I started going on dates with this girl a month after her boyfriend of 4 years broke up with her. She said she was not ready for a relationship, but she still became crazy about me for a while. Then she became distant all of a sudden. I guess it s because she s realized she can have fun with her girlfriends and do things she never did while dating, and I ve been placed on the back-burner. She s been hot and cold with me, but recently she has been more cold.
She still expresses interest in seeing me, and I ve been still trying to set up times for us to meet. But she clearly doesn t feel the same anymore though; At least, that s what it seems like to me. Should I talk to her directly about it and seek closure with her? Or should I just leave things be? I ll see her again once college starts back in August, if we do not arrange to meet before then. Our foundation is a strong friendship, and I want to preserve that if possible, you know? I don t want things to be weird between us.
Answers & Comments
So you dated her anyway.
Your mistake.
No .. she became distant because she was hurt after that relationship broke up. Short-term her self-esteem was damaged and she needed to know that she was still desirable. But after a while, once that was soothed, the hurt resurfaced and she became AFRAID to CARE ...
It's not about fun with girlfriends. It is about fear that she will be hurt again.And there is not a dam thing you can do about it. SHE has to do her own inner emotional work, and until she has done that, she cannot be comfortable caring about love.
It takes 6-12 months to get over a breakup or divorce. And some people NEVER get over it.
As I said . your mistake. She warned you that she wasn't ready, but you didn't believe her.
If there's a chance for you to get laid, then by all means, keep seeing her. But if she's just giving you the run around, then do the same thing she's doing and put her on the back burner. I wouldn't bother with trying to get closure, that would be a waste of your time.
If you are friends and you understand you were the rebound guy then you can talk with her. Just tell her you understand she needs time and space to move on with dating other people and you'll leave her alone unless she contacts you and wants to communicate. If she just wants to be friends again, tell her you are fine with that and that you'll see her in the fall.
And then, leave her alone and start dating other girls.