My b/f best mate made a racist comment about me – what shall I do?
I’ve been with my b/f for 8 months now he’s lost touch with most of his friends but he has one he’s known since they were kids. Let’s call him R for now.
He was so happy he’s met the girl of his dreams we’ve talked about getting married but whenever my b/f mentions me to R he was uninterested and blanked faced. My b/f tried to talk about me but never got any reaction. He told him I live in the city and I’m a lawyer and R sd well she’ll always be out and never at home (soo not true)
Then in February they both went out and R made a racist joke about me cos I’m Indian and my b/f is white. He also said we’d look odd walking down the street. R said him and his g/f don’t want to meet me until we’ve been dating at least 6 months cos then they’d know we were serious together!
My b/f was really annoyed R’s attitude and had a go at him.
My b/f eventually told me all this, problem is R and g/f are very good friends with my b/f ex g/f still and that bothers me. Since she’d cheated on my b/f and yet she’s still friends with them!!
My b/f still sees R and I’m excluded as they aren’t bothered about me my b/f said let’s just go there but I feel like an uninvited charity case. He said R didn’t mean what he said and is just narrow minded etc but hey are really nice people.
I don’t wana see him really but don’t want to be excluded esp when my b/f’s ex is round at R’s place and sees them regularly which make me uncomfortable.
What shall I do?
Update:To Carborane,
Hey,
You've missed the point his friend was blatantly racist he said something else as i explained above which i can't repeat on here. So it was that PLUS the comment about how we would look to others as a racist slurr he was quite rude about it in fact. My b/f hasn't got many other friends he lost touch with the others and R is his BEST oldest friend.
My b/f thinks i should meet them and make the effort I Just feel like an unwanted third wheel knowing how they dont really care about me or seem to want to make the effort
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Well I to have been in a similar situation with regards to racial comments. How I dealt with it was in front of a huge number of people. I simply retorted with, oh yes I seem to remember I have to respond to (what it was she'd called me) and made a point that everyone around heard what she called me. I asked her if she thought that was appropriate seeing as she was friends with my then girlfriend. I also added because she clammed up and went into a shell that she ought not worry about what she'd called me because I didn't hold any grudges towards her, I mean how could I , I would then be accused of putting down a backwards person, and I don't like to discriminate.
You see how to deal with it? Full on in their face but NEVER taking it out on the person you care about . After all you and your partner have chosen to be together. Hangers on (or so called friends if you will) have to accept that or be shown the door.
Show this person to be the inept bigot they really are in front of a load of people and see how they change.
Good luck
I bet it isn't easy for your bf either. R and his gf are comfortable with your bf and his ex, so that's not really racist to say your bf and you look odd. You look different, true, but I think that's a metaphor regarding how things changed. So, it really has nothing to do with you per se. I think you need to make more appearances in your bf's social circle. Not everyone is that narrow-minded. It is a snowball effect, you just have to win enough of his friends over, then the rest of them will gradually change.
nicely i'm afraid you will would desire to get used to the racism, it,s there and wont pass away , yet maximum folk are in contrast to that . You look to have a mixed up dating. you will desire to take a seat and variety your self out . elect what you elect and who you elect , then do away with so called acquaintances and tell them to techniques their very own corporation. For a metamorphosis you run your very own existence do no longer permit somebody else run yours.
Talk to your bf like soon