Verified answer

I agree with another person who answered and said to pick your battles. Did mom do a nice thing by adding the diamonds from a pair of earrings to her daughter's engagement ring? Well, yes she did. But, did your fiancee ask mom to do this? The only way to know would be to ask her. But, asking that question could bring about a pretty nasty argument. Personally, I would have talked to my fiance before letting my mother add diamonds to the engagement ring. Since this discussion didn't take place and presumably you don't want to rock the boat, let it go. How were you told about the ring having these diamonds added to it? How did you react to seeing the enhanced ring? I'm guessing you didn't make a fuss or say anything that would bring an end to the engagement. So, it's too late now to say anything negative. But, at some point when the two of you are married and settling in, be aware of your mother-in-law's influence on her daughter. If she constantly is butting in and trying to change things like the colours in the apartment or house, having her daughter change the china pattern to one that the two of you didn't choose, or maybe weighing in on when the two of you are ready to be parents, then you need to step up and talk to your now wife and the two of you together approach mom and nicely tell her that while her views are important, that the two of you will make the decisions.

Right now, if your fiancee is happy and you feel that you can accept the revised ring, then let it go and don't make a fuss over it. Hopefully, your fiancee's mother did this as a gesture of goodwill and in no way was saying anything about the ring not being grand enough for her daughter. She just had these earrings that she wasn't wearing and thought it would be nice to add them to the ring. It's too late to make a fuss over the situation and maybe this is a learning curve for the two of you on how to adjust to having in-laws and how they can interfere where it wasn't really necessarily in the best interest of the couple. Let it go and move on. There will be other times where speaking up is more important.

You say your fiancée was talked into it, was she really?

If I had a set of diamond-to add to my daughter’s engagement ring she might want them.

It also makes the ring unique. Which is nice. It may not be enhancing the ring but bringing in her heritage.

I always used to get confused at whether the female was "fiancé" or "fiancée" until I realized that the word "female" has two "e's", like the word "fiancée". Just a friendly reminder how to spell fiancée :)

Okay, now you KNOW that you will have a meddling mother-in-law. I do believe that woman overstepped her bounds but what is even more bothersome is that your fiancée allowed such a thing to even happen.

I have never heard of any bride-to-be who actually took it upon herself (in this case, she and her mommy did it) to change the engagement ring. There is just something inherently wrong about a fiancée altering her own ring before the wedding. Sometimes as time goes on after the marriage, the engagement ring gets an overhaul or a bigger stone or stones added, but seldom before the wedding day under the suggestion of mommy. Who footed that bill, I wonder.

I believe you need to stop for a moment and put on your thinking hat. Look back at the relationship your fiancée has with her mother. Then look back to see how her mother has treated your relationship with your fiancée. Now, does your fiancée run circles around her mommy to please her or ask you to do things that please mother dearest? If so, you are in for one helluva ride. If your future wife cannot break the apron strings with her mother, your marriage is going to suffer and this engagement ring enhancement is just the first of your troubles.

You are now forewarned that your fiancée is extremely influenced by her mommy's desires OR she is using her mother as a reason to enhance her own engagement ring because she did not like it as it was. In either case that is very passive aggressive.

In my opinion, yes if you approve of the change. But not cool for her (or even your fiancé) to change without your approval.

Well it must be if it's done.

This hits me wrong, but I can't say why. It's probably because it's not something I ever would have done without talking to my fiance about it. It gives the appearance the ring you bought her wasn't good enough.

So what matters most here, I'd think, is whether this is a pattern with her. What happens if her mom doesn't like the house you both agree to buy, or the name you both pick for your first child?

Your fiancee (two e's for female).

You can simply look at this as an endorsement of your engagement by the women in her family. He mom would never have tossed in more diamonds had she not thought a lot of your marrying her daughter. Be careful not to ruin the significance of the ring- it's still the same ring, and your fiancee is still the same woman you loved enough to propose to. If you say anything about this now, the whole thing will be over. Don't do that. It isn't necessary. This is where you pick your battles, and learn that you both are learning how to be a couple - but also realize you are marrying into a family. She isn't an orphan, she comes with others she loves and respects, and who love her.

In the future, if she is allowing her mom into decisions you think should be just between the two of you, bring it up- but don't ever say anything about her ring, or you will be striking at the heart of your engagement and marriage. It IS an issue, and it can likely be fixed as she grows into your relationship as an engaged and then married couple- just know there's some work to be done. And remember that you are the only one who is allowed to come between a mother and her young- but it is still the most deadly place to be in nature, or the safest. Her mother likes you and is willing to send her off with you- along with her diamonds. That's not as common as you think. keep the peace, and learn quickly that you aren't going to be in charge of your life any more. Just wait until you have kids.

It is fine. This is a piece of jewelry that she will wear forever, so it is best for it to suit her taste and preference. I see nothing wrong with giving your daughter free diamonds. What is your problem?

Clearly your fiancé allowed this to happen

I wouldnt be happy in your shoes

Unless the diamonds were from (just say) her grandmothers ring AND you were consulted and agreed upon it

Sounds like you are marrying your fiancé AND her mother

buckle up! You have an insight of whats to come

Why not? If your fiance is happy, be happy for her. Support them always and forever, remember?