My uncle had mental health problems, he was 58. He had been in and out of mental institutions.
I neglected him for 6 months because my Nan had died. I called him on the phone and he confessed he was lonely. I promised him I would see him soon and take him out and give him his belated birthday present. He lives an hour away by motorway so it’s not easy to see him
Got a phone call today saying a next door neighbour hasn’t seen him, went in his house.
He was found slumped over in bed dead, but he was wearing his pyjamas.
The police said they suspected no foul play but we are awaiting autopsy results.
Does this sound like a suicide?
If he has taken his own life I will never ever forgive myself or get over the guilt. I can’t stop crying. I neglected him, knowing he was vulnerable and lonely.
He did smoke a lot and didn’t eat healthily, but was very slim. He complained recently he was losing control of his bladder a lot. Do you think he could have died in his sleep or had a heart attack?
I’ll be guilty even if he did die from natural causes. I miss him so much. I would give ANYTHING to have one final hug and speak to him. I loved him. He never knew how much he was loved.
Answers & Comments
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Based on what you said, sounds like he had a heart attack or something. You should not feel guilty at all, there are OTHER people who can see him so it should not all be on you.
it wasnt your fault, he couldve just had rnedical issues and died of that
It is not your fault.
If you really cared about him, you would have spent more time with him! I don't know why you feel so guilty.
Everyone regrets that they did not do enough before someone died. They want to tell their loved one that they loved them. But, the loved one already knew that, through your kind actions during your lifetime. Don't beat yourself up over your regrets. You did all that you could and did not cause your uncle to lose his life.
Sorry for your loss.
Let's be brutally realistic: Your uncle does not care any more. He is past caring. He bears no grudges. He is free from the torment of his life which he clearly did not enjoy. That he has died may be thought of as a blessing.
You are emotionally beating yourself up over something you cannot change. You have latched on to idea of your uncle and an idealised version of what you COULD have done. In reality, he was a troubled man who can't have been easy to like. I reality, he lived a good distance away. In reality, he got on with his life and you got on with yours. He did not make the effort to see you or to keep in touch with you. He could have, but he didn't. We all have choices in life and his choices were not very different from yours.
You are right that we should probably tell those close to us that we care about them. We never know when it will be too late. It is only when we lose a friend or relative unexpectedly that we realise how much more we could have done. If there is a lesson to be learnt, it is that we need to share our love more openly while we can. After they are dead, it is too late because nothing we can do or say will change what happened in their life.
Your uncle has gone. Beyond showing appropriate respect at any funeral arrangements, there is nothing more anyone can do so there is no point in blaming yourself for the past. You have a life to get on with, together with those you continue to care about. I hope you can move on soon.
If he was a heavy smoker for many years, a heart attack, or stroke is very likely as is bladder cancer. Noone gets in the mood for an hour trip when their nan dies, you did the best you could by talking to him. Guilt is a normal part of the grieving cycle. I hope yours passes quickly.