My boyfriend is an alcoholic. I didn’t know the extent of his alcolism until last month and i think it is getting worse by the day . We’ve been dating for 4 months. I looked through his phone and I’ve found out he’s been severely drinking since 2015. When we go out we drink but it’s a 2-3 drink max for me and usually he has 3 beers and 2 jack and cokes which I thought was reasonable for a man his size . But this last month our relationship has gone to **** because of his heavy drinking. I’ve gotten the most bizarre messages from him some about fighting 3 karate ******* ? He has cussed me out several times and made up story’s to hurt me all through text . The next day when he comes to his senses he apologizes and says he couldn’t remember anything he has written . He was a captain in the war and lost a lot of his men. He has ptsd and cry’s often about what he saw and what he did . He seems bi polar when he’s had too much to drink . When he is sober he is the sweetest, nicest generous gentleman I’ve ever met in my life . Only problem is he can’t get it together. He has an amazing job but he works from home so he probably drinks all day . I’m really thinking about leaving him as I’ve already talked to him but he just keeps getting drunk. I’ve asked him to stop and go to AA . I really don’t want to leave him but I don’t know how to help him , I feel we really love each other but I can’t live this way and I don’t know how he can either. Please help .
Answers & Comments
You can't help the guy and you can't fix him. It's up to him to make positive changes in his life, and from what you say, he's not going to
You two aren't compatible -- his life values and yours just don't seem to mesh.
And just because we love someone, it doesn't mean that it's healthy to be involved with them.
I'm sorry but with alcoholics you cannot keep going on at them. They have to be the one who decides that they want to stop.
We are all powerless over people's addictions.
Rather than getting upset I feel you should distance yourself a little and go out with friends often. I say this cos an alcoholic can drag you down.
Take care of yourself cos life is too short to be stressing about this guys problem.
I know you care about him but if you are not careful it will consume your every day life and you need to take a step away from this problem.
Leave him then.
Time to break if off. The problem is the not the alcohol, so much as it is his emotional problems. You can take the alcohol out of him, but not the "ic".
You may not see his probelms ... not yet. You've only been dating him 4 months, and it takes 1-2 years to see someone clearly. If you see problems BEFORE you've been dating them for a year, then the probelms are far far bigger than you imagine.