Using the word "why" can make people feel defensive, like they have to justify their thoughts and behaviors. This is especially salient when they are talking about problematic behavior or maladaptive thoughts, which tend to come up frequently in counseling.
For instance, if you told me something mundance, such as your saw a particular movie last night, and I say "Why did you see that one?" you probably won't take offense at my "why" question. But if you were talking about something you did that you were ashamed or embarassed of, and I asked you "Why did you do that?" you may feel like you have to defend yourself, since your have an augmented sense of sensitivity around that particular subject, you may be inordinately defensive or touchy about it. Hope this helps!
"Why?" is the teenager wanting a reason why she can't stay out late.
"Why?" then is the beginning of rebellion.
"Why?" goes nowhere because it doesn't answer the question of "What?" What should I do now?" "What can I do that will help me?"
Go through Yahoo! Answers sometime and count the Why-questions. Analyze them as to: Can they really be answered? "Why do bad things happen?" "Why was I born?" "Why does the sun come up in the morning?" "Why are we alive?" "Why was this gal born pretty and this other one was not?"
"Why?" asks about motivation and ultimately seeks to lay blame. Which ultimately is useless, unless you are a criminal prosecutor.
So much better, including in counseling, to ask What?
This was one of the core issues years ago with Reality Therapy by psychiatrist William Glasser.
Because "why" is wondering what the cause of something is. And it is a counselors job to help you cope with the situation. "why" is a lot like "if." It doesn't get anyone anywhere. Wondering why you are in a rut is not helping you figure out what you can do to cope with it.
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Using the word "why" can make people feel defensive, like they have to justify their thoughts and behaviors. This is especially salient when they are talking about problematic behavior or maladaptive thoughts, which tend to come up frequently in counseling.
For instance, if you told me something mundance, such as your saw a particular movie last night, and I say "Why did you see that one?" you probably won't take offense at my "why" question. But if you were talking about something you did that you were ashamed or embarassed of, and I asked you "Why did you do that?" you may feel like you have to defend yourself, since your have an augmented sense of sensitivity around that particular subject, you may be inordinately defensive or touchy about it. Hope this helps!
"Why?" generally goes nowhere.
"Why?" is the teenager wanting a reason why she can't stay out late.
"Why?" then is the beginning of rebellion.
"Why?" goes nowhere because it doesn't answer the question of "What?" What should I do now?" "What can I do that will help me?"
Go through Yahoo! Answers sometime and count the Why-questions. Analyze them as to: Can they really be answered? "Why do bad things happen?" "Why was I born?" "Why does the sun come up in the morning?" "Why are we alive?" "Why was this gal born pretty and this other one was not?"
"Why?" asks about motivation and ultimately seeks to lay blame. Which ultimately is useless, unless you are a criminal prosecutor.
So much better, including in counseling, to ask What?
This was one of the core issues years ago with Reality Therapy by psychiatrist William Glasser.
Because "why" is wondering what the cause of something is. And it is a counselors job to help you cope with the situation. "why" is a lot like "if." It doesn't get anyone anywhere. Wondering why you are in a rut is not helping you figure out what you can do to cope with it.