I met a guy at work and we got on really well, said all the right things and made me feel good and even showed me his vunerable side by saying he didn’t want to get hurt. Now my problem is I put my emotions ahead of everything else so I REALLY liked this guy. We went on a few dates and then we ended up sleeping together, I guess I should have realised after that something wasn’t right but when I shared my concerns he said he wasn’t a player and I needed to understand that. Things were fine he didn’t text much but he never did before except to ask what I wanted for my birthday and I tried to arrange dates but he would always cancel at the last minuet. I know he has personal issues and we had an argument when I told him I felt like he was stringing me along however we had arranged a date and he said he would talk to me then. Day of the date I get a message saying he can start a relationship with me because he needs to sort out his issues but can’t tell me what that is. I felt so hurt and upset no apology or explaination just that. It felt like I had put all the effort in and put my heart on the line to be crushed. The worst part is I see him all the time and so have tried to remain friends, I don’t want to push him away by asking why he did what he did but I feel so lost with my feelings for him and the way he is with me gives me the feeling he still has some for me but I feel I can’t move on until I get answers but still not sure if I should in case it ruins our friendship.
Answers & Comments
Once the fun is gone out of the relationship there is your closure. Forget this ever happened. Move on. There will be others to follow. Don't be so clingy. He may change his mind later but don't ever get under his thumb or any others again.
Honestly, Best thing you can do is ignore him and act like you moved on. This will then make him wanna talk to you. But when you to talk to him don't come off needy or like you wanna get back to together or else its gonna make him pull away.
He doesn’t find you sexually attractive enough to date, he just used you for sex. He’s trying to let you down easy.
You got played.
You need to be smarter. Stop going for men out of your league, just bcuz they say a few smooth lines.
Think of it like this. If someone said “hey I have a million dollars to give you. I just need your credit card information...” you’d think that’s a scam, right? Obviously too good to be true, right?
So when a super hot guy who’s clearly hotter than you, says “hey, so I’m vulnerable, just looking ‘for the right girl’, and I wanna date you blah blah.... but you just need to have sex with me real quick...” that should set off red flags in your mind, should it not?
Obviously they won’t say it quite like this but the idea is the same.
He did give you an explanation and he made it clear that he doesn't want to date you. There is nothing more he could possibly say that will make you feel better, and you already have all the closure you need. It's not his job to help you move on and he doesn't owe you anything. You need to take responsibility for your own feelings and choose to let him go. Start by ending your friendship. It is not possible to be his friend when you know you want more. You are using it as an excuse to cling to false hope and will miss out on meeting guys who are actually available. You need distance so you can get over him.
Sounds like he was just after sex and is making convenient excuses after the fact, and this is a textbook example of why co workers should never date. If you can't talk to him face to face or find it to awkward, then send him an email telling him how you feel.