3 Summers ago (2 years since this summer just ended) I really ****** up with my fiancé early in or relationship. I had broken up with my ex of 3 years but unfortunately had to work with her over the summer. My fiancé (just girlfriend at the time) thought I'd leave her for my ex cuz we worked together. Well as the summer went on I realized I was still hung up on my ex and my friends persuaded me to leave my gf to be alone. So I did, which was mistake number 1. Number 2 came a few Weeks later when my ex convinced me she still loved me. I couldn't help myself because I still loved her. well she ****** me over again, but the whole time I was with her I was still thinking about my fiancé, so after my fiancé helped me move past me ex we started dating again.
Now the problem is that she still feels like I left her to be with my ex, but I didn't, I needed time to move past my ex who knew that and took advantage of me in my weakness and then left when she got tired of me. I love my fiancé so much I would never do anything to compromise our relationship, but she still hates me for this, she doesn't say hate but when she gets mad it comes up over and over and knowing me so well she cuts me as deep as she can, the ones who know you best can hurt you the most and all. I love her so much that writing this is making me cry, but she hurts me so bad idk what to do. Please help me help her get past it. Also if it helps she still holds a grudge with her ex 5 years ago for leaving her for another woman, if that detail helps.
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"she still feels like I left her to be with my ex, but I didn't"
Well, yeah. You did. Sure, it was a mistake, and it didn't last, and maybe you're right that things would have worked out worse if you'd tried to wrestle with those feelings on your own (though it's kinda suspicious that you only tried to work things out with your fiancee after the relationship with the ex fell apart again). But your reasons don't change the fact that you doubted your love for her enough to leave her. That was your choice. Your ex didn't hold a gun to your head and force you to get back together with her. So if you're trying to convince your fiancee that you really understand what you did was wrong and how much you hurt her, playing semantics and trying to push the blame on to your ex for manipulating you isn't going to get you anywhere.
Now, does that make it okay for her to keep punishing you two years later? No. But you cannot "make her get past this," any more than she was able to make you get past your ex. She has to do that on her own. And if she hasn't after all this time, then you may just need to accept that you made a mess too big to fix and let her go so she can find someone who isn't going to have to learn your lesson the hard way, instead of making each other miserable for the rest of your married lives.