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CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE CHRISTMAS KIND

Santa knew he had to be more careful with the treats the kiddies left out for him on Christmas Eve. He'd just finished off some funny tasting brownies. At least, that's what he attributed this hallucination to. He had been flying in his sleigh, minding his own business when a silver disc had appeared out of nowhere. In an instant, he had been caught up in some kind of tractor beam and his rig was being pulled through a gaping maw into the depths of the craft.

The sleigh touched down with a soft thud on the floor of a vast, cavernous room. To his left, two figures appeared and glided toward him. They were funny looking beings with huge eyes and gray-green skin. The tallest spoke up. "Hello, human. I am Zorblatt. We are here to study your species." The second one added, "yes, we've been monitoring your signals for many years. I have grown accustomed to your broadcasts. Hello....pardner!" "Elrod" said Zorblatt, "you must not impersonate!"

Santa rubbed his eyes. "Do you know who I am? he asked them incredulously. "You have to let me go! It's Christmas Eve and I have a job to do!" "Bah! Humbug!" said Elrod happily. "Let's get on with the examination," said Zorblatt. A whirring noise started up and Santa saw a blue light emanating from the being's abdomen. It began to scan him. "What is that?" he asked, frightened. "Oh that is our photon light source," said Zorblatt matter-of-factly. "It is unique to our species. Your physiology could not contain it." "The moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair," said Elrod, nodding. "This should not take long, bearded one."

Santa struggled against the beam. "I'm Santa Claus! I bring toys to the children of the world in one night, and you're interfering with my work!!" "Of course you are," tittered Elrod. "Heaven help me, I love a psychotic!" Santa looked panicked, then depressed. "If you don't let me go, the whole world will be disappointed tomorrow morning." he sigHed. "Oh! The drama! It's like watching Rhett and Scarlett! My dear...I don't give a damn!" clucked Elrod. "You're maudlin and full of self-pity. You're...magnificent!!" "I AM SERIOUS!" roared Santa. "You have to let me go!" Elrod's huge eyes got even wider. "You mean...you are really...?" "SANTA CLAUS!" said Santa. "I've been trying to make you understand!" "Oh, I believe...I believe...It's silly, but I believe. Zorblatt, we have made a grave error. We need to release this human. Oh...and the two small ones we picked up earlier tonight." He walked to the wall, opened a door and produced two elves. "Here you are. Out you two pixies go." Bewildered, they climbed into the sleigh. Then the aliens joined them.

They set the sleigh down in a small town. The spaceship hovered overhead. "Thank you," said Santa. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make up for lost time." "Do not worry," said Zorblatt, "we have returned you to the same moment you were taken." Santa was speechless. "Yes, it's a wonderful life!" beamed Elrod, "and to think, the spirits have done it all in one night!" God bless us, everyone!" Santa raised an eyebrow. The spacemen scrambled out of the sleigh. "Oh, I'm sorry," said Zorblatt, "I'll stroll, You fly." The reindeer reached a gallop and the sleigh gained altitude. Soon it was out of sight. "What shall we put in the report?" sighed Zorblatt. "They'll never believe us." "Do not worry," said Elrod. "We shall return now. Let us deck our halls and rock around the Christmas tree on this silent night. I believe the salutation they use is 'Merry Chrismas'." Zorblatt regarded him solemnly. "Merry Christmas, then," he said. "Yes, and Merry Christmas to you," replied Elrod, "and to all a good night!"

THE END

Two drunk men on Christmas eve stood in a bar arguing if patience was a virtue.

"The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first!" says the first man.

"Bah! Humbug! Patience is a virtue." replies the other.

"Out you two pixies go." says the bartender who is tired of their uproar. And he tried to push them out of the bar which was way past the closing time.

"Let go of me! You have the touch of a love-starved cobra." says one of the men.

"i believe in patience. I believe... I believe... It's silly, but I believe." shouts the other man.

"The moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair while you wait there patiently!" says the other man.

"God bless you gentlemen for an enjoyable evening and wishing you the best of the Christmas but I really must close now!" says the bartender.

"God bless us every one!" says the men as they stagger drunkenly outside where they are hit by a blast of snow.

"The first Noel, the angels did sing, was..." roared one of the men as he staggered along.

"You're maudlin and full of self-pity. You're magnificent!" the other encourages him and they did a Christmas jig along with the song as a cab driver waited patiently for them to move along before he sped on.

ill give it a shot.. but it wnt make sense! lol! :

I believe in Santa.I believe... I believe... It's silly, but I believe. I luv when he says "God bless us every one!"...... or wait wasn't that my mom? Is my mom Santa?

STRANGE?!........She's right out of The Hound of the Baskervilles !!

Well i had a funny dream! Tinkerbell & Silvermist wanted to find Santa! "Out you two pixies go, " sumone said. So they left carrying a cart full of maps! Silvermist had her hands full & she had to push the cart. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll stroll. You fly," Tink said. But then I woke up cuz it sounded crazy... like me!

Oh well....Heaven help me. I love a psychotic!

As I saw her run out of the doors, I got down one knee, spread my arms out, little Jamie, running towards me. I embraced her in a bear hug.

“How was school?” I asked my little 2nd grader

“Great!” she exclaimed with a gleam in her blue-green eyes “Its Christmas break!”

“Let’s go get Maddie”

As we hopped into our Blue bug, Jamie read the license plate, as she does every day

“Hum… Bug”

“That’s right” I saw her buckle up in the mirror “Our Buh Humbug”

We picked up our 10th grader. “Out you two pixies go!” I exclaimed as I dropped them off at our small, green-paneled house, “Maddie, take care of Jame,”

“Yeah, Whatever dad,” The tall teen said.

I went to go pick up my wife at the local airport, living really close to it, I got there early, I called my wife to tell her I was here

“ we’re landing right now…” I heard the crackly voice through the receiver

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll stroll, you fly…”

All of a sudden I heard a loud screech… out the window, I saw an airplane, nose crunched, the numbers on the tail read 8773, I checked the flight information on the stickey note I had in my pocket, of course, she was riding flight 8773, I heard the intercom come on,

“there has been some… uhh… complications with flight 8773, we will refund half the money, and repay for any…. uhh… ruined things… God bless everyone of us…”

I ran to the gate, “I believe… I believe… it seems silly but I believe” I told myself, I knew she would come out safe everyone did, but still.

“I’m sorry, I guess the pilot was… I dunno”

“Heaven help me! I love a psychotic!”

My wife looked at me like I was crazy

well its up to you, and where ever your leads you..... think about it.