I have an asperger's fiancé whom refuses to see people other than myself, his sister and a close family friend. We have gone through 2 miscarriages, and one stillbirth in the past two years, the last one being a month today; with fathers day around the corner hes getting more and more emotional, he tends to form bonds with "tokens" just little objects, it helps him cope, identify and manage his emotions.
My question to you is : Should I prepare a letter for him written as if it is from "them" or can you think of another form of token that may aid him through his grieving?
Update:Comments on anything other than the question at hand will be completely disregarded.
1) I have a medical disorder, he knows it, I know it, comments on my health and the nature of my fertility are unwelcome and unnecessary.
2) I am also on the spectrum, I don't need a lecture upon it, I need to know if anyone has any ideas for said token.
Thank you for your time in awnsering, but please stick to the given question.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
hi grace, bless you both for what you are going through xxx
i think the letter is a great idea, very thoughtful, even a card with a trinket on, i have a partner who lost her dad recently in april and i can understand your partners grief as fathers day approaches. its hard watching the adverts as it brings it all back.
i hope you both stay strong through this. lots of love and best wishes xxx
My heart goes out to you and your family. You are a remarkable person to have committed so deeply to such a difficult a situation. May I first suggest that you check with your doctor and request tests to determine if these miscarriages and stillbirth are related in any way to your personal health. Your husband may feel personally responsible because of his own health issues and it would be a relief to him to give him solid news that you have a medical condition contributing to this issue. Don,t tell him you are having tests -- in case you are cleared and that would compound his guilt.
Just as an aside to this thought I wanted to share that my mother had 5 miscarriages and 4 live births. No medical problems --just statistics.
As far as helping him through his grief, you have to follow his lead. Everybody grieves differently regardless of their health conditions and being there for him, letting him go through his own process, reminding him in little ways that you love him no matter what. Unconditional love is the greatest cure for any emotional pain. Best of luck and my prayers are with you. Charly
I'm 68 and I have aspergers - everything you have ever read about our brains being wired differently is true - they don't work like yours - he's not grieving - he accepts people die - what he's trying to do is make sense of his world without them - and his place in it - the most popular website for aspies on the internet isn't called Wrong Planet for nothing - we feel like aliens because we have belief systems so much different from yours - we don't understand yours - you don't understand ours - he requires an 'Other Planet' scenario to make sense of his world - you don't - you have your own planet - where all you neurotypicals live - he at least needs to cast his mind to an 'Other Planet' to construct his own personal scenario as his shrine to those that have passed over - an 'Other Plane' of existence will do - its how he imagines the hereafter - as you imagine heaven if you are a believer - nowt wrong with that - its as okay for him to imagine the hereafter as for you to imagine heaven - just slower because he doesn't have several thousands years of religious and philosophical writing to help him envisage it - get him copies of the following books to read -
Journeys Out Of The Body by Robert Monroe
Far Journeys by Robert Monroe
Ultimate Journey by Robert Monroe
My Big TOE Awakening by Thomas Campbell
My Big TOE Discovery by Thomas Campbell
My Big TOE Inner Workings by Thomas Campbell
They will help him envisage an ''Other Planet", an "Other Place, an "Other After", an "Other Level" - because these other guys have written about them.
arafter there's nothing wrong with we develop mental comfort zoens