It started out with her staying up in our bed eating gold fish and watching iPad until past midnight. I’d get kicked all night long. I woke up hot and every time someone moved or woke up with night terrors, I was up! Plus, our morning intimacy was out the window. I was fed up!
Her routine is out of whack in my opinion, and she plays him to stay up later. She asks for Gold fish and he goes and gets it at midnight. I told him this is no more! He agreed to a strict parenting routine.
Well, last night she wanted to stay in our room and he put the bed in our room. After he lost the iPad and took it out on me, I told him I needed privacy, and demanded that he move her bed to her room. I said he can lay next to her in the pull out trundle next to her bed until she falls asleep. I expected him to come to bed after she was sleep.
It’s 1am and he’s not in bed. I went in to check on them and she’s awake watching the iPad eating crackers that he brought her (after I cooked a full meal that she ate!) and he is passed out snoring IN HER TWIN BED, with a little table pulled up to her bed and his computer on with an adult movie playing for him to watch. He’s camping out!! I can’t get him to transition into her sleeping in her own room without being dependent on him getting her crackers at midnight, iPads, computers playing adult movies, and him sleeping in her bed.
How can I fix this? I want my man in our bed. I want a routine, and he agreed to it, but sneaks and does the opposite.
Update:Please note - we also live together in the home we built together along with my two children from my previous marriage.
Answers & Comments
WRONG. YOU banished him from the room. It's not his fault he was tired and fell asleep. Get a grip.
End the relationship. I see no happy ending. You have no kids together, so just leave, take your kids and let him go. He's not ready to make you #1 in his life and he's creepy sleeping with a 3 yr old.
move on........a loser
I don’t want to assume the worst and say that he has some weird sexual fetish for that kid, but his behavior is definitely weird and abnormal for an adult father to be doing.
A man is supposed to be the one doing the discipline and laying down the law. A man is the one that’s supposed to enforce bedtime rules, and other rules.
I recommend showing him the answers to this question, and asking him if he’s up to something weird and creepy. And if he’s not, and if he says he’s not, the only choice he has is for him to actually be a good parent and give her proper discipline, which means enforcing a bedtime, turn the lights out, telling her to sleep in bed, and if she makes noise, telling her she needs to stop making noise or she’s going to be grounded and lose toys, lose privileges, or if she REALLY keeps it up multiple days in a row, maybe even lose dinner until she adjusts.
It’s called tough love, and the parent needs to do it for their child to grow up strong, normal, and smart
You've received a number of interesting suggestions, some of which may be helpful. However, its his attitude and behavior that needs to change, and you need to make it worth his while. For example, if he wants to marry you, he'll have to reform. You have a three year old, and an adult on your hands who acts like another child. I would set exact rules of conduct with this issue for both of them. I would let him know, well in advance, that this will be a deal breaker, if he doesn't change to meet your expectations. And then, don't say this unless you fully intend to follow through or you'll permanently lose all credibility. You may wish to end the relationship if he doesn't, or accept that you have two kids on your hands, your three year old, and your fiance.
Sounds like neither of them are prepared for you two to wed. Did he formally propose with a date set for the wedding? They aren't ready for an adult woman to take an equal part in the household. Why did you move in? I'd ask myself why I moved in and how can I best prepare to move out again. They aren't ready for you.
Sleeping in her bed is creepy. She needs her privacy and he needs to grow up. He needs to get out now! The adult movies in her room is scary. He may abuse the kids. You would hate yourself if something happened. Get him out yesterday. Step dads are 20x more likely to sexually abuse.
You are negotiating with the wrong person. You need to talk to the child, as she is pulling your fiancé's heart strings manipulating him into staying. Offer her something really good if she can prove to sleep by herself in her room, but only if she is by herself. That way she will literally kick Daddy out to get the reward.
Go down, change the wifi password in your house, and turn off the wifi at a certain time.
He's making a point about who comes first in his life.