14 and I think I’m depressed.?

I’m not on here to get diagnosed but I want to share my thoughts. I think I’m depressed. I have literally no motivation to do anything with my life. I start high school on Monday, and I’m absolutely dreading it. I always think about the future and how much I hate the thought of going to college, getting a job, etc. I have no clue what I want to do when I get to that age either. I would never kill myself because I’m scared of the pain but it crosses my mind when I think of the future how much better it would be if I wasn’t alive. I dont want to tell my parents about this because I hate talking to them about stuff like that. How can I get myself interested in life?

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