Essentially, I got into an argument with someone a year ago. I no longer deal with this person unless it’s for business purposes. The person did apologize, but the apology was not sincere. The individual proceed to disrespect me after the apology. The person didn’t even want to apologize in the first place and found the whole issue entertaining in a sick way. Disturbed I distanced myself COMPLETELY from the individual.
Anyway, the person was never doing this before when we were talking, but since that argument the person is sending me well wishes like “Hope you are well”, “Hope you enjoyed your weekend”, “Feel better and get plenty of rest”. I feel like it’s to get under my skin or annoy me in some way. I always ignore it and just acknowledge the business portion of the email. The person should they see me keeps saying to me, “Hi Nina, How are you?” Again, you proceeded to insult me after the argument. I think saying Hi is okay, but to ask about my well-being and to keep asking is suspect to me
We never dated, we were not friends, and interacted maybe like 5x out of the year.
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Hope you are well means just that. The person hopes you are in good health mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. You KNOW this. Your real questions sounds like, “Why is the person being so nice to me all of a sudden?”
In my humble opinion, You are correct the person does not respect you. I say this because you wrote this person has a HISTORY of making inappropriate remarks to other people. It’s possible that because you called the person out for racism he’s being EXTRA nice to “prove” he is not racist and deeply respects you. I don’t know what the remark was that he said, but Racism does not go away over night. I believe this is what you are sensing. Is he being nice because he is caught. It is possible now that the person is caught he is now OVERCOMPENSATING. It’s possible he fears you may still report him if he screws up again so he’s trying to make it known to everyone that he respects you by constantly sending you well wishes in an attempt to smooth things over. In the event you do report him one day he could easily whip out his trail of well wishes and use it against YOU. Did you report this person to HR? I wasn’t clear on that part. If so, then it would make more sense why he’s being extra nice. HR or the boss had a word with him.
At the same time, you have no choice but to accept his well wishes for what they are. We are not mind readers and we do not know his true motives. Speculating will only make things worse and the tension high, but I do see your perspective. I saw that you are indeed still meeting his professional needs immediately. VERY GOOD! I read that you are still responding POLITELY to him when he does say it and not engaging in personal conversation. VERY GOOD.
All you can do is ignore it. He says, “Good Morning, Nina. How are you?” You respond, “Good Morning, Tom. I’m doing well, thank you.”
THAT’S IT! You are not required to engage this person in personal conversation. Continue to respond professionally and meet his needs immediately.
Sorry, you have to deal with this. Just ignore the guy and get on with the job. If he continues to throw disrespect your way whenever you are alone then you know this persons true motives. At face value, it seems he is trying to create the image that he does respect you and is trying to smooth things over. It’s also possible he wants to apologize again but properly and he doesn’t know how. He maybe sensing Rightful barrier from your end so it’s making it difficult For him to do the right thing. Just giving you a few Possible scenarios/ angles to work with moving forward. Step back from the situation and try looking at it from different angles. To be honest, again, it’s the history that this person has of disrespecting other people that seems to be the barrier for you in deterring weather his attempts are authentic or not. Only you can make that decision as it’s true you work with him and know him best. Of course, You will observe something we don’t.
I understand racism is painful and messes with you psychologically. In the end, holding onto anger and pain does more harm to the offended than it does to the offender. Let go, breathe, and Continue to repel negativity. Be the beautiful Soul God made you to be.
"The term 'hope you are doing well' means just that unless there is ulterior motive do not read anything other than what it means." If you are insulted by which terms/apologies which this person is giving to you, thinking that they are completely insincere and so unnecessary, you just ignore them.
You are WAY over-reacting.
"How are you?" is a polite greeting, with no undertones. It has little meaning, the correct answer is "Fine, how are you?"
Consider that this person may well be trying to smooth things over between the two of you, and may actually regret whatever it was that set you off.
Perhaps she's even going out of her way to avoid setting you off - you seem to have quite an attitude.
At any rate, ignoring someone's polite greetings and well wishes is rude, and if done in public makes you look like a boor.
Honestly, the entire tone of your question makes me glad I do NOT have to work with you.
Clearly your question isn't really about the meaning of 'Hope you are well'. You KNOW what it means.
Your problem is your relationship with this person. So re-post the question under 'Friends and Relationships' or whatever the category is called.
Since it's in emails, it probably just means that they want no record of any hostility on their part.
For the business part, are they asking for something? It might just be a way to soften the request, to make it seem like the care about you as a person, and aren't just trying to get you to do some work for them.
The person is being a bit snarky. Ignore it.
Seems like you're living a life of fear and mistrust. I'm glad i don't.
It means they “Hope you are well”.