I was skyping my boyfriend the other day (we’re in a long distance relationship) and i was upset over a kinda complicated issue - basically him doing something stupid a long time ago before we were dating that nobody else but me knows about, and me thinking he should fess up to it - and then his parents walked in the room and came over to his computer to say hi to me. they told me that they had just finished watching the movie “Failure to Launch” and seeing as my boyfriend is 25 and still lives with them, the first thing i sputtered out was “remind you of anyone?” probably with an obnoxious grin on my face. *looong awkward pause whilst they pondered what i said in utter confusion and shock and me realizing that might have been harsh* then simultaneously they defensively shouted “heeey!” and said how they like having him around and they seemed shocked that i would say something like that, meanwhile my boyfriend murmured “cheers”
now first of all, i’m american and my boyfriend and his family are british, and a very loving close-knit family at that, so my moment of semi-mean-spirited american humor-ness obviously didn’t translate very well. second, i was mad at him anyways so that didn’t help, because all i could do was awkwardly laugh at my own bad joke. now it’s been a few days and my boyfriend and i have since worked through the issue and things are all good, but whenever i think of that stupid comment i made i’m like *arafukhgiljceirmggegowexjfejmfm!* why did i say that??? i’m a mostly nice person, i just got upset but i don’t want to leave the wrong impression on my boyfriend’s family even though they might not even care what i said because they are pretty easy going... but still! i have a great boyfriend and shouldn’t say anything mean about him, that’s sucky of me!
come to think of it, even when i reflect on embarrassing things i’ve said as far back as elementary school, i feel a shudder of humiliation/guilt/pain/general horror, why do i not let these things go? why do i hate myself so much for saying them??
was what i said even that mean? i don’t know anymore! help?
Answers & Comments
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I can see by the first post that you have a multiple personality. Blame it on the other "sam". There ya go. Problem solved.
I know exactly what you mean! I really hate that side of me!
I always say things that I don't mean or it comes out really weirdly and I beat myself up later. But the thing is, many people just forget about it! As long as you apologized, I'm sure they won't hold it against you. Can you remember something that someone said to you in a similar way? Even if it was a little offensive, you kinda forget about it.
It's like you see a photo of yourself and you analyze every little thing and hate the photo, but to others it's nothing! Everyone is critical of themselves to certain degree.
I found that the best thing when those stupid thoughts creep up is immediately think about something else. Something positive, or just some random thought! Or remind yourself that others moved on and forgot all about it!
Don't be so hard on yourself. You may have said thoughtless things (not done them . . . yet!) everyone has. Constant dwelling on past mistakes is just going to cause you needless worrying.
Learn from your mistakes, and move on. The past is the past.
just forget about it