This will be my second marriage. By nature, I am a planner. I like all meals, as much as possible, made a head of time or I do the crock-pot so I can enjoy my guests and not be stuck in the kitchen. Then I also clean the house like crazy and get everything in order before the guests arrive.
My fiance told me his folks would be here for one day only. We met his parents for lunch one day, the day my fiance and I had our grocery list and we had already purchased everything required for that day. I had planned all the meals from the recipes. We live in a rural area so getting to stores requires making lists and we don't get to the stores that often. Then his parents announced at lunch they would be staying over for a few days and not just one day. I am sitting there, going great since I had already planned the meals for one day only and of course my cookbooks are at home to look for more recipes. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. My fiance said I get so worked up when company comes and that his mom (who is a fantastic cook) took everything in stride if extra people would show up at her house.
It appears my fiance must have talked to them because now they cut their visit short and will staying only one night, not two. His mom called and mentioned how it is when people come over and one is stuck in the kitchen. I mean, it's obvious he talked to her and I am unhappy that he discussed me with his mother and me getting in a frenzy when people stay with us. My mother was the same way when people would visit, she was a planner and a cleaner too so I get that from my mom--everything needed to go like clockwork with meals, etc. My fiancé says I make it so hard on myself, yet I see him out working like crazy getting the yard work presentable. I guess he just doesn't like how I express myself. So I have become more quiet now around him since he goes off on me if I get wound up.
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You need to sit down and talk about this.
It's unacceptable for either of you to suddenly spring visitors on each other - never mind overnight. My house doesn't need to be utterly spotless and I don't need a gourmet meal in the oven when guests arrive, but both I and my husband agree that the house ought to be neat and we ought to have some food on hand to offer them (either just some appetizers, or a meal to cook/grill, or we can order out for all of us).
Your in-laws were extremely rude to just invite themselves over for additional nights. If they wanted to stay longer, they should've cleared it with you guys first. And even then, you are 100% within your rights to tell them that you can't accommodate them for more than X nights, or accommodate them at all.
If your fiance threw you under the bus ("Wife is unhappy about you staying here and she wants you to cut your visit short"), that is completely unacceptable. He SHOULD have said, "Sorry Mom, but we're not prepared to accommodate you for more than one day like we originally agreed. I can help you find a hotel in the area if you want."
You need to talk to him and tell him that it's nothing personal against his parents, and it's not a case of you being too wound up ... it's just common courtesy to work this sort of thing out ahead of time. And it was unfair of him to pin all the blame on you and make you look bad in front of his parents. It's HIS home as well, and HE needs to take some responsibility.
If my husband suddenly announced that he had invited guests over without discussing it with me first, and/or if overnight guests were suddenly extending their stay without discussing it with me, I'd personally just go out for a while and let him deal with the cleaning and cooking. If they were over for dinner and I hadn't known in advance so I could get enough food, I'd say, "What are you making for dinner, honey?" and let him figure it out. If I had prior plans and a visit was suddenly sprung on me, I'd say, "See you later everyone, I have a yoga class tonight. If I'd known in advance of your visit, I would've rescheduled it."
It doesn't matter how HIS mom dealt with guests. You are not his mom. If he wants to live with you and be married to you, then you have got to sit down and get on the same page with how to handle this in the future. If he wants everything done Mommy's way, then tell him that he's free to move back in with her.
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When there is a problem within the marriage it is each of your responsibility to talk to others and have sounding boards. Just like you did here! And yet you are angry that he talked to his parents.
You are overly controlling and that is always going to drive a wedge between you and him. The best thing to do is learn to get go, it would be easiest with a good pyschologist but you can try on your own with some books. Just because your mother does it, doesn't mean it's right and doesn't give you the right to act in this manner.
This wasn't a buddy who came for dinner and decided to stay for a week. This was his parents and you made it an issue. How horrible for him to have to choose between his family coming and you acting out like a crazy person? How would it go over if he acted the same way if your parents came over?
Of course she does the yard because he already knows who you are and knows it's just easier to comply (for now) and do it without being told.
Let me ask you this. How are you going to feel one day when he is so sick of the behavior that he leaves you and files for divorce over this? That all your overly careful planning, to the point of no flexibility, is the cause of the divorce?
You already state he goes off and that shows how sick of it he is. What is more important to you? Learning flexibility or being alone? It really will come down to this one day. Either that or you two will remain married but living separate lives.
When it comes to parents-you need to cut them slack. That's blood family. Don't go overboard with meals. Get some fruit, veggies, and simple leans protein in the house. BAM-there's simple meals that can be made when they're hungry. You only need to change the sheets and clean the bathroom when they leave-no difference if it's one or a few days. Those parents made and spent much time and money raising the guy you love. Remember that and be thankful.
seems like you both have a big personality different here. he doesn't like to socialize as much as you do. or he gets worked up. i do too. even when my own parents or siblings visit our home. i'm just not comfortable. no particular reason. i just don't like being a host and being on my toes to take care of guest's needs. i'd suggest you sort this (and all other major differences out) before getting married. first think very honestly and logically if you can live without having guests over for the rest of your life. if not, have them over a few times to see how ur fiance reacts and if he can compromise a little. otherwise, make a decision or get couples therapy
They cut their visit short, and now you have enough food for them, so the problem has been solved. Don't go into such a frenzy about it next time, if your guests decide to stay longer, improvise.
I think there is something mentally wrong with you... You are very petty.
relax.....