Mother's a pig— a swine.
Sister's a brat, disrespectful and exceedingly obnoxious for a ten-year-old child. Father has been a moral supporter all this time (Thank you, Dad ♥).
I have 2 friends. I am a loser.
I have no job. I am ugly (half-man half-girl). I've been bullied. I've been sexually abused. I am short (4'10").
Family disapproves altogether of my presence.
I am starting college but would rather die (Fool's way out, I know).
I want to change the physical features I dislike about myself but my family has been living on welfare— (maybe I could get said surgery in the next 15 years..)
Everywhere I go, these people all act normal. (I repeat: façade).
They all walk casually. I walk in fear, in paranoia. I cannot defend myself should a 10x bigger-than-me man try to take hold of me once again. I cannot breathe. I cannot stand. With nostrils flared, I hold my breath. Therapy + physicians won't help; it's all in the Mind. Paralyzed and tense, now and forevermore (you ungrateful nineteen-year-old child, you).
I am horrible. Always negative.
Never "feminine" nor do I willingly choose to be (/ personally associate as being feminine/girly as weak, therefore susceptible to rape).
Overall, I don't like my life. There are a myriad of things I would like to change but can not, due to my family's finiancial status but I won't push them to the brink. No. I adore each and every single one of them dearly even if they don't reciprocate the same towards me.
I would, in all honesty, be done with it, my Lord. Would His Highness do His child the favor of taking her home now please?I am done with this foolishness.
Update:I never intended to receive a response to my current state of mind. I have no where else to turn to nor anyone closest to me to hear my plea. I saught after answers.yahoo.com as a personal way to vent, and if this frustrates you, then I am sorry.
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You are not ugly. You are beautiful sweetheart. Do what you told me to do. Follow your own advice. Every person has their own way of being beautiful. And you are doing it perfectly. Please dont change for anybody. Please.
Sometimes the world may seem to be a dark and awful place to live in. The bright side of life may seem like oceans away and a place where you will never be able to get to. I wont pretend to understand how you are feeling right now sweetheart but i do know this: Life is like an endless series of hills, you have to climb each one to get to the other, why should i get to the next hill you ask? Well, life is nothing without obstacles as you go, you get stronger and then suddenly one day, you'll find that happiness is just a short mile away, not a distant horizon, untouchable, but merely just the next field a close distance, just waiting to be discovered. You are who you are, and nobody can ever change that, its what you MAKE OF YOURSELF which really matters. Be proud of who you are, chin up when you walk and with self confidence. Pour out all your problems to a counselor. Getting it off your chest is the first step to discovering who you really are, who you said you are, all this, the ugliness, fatness, gender-mix up, its just a facade a product of self pity, underneath all that lives a strong beautiful creature, just waiting to bloom and branch out. Everything is just waiting to be discovered. Theres a whole world out there and a whole life to enjoy. Make sure that you make the most of it.
do not kill your self, first of all. even if it form of feels as if no one cares about you, the folk round you actual do care about you and may want to be very unhappy in case you died, now to not factor out killed your self. I too sense as if I have nowhere to vent, so I follow screaming into my pillow. Being female doesn't continually propose being weak, i'm so sorry you've been raped and this got here about to you and that i won't be able to say it because I honestly HATE it at the same time as people tell me existence is going on. have you ever tried drugs for stress? that would help. by no ability is suicide the "fool's way out". It doesn't propose you're weak, it ability you've terrible not achieveable poblems in existence to take care of. I choose the finest of success upon you. No "God bless" from me, obdurate atheist that i'm. a lot of people on your existence love you, do not EVER ignore! <3 EDIT: "you recognize deep down you're ok" Now that's in basic terms boastful and rude and infuriating this man or woman of direction has no concept what you're dealing with do not hearken to them that's people like them who're the reason melancholy is going left out and unchecked and underrated and brushed aside like that's no enormous deal. EDIT: My heart is going out to you and those with similar memories:(
you need to speak with someone. and now go to the nearest ER. they will help you.
stop wallowing in self pity. What do you want us to say?