for the day. Kathy and Ros did it before, so i figured, why not?" Tony quickly asked for the number, which was provided, then handed the phone back to Keith*. Within minutes, several calls were made, as planned, so that the respective good sports ☺ could have a reasonable excuse to leave the what was going to be rememebered as the most boring day in history, expediently.

Then they'd meet outside, around the corner, and find a hole-in-the-wall spot to have lunch, before heading home.

After all of the calls were finished, the group sighed in unison.

It was perfect timing. Meredith and Anthony were done chatting, and were now heading back over towards the group, along with the guide. "Show time," said Tony, "Make it good people." Diane and Keith* chuckeled. "Well, we ARE professionals," said Megan with a grin. As Meredith walked towards the group beginning to recant the rest of the itenerary, Keith* glanced at Ros who took the cue. "(1) I know this may not be the best time to ask this, but _I really need to leave_" she said to Meredith. "I've been sick all day and have the worst headache. I feel like I'm going to pass out."

"Ohh..." started Meredith. Anthony chimed in, "Marianne said you weren't really sick, that's why i told you to come." "Oh what does Marianne know?" said Roslyn," She's not inside my head." "It's just a headache," said Anthony, "Take some tylenol." "Oh easy for you to say," said Ros, "Seriously guys, I need to leave." As Meridith and Anthony began to object, Ros took another visual cue from Tony to continue on with the schpiel. (5) "MIGRAINES !! Everyone of you is my cross to bear!!" she said adamantly, "I'm leaving. If Jerry or Hank has a problem they can call me." Then Tony and Keith* smiled a fast smile at her skill, as she turned and walked towards the exit.

Just then, as if on cue, Tony's cell phone rang. "Hold on, let me get this" he said. Then he pretended it was an important issue as he slowly raised his voice, (6) "Uh huh. Uh huh. Now YOU listen to ME, young man!!...." he said, talking to Eric who had done him the favour of phoning him. "I'm really sorry," he said to Meredith, "This is a matter of pressing importance," he continued covering the phone, "I need to leave. I'm sorry." "Oh, okay," said Meredith, as Tony continued along with the 'story' walking towards the exit.

Over the next ten minutes, each of the group went along with the plan, all abruptly exiting the building, one by one. Finally leaving only Meredith and Anthony and the tour Guide who seemed disappointed that she couldn't finish the day's tour to these very important guests. Anthony shrugged. "I guess we should call it quits for the day. Maybe we can re-schedulle?" he said to Meredith, who seemed somewhat suddenly curious about all the 'issues' that had arisen quickly with the group. "Yeah i guess," she sighed. "But i don't understand this, they were told to clear their schedulles," she said thoughtfully. "Actors...." sighed the tour guide, shaking her head. Then it dawned on Meredith, and Anthony. "Yes, yes yes," she said, half annoyed, half smiling. "That's why they get paid what they do." Then she smiled slighly and sighed.

♥♥♥THE END♥♥♥

*grins*........ the end, the end, the end. ♥

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