I was on my husbands computer the other day and opened the internet browser and his email account popped up. I saw a receipt for a purchase and decided to see what it was ( thought he got me a goodie!), but it was just some gaming software. Anyhow, I was already in there and skimmed over his emails and saw there was an email from this girl. I searched through the emails and saw how he would call her beautiful and to have a good day. This was a month ago, while he was out of town on a business trip. So, when he came home, I eerily, calmly asked him if he was chatting with other women online and he said no. So then I asked, "so then why do you call someone else other than me, beautiful?" He sat down and thought long and hard. Finally, he said he had re-joined that website we met on (We're barely going to be married a year in February '13 and actually because of his job, have barely started living together since August of 2012.), and that he started chatting with other women. I asked him to show me, and he did. I went through every single message. The last ones were with this one girl. He told her that he was married, that he lived with his wife and the he was just looking to spice things up. They left off, by planning to meet each other in the future. I left the room and went outside to process what was happening. I was completely blindsided. I felt he was a very honorable, truthful man, and days before I had even compared his straight character to my father and he just smiled. Lied through his teeth. I examined our relationship and I thought we had been doing great. He always tells me to be honest and to have open communication. We had a great sex life, almost 3 times a day. Obviously something was lacking though. So I came back in and told him that I didn't feel I could trust him again and I felt that getting a divorce would be the best thing for us. Over the next several hours he apologized many times, he promised to be a better husband, that he wouldn't do that again, that he realized that he was wrong and the he was most sorry that he hurt me. Then for the first time since we've known each other he started to choke up and say how he always hurt the people around him, his parents and brothers and sister and now he hurt the most dearest person in his life. I couldn't help but hug him. I asked why he did it and he finally accepted that he felt special getting all the attention and got a high from doing it. He said he had stopped chatting and emailing these women before he got back from his business trip and hasn't emailed anyone since, as he says he knew it was wrong and didn't want to hurt me. I do believe him, because I looked through every single email in front of him, before he even had time to delete anything. The stamp date correlated with his story. Anyway, we talked about us and I told him that he needs to communicate his feelings with me and that if he yearns for the need to feel special or excited, that I did too and that we needed to find that spark amongst ourselves. We both agreed. Anyway everyday since this happened, he's been very sweet and loving and tells me everyday that he's trying to be a better husband. I do love him very much and I do realize that the feeling of desire and excitement is very appealing and that we all make mistakes and I do believe his is sorry for his actions. However, I don't know if staying with him is the right decision. I fear that he'll do this again and maybe even eventually have physical contact with another woman. I need some advice please. We are both young (he's 24 and I'm 26 and neither of us had been in a serious relationship before. I think this was a big mistake on my part, getting married to him knowing he was so inexperience and young and that one day he would want more). I don't want to look back one day and regret staying with him. Thank you in advance.
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Relax Lady. Men who met their wives via a dating network and found happiness sometimes remember those feelings of being actively pursued and wanted. It was such a good time. That's how he met the love of his life. Every now and then the curiosity may come up but your marriage at this point is not in danger. He just wanted to get that feeling of women really hot on his tail again. He just wants to feel desired. Women go through this phase too! After that, the thrill is gone again because he comes home and looks at what he got and he is wonderfully in love and he remembers what it was like when he was alone. He is not going to jeopardize his marriage to get that loneliness again. Your marriage is safe. Just don't forget to give him the attention you gave him when you met. One of the biggest mistakes couples make once married is they stop doing those things they did in the beginning. Here's a word of advice to all married couples...the things you did to get that person and make them happy is the things you have to do to keep them. If you don't they will lose that "loving feeling." Good luck.
It sounds as though you two have a great relationship with each other.
He made a mistake, a big one, but by the sounds of it I think he genuinely will not make it again.
Mistakes help us learn, if we didn't make mistakes we would never learn how to do anything. This also applies for relationships. Since neither of you have been in a serious relationship before I think that he may still be learning and making mistakes that would have been made before you in other relationships.
Perhaps see a counsellor about it and find a substitute for online dating that gives your husband the same feelings he had when online dating. This way it's definitely been resolved.
If he ever does it again, don't give him a third chance. It's only a mistake the first time.
Its really hard to say whats right here since you really didnt catch him cheating on you. Yes this is bad enough and he should know better. I would say its due to his inexperience here and loves the attention he got, but time to grow up and honor his committment. I would give him a second chance here with the understanding that if you catch one more of even the slightest proof of this happening again, youre gone, no 3rd chances. It wont be easy because this is etched into your mind now so youll be looking for any little clue but this is when marital trust kicks in and life moves on until you get something concrete here and then divorce him and sue him for everything youre legally entitled to. Take one day at a time and move on and let this die out now. Anyway it all comes down to what you want here and Mariage Counseling can help if needed. Good luck
You have a right to be skeptical about his intentions because he was on the same dating site where he met you. You and him have to work things out and see where you and him don't meet at certain thiings, such as attention and understanding of love and intimacy. A early on marriage that you both have is bound to be challenged like any young marriage would. Just stick to your guts and have open communication with him. It depends on how you both feel and things that you and him have are not at the same level need to be discussed. Good luck with that and only open communication might help you and him get through this rough patch.
He was I hope totally honest with u. The internet dating sites can become a addictive social outlet for some who even after meeting and into a relationship crave as he said the 'high' of interacting with people online even with no intention of meeting anyone. If u love him and want to continue in this relationship I would suggest trying counseling.
I've had this question up on my phone all day and just now have time to answer it. Here's my two cents; he knew what marriage meant when he did it. He's playing with fire and you're going to get burned. Mine did the same thing. It broke me. Looking at porn is one thing, chatting with women online is quite another. If you stay with him, don't be shocked when he does it again.
This is tough because as far as I am concerned, he did cheat on you. He betrayed your trust and obviously doesn't love you enough to be faithful to, and honest with, you. If you are going to stay, ask for marriage counseling. This is a very bad sign when it happens at all, but this early in a marriage, yikes.
Cheating is a deal breaker for me.
So have a heart to heart with him...he shouldn't stray and you shouldn't snoop...your marriage has multiple issues...