My dad left our family home when I was 16, 4 years ago, for another woman. We used to be close but I discovered he is a natural liar and it’s not the same anymore. We rarely see each other now because he usually flakes, saying something came up. His new wife and step son seem to be his only priority and demand his constant attention (which I think even he finds very wearing). Anyway, this has been going on a few years. I even spoke to him about it, yet despite his emotional reaction his actions haven’t really changed since. I am really upset about it and feel like just giving up on him entirely. Is this a bad idea? Should I tell him, just stop contacting him, or maintain contact but stop trying to actually meet?
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While I certainly understand how disappointing and frustrating this must be for you, not to mention hurtful, my advice is to recognize that your dad is a flawed human being just like the rest of us.
That being said, that means you accept that he's unreliable and flaky and don't expect anything from him. He may want to do the right thing but is too lazy or pathetic to follow through, which is sad. But rather than give up entirely, I think maintain contact provided you have no expectations to meet. Don't take his lack of attention personally as that's obviously the way he is and doesn't mean anything by it. Maybe things will improve in the future, maybe they won't, but all of us have friends and family who are totally unreliable or annoying in this same way...
Yes, of course you should still “bother” with him. But you already know that or you wouldn’t be asking. My therapist has me apply an easy rule that helps me make decisions. Answer 2 questions: is it healthy? Does it work? If both answers are “yes” then do it.
You don’t have to decide your plan going forward right now. You can take it day by day and do what feels right for you in the moment.
He will never change, and the only thing you can be in total control of is how you react and respond to him.
My sister has completely cut my mom out of her life as a measure of protection for herself. I was close to taking the same route, but something about it just never felt right. It’s been a decade now, and even though it’s been really hard, I’m confident that sticking around has been right for me.
Think about what kind of example you’d like to be for your children, or anybody, but don’t compromise your long term happiness in the rush to be the better person.
thats up to you if you want to bother with him or not, i would just make sure you dont regret that decision later on
honey first of all, I am very sorry your dad is missing out so much !! secondly I personally believe that at one point in our life's we will have to accept that some people will like to stay in our life's and some will not, My advice to you is just try to things by yours self since your father is not reliable I think you should just forget about it and try to move on alone in life, sooner or later he will realized what he has done for sure. Be strong
Yes you should
That's a man,they have no idea how to father,they go wherever,,,I bet your mom was the real parent until you were 16 and your dad rode the ride of being a "dad",,i'm sure he wants a relationship with you and of course he loves you but now he has a new leader his new wife to tell him how to live,,,it's not your dad canceling it's what he's being told to do,,,it's not right but that's how it works,,Don't give up I guess,it sure can be an endless cycle,you'd think he would see and feel you are his child,,,and once a liar always a liar remember that,,,you can start making your own life for yourself,do the things you want to make you happy,don't worry about others,,you have one life to live......
maintain contact. he loves you as he did when you were little
you are an adult and it is up to you. if it is an important relationship for you to maintain, you'll keep trying. if not, move on with your life. things could change and make things better. good luck!