I honestly thought things would have changed with my husband , for the best but it’s a everyday thing . He constantly getting aggravated with me ( making a sound of aggravation ) he continues to ignore me for hours ( when him and I have a disagreement about something he just leaves it alone for hours in a day and won’t resolve until I say sorry first ) constantly gets his attitude with me and when I’m so hurt by it and begin to cry he then walks away and says I’m to sensitive. I ask him can we cuddle more and spend more time , basically to bring back the romance in our marriage but he says he’s too tired from work and rather play video games until bed time . Once bed time comes I ask can we talk about our marriage, he then states he has to wake up early for work in the morning and tells me not to be selfish and let him sleep. This happens to me every single day . I have been married to him for 5 years. I’m afraid to ask him things at times because I don’t want to argue or get my feelings hurt . He’s only nice moments throughout the day. When I tel him our best option is divorce he says “ pay for it “ knowing I don’t have enough money . I don’t know what to do anymore . I really feel stuck and really depressed.
Answers & Comments
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If any relationship leaves you feeling drained, depressed or worthless you should really assess whether staying is beneficial to your health in the long term. It’s worse feeling lonely in a marriage then being separated or divorced.
You can file for divorce at the court house for around $100 and then get a restraining order. Once you have the restraining order and filed for divorce wait for him at the front door at home. When you see him walk up, open the door and hand him the papers or go to his work and give them to him there.
5 years is a danger zone for marriages.
Time for marriage counseling to learn how to work together. If he won't go, then there is nothing TO work on.\
Don't ask about the marriage during bedtime .. that IS selfish.
Don't depend on him to keep you from getting bored with your life ... that makes men claustrophobic.
While you two were dating, you were both infatuation with each other. Your brains pumped out chemicals that made both of you "high" over each other, and so it was easy - natural, even - for him to be obsessed with you and romantic.
But infatuation ALWAYS dies out and then it is not so easy to be romantic.
BUT a husband should try to be romantic occasionally.
AND a wife should not NEED to bolster her self-esteem by having a husband fawn over her.
So I cannot back his behavior, but neither can I back your behavior.
As for crying ... men usually DO walk away. Expect that. Instead sit down and tell him what specifically you need from him and hope he cares enough to work on it. It is not enough to say "I need you to be more romantic".
Instead, say ... "I want you to buy me flowers when you can no longer remember when you last bought me flowers" (and don't complain if he has a long memory".
Or ... "I need to you to give me a goodbye kiss when you leave the house AND one when we both meet up back at home at the end of the day" ...
Specific things. Speak up for your needs. Be reasonable and do NOT expect HIM to make you feel whole or happy.
That is how marriages work.
As for him ... no, he's no angel. He's like most men are. But the fact is that YOU cannot make HIM change. You can mentioned what you need but you have no control over whether or not he fulfills those needs. And HOW you communicate with him can make the difference between whether or not you trigger his empathy or whether or not he thinks you are trying to boss him around.
Another reason for marriage counselling .. they won't sit down and tell you what you/him are doing wrong .. they teach you two how to communicate and how to create a bond between the two of you.
Thank you for your answer , truly appreciated . We have no children due to 3 ectopic pregnancies early in our marriage . I ask for us to be sexual but theirs always an excuse . I also work as well , and cook and clean also . We usually both contribute for those things but not the romantic and respect part.
You do not mention children or your job, which makes it difficult to answer too fully. Rather than telling him that divorce is an option, why not ask him some questions. Not when he is in bed and tired, but on a weekend for example. Your words have not had any effect so far. Does he want and have sex? Do you cook and clean for him? If so, he seems to be all take and no give. Pay for a divorce? His money is also yours if married. Get some legal advice where you live. Good Luck!